How many of you have felt completely back to normal during windows?

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Have you been so far gone you never believed you would ever get back to normal and are now recovered or very close? During the windows have you felt completely back to normal and how long did in last during your window or windows?

 

I keep questioning what if this is as good as it gets and I'm just thinking I'm doing better but it's just variations of what's wrong with me. I can't believe that I'll ever completely feel like myself again until it happens. I try to believe so much when I'm doing a bit better but I can't because it just still isn't right. Please let me know if you were so never thought you could get back but know it's possible because you've been back.

[[Sa...]]

Hi Coop

I'm on my cellphone, so this will be rather short

 

My previous c/t I made it out to around 15 months off.  I was getting full windows on a weekly basis by then -- I would feel completely normal, and just felt great!  I'm making my way back to that point right now, but I still haven't had a full window in 9 months.  I do get many days when being alive feels awesome, but I still have a ways to go for the 100% windows. Keep your head on tight because this can be a lengthy process as you know. It's definitely not all bad though. You'll have lots of great days ahead of you. I promise.

 

Good luck

-Sam

[[WT...]]

I have had several windows that were so good, it was as though w/d never happened.

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Yes, I am 7 (almost 8 weeks off) and have windows, they usually last a few hours, sometimes minutes, but it is a beginning. I have read some of your posts and see you are hurting bad, sorry. I also have some horrendous days, I will not go into detail but I just got off work and threw up twice and am dizzy as hell right now. So, this stuff is normal, normal for hell I guess. I am scared too, the greatest fear being this is not going to work, I am going to go thru all this crap for nothing, but really, what choice do we have, roll the dice and hope you roll a seven. I do not mean to sound cavilier, but it helps me to not be scared. You can do it! Do not let this shit beat you.

[[Ga...]]

Yes I had one or two so good I was ready to write my success story. lol

Believe me when they happen you cant even believe you went thru this like its just

a bad dream. Hang in there

[[Bi...]]

During a window, you forget any of this ever existed, and everything is resolved! I have had several.

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Any others?

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I never had a full-on window   The best it's been has been 70% or so and just a few hours...my recovery has been more slooooowwwww gradual recovery.

[[os...]]

I had a real window about a month ago, it started off mid morning and by midday i felt absolutely amazing, i was at equiv of 4mg Valium and yet i had been tapering for 7.5 months at that point.

 

I remember standing in the kitchen and i said to a friend "I feel NORMAL!!!" There was so much more to it than that, many times in my taper i had felt relatively normal, this was completely different, i felt 100% well and calm and relaxed and HAPPY and i got a real good look at what lies ahead.

 

It lasted all afternoon.

 

I can literally say i am so thankful for that window because i had the luxury to see and feel what it is like on the other side... no matter what we go through, if we all heal and life gets that good then it is worth every stinking day we feel bad because it WILL get better... after being on for 20 years, it was like a real awakening for me and i can only describe it as nothing short of amazing, it really gave me the motivation i needed to carry on... it was almost like going from black and white to color, dark to light, it was everything i had hoped for, no it wasn´t that because i could not have imagined it quite that good... so hang in there... it will happen to you too.

 

Others say that w/d feels like a bad dream, that is exactly what it is like, almost as if none of it was real... it literally is like waking up from a bad dream.

 

I cannot wait for my next window... but i wish for windows for others that are suffering more so... i had one, so i know it does get better and then some...

 

Oscar

[[Fl...]]

There were plenty of times I thought I would never heal. When you get a window you don't even think about that though.

 

I have had very few full on windows and none of them lasted long. Lots of partial windows, but not many where I could say that I was 100%.

[[WT...]]

I had a real window about a month ago, it started off mid morning and by midday i felt absolutely amazing, i was at equiv of 4mg Valium and yet i had been tapering for 7.5 months at that point.

 

I remember standing in the kitchen and i said to a friend "I feel NORMAL!!!" There was so much more to it than that, many times in my taper i had felt relatively normal, this was completely different, i felt 100% well and calm and relaxed and HAPPY and i got a real good look at what lies ahead.

 

It lasted all afternoon.

 

I can literally say i am so thankful for that window because i had the luxury to see and feel what it is like on the other side... no matter what we go through, if we all heal and life gets that good then it is worth every stinking day we feel bad because it WILL get better... after being on for 20 years, it was like a real awakening for me and i can only describe it as nothing short of amazing, it really gave me the motivation i needed to carry on... it was almost like going from black and white to color, dark to light, it was everything i had hoped for, no it wasn´t that because i could not have imagined it quite that good... so hang in there... it will happen to you too.

 

Others say that w/d feels like a bad dream, that is exactly what it is like, almost as if none of it was real... it literally is like waking up from a bad dream.

 

I cannot wait for my next window... but i wish for windows for others that are suffering more so... i had one, so i know it does get better and then some...

 

Oscar

 

Back in November, I had a window that I would describe just like this (only it came on instantly) -- it was miraculous!  I remember that I was on Skype talking with a good friend of mine who was also in w/d, and it was close to bedtime for me.  I was feeling so symptomatic, and run down/hopeless etc..  I hung up Skype to go to bed, and I felt this rush in my brain; like your arm getting a return of circulation after laying on it all night.  Then, I felt my sinuses open up, and all anxiety left -- I could breath normally/refreshing for the first time since my c/t.  All DP/DR left and everything looked, and felt amazing; I thought w/d was over!  That window lasted  10 hours.  I didn't go to bed until about 3 hours later because I wanted to enjoy it, and I had so much energy!  It was still going the next day, but not for long.

[[pa...]]

I had one full-on window where everything seemed to lift. It lasted about 4-5 hours.  THat was 2 weeks ago. Since then, I've had 6 partial windows where almost everything seemed to lift but I was still in a mild fog that made me know I wasn't 100%. The closer I get to things, the more frustrating it seems.  I think that is normal. It's the psyche really trying hard to find normalcy.  I never was very good at being patient, and instead of this experience teaching me patience, I think itjust makes me want things NOW all the more.   Hang in there.

[[os...]]

I had a real window about a month ago, it started off mid morning and by midday i felt absolutely amazing, i was at equiv of 4mg Valium and yet i had been tapering for 7.5 months at that point.

 

I remember standing in the kitchen and i said to a friend "I feel NORMAL!!!" There was so much more to it than that, many times in my taper i had felt relatively normal, this was completely different, i felt 100% well and calm and relaxed and HAPPY and i got a real good look at what lies ahead.

 

It lasted all afternoon.

 

I can literally say i am so thankful for that window because i had the luxury to see and feel what it is like on the other side... no matter what we go through, if we all heal and life gets that good then it is worth every stinking day we feel bad because it WILL get better... after being on for 20 years, it was like a real awakening for me and i can only describe it as nothing short of amazing, it really gave me the motivation i needed to carry on... it was almost like going from black and white to color, dark to light, it was everything i had hoped for, no it wasn´t that because i could not have imagined it quite that good... so hang in there... it will happen to you too.

 

Others say that w/d feels like a bad dream, that is exactly what it is like, almost as if none of it was real... it literally is like waking up from a bad dream.

 

I cannot wait for my next window... but i wish for windows for others that are suffering more so... i had one, so i know it does get better and then some...

 

Oscar

 

Back in November, I had a window that I would describe just like this -- it was miraculous!  I remember that I was on Skype talking with a good friend of mine who was also in w/d, and it was close to bedtime for me.  I was feeling so symptomatic, and run down/hopeless etc..  I hung up Skype to go to bed, and I felt this rush in my brain; like your arm getting a return of circulation after laying on it all night.  Then, I felt my sinuses open up, and all anxiety left -- I could breath normally/refreshing for the first time since my c/t.  All DP/DR left and everything looked, and felt amazing; I thought w/d was over!  That window lasted  10 hours.  I didn't go to bed until about 3 hours later because I wanted to enjoy it, and I had so much energy!  It was still going the next day, but not for long.

 

I can relate to the energy... i was euphoric and decided to scrub down my bathroom walls... i felt i WANTED to work, i was like the over zealous volunteer, it felt so great to be ALIVE.

 

Sadly that energy was spent real fast but oh boy did i feel great... it was like a new existence, it was freaking brilliant... it ALL went.

 

Oscar

[[St...]]

Hi Coop,

 

I definitely have windows.  I have since my first week of my c/t.  At first I thought it meant it was over, I didn't know about BB or w/d taking months - years.

 

I do have waves that take me to the darkest days I have ever been.  Then out of the blue I wake up and feel lighter, the gloom is sometimes totally gone or it feels it is lifting.  I can be suddenly in a window or it can take several days to build to one. With full windows my symptoms go away just about 100%. I forget completely about w/d - benzoland. I go out, I drive myself, my agoraphobia disappears, my depression goes away 100%, I laugh - tease people, I answer the phone without thinking about it, I want to be with people, go out to eat, movies. I want to take care of myself and dress, put make up on, do my hair. I cook and want to be cooking.  I don't worry, I just go on with life and feel I can.  Mentally and physically the symptoms just go away.  My windows last from days to hours.

 

Windows are wonderful.  Coop just hang in there.  It will happen for you, we do heal from using benzos.  I know this is very hard - as I said when waves hit - I go the complete opposite into the dark - so I know how frightening and hard that is.

 

I read of your wife's support, I have that with my husband - we are very lucky.  Just keep listening to your wife, she has a very good perspective on w/d and believes you will heal.

 

Hang in there,

Sally Stillbelieving