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This was the worst day I have had in over a year


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I have been off for 10.5 months.  Doing really great NOv-through last week of January.  Wave started end of January, but even so, I was just more likely to get symptoms in certian circumstances, but would generally feel well

once I got home or even just got out of particular circumstances.


Since Saturday, I have had muscle cramping and worse sleep (each probably contributes to the other).  The only other time I had this for any length of time where I

was home and uncomfortable hour after hour, was arond the 3-Month mark.


Last night I had another bad sleep night and was waking up with cramping in the neck and back, which was very bad.  I then got worse and started to panic, and

I litterlly thought my muscles would split in two and started yelling at my wife to call 911 and for the first time since I was off, grabbed a klonopin and

said I was going to take it b/c I didn't know what else to do.  My wife called 911 and I didn't take it, as things got slightly better after I stopped panicking.


At hospital, MD said that benzos were the best choice for muscle tightness, but that he thought I should avoid them given my history.  The one thing that he

noticed was that my potassium level was slightly low.  I know that that alone did not cause my problem, but if I am having muscle and nerve issue, think that it

might add to the problem.


Finally, at 3:00 this afternoon (right now), I am feeling so so, where I don't have the cramping.  But am worried about tonight.  I do not want to take a benzo


But I also do not want my muscles to cramp up and break my body in two.


Please help.  I have not been scared like this for a long time.  Bascially, I would put my benzo states into four categoreis:  1) Feeling almost 100% and not even

thinking about w/d; 2) Annoying/irritating symptoms, but ones that do not interfere with most everyday functions;  3)  Symptoms that get in the way of everyday functions,

but still allow me to sit in my house or go to some places without problem and don't scare me as much as frustrate me; 4)  Terrifying symptoms that make me want to take

a benzo right away or go to the ER. 


Until recently I had only 1 and 2 for quite a while; I have had a bunch of 3-type symptoms over the last two months.  Yesterday, I had a 4, which I had really not had

since I stopped, except when I was far from home and had somehting come up.  There the fear was that I was somewhere where I could not get help, but always felt that

back home I would be OK.


The terror symptoms were things that happened to me a lot from 2009-march 2011, during two failed and one successful taper.  I thought that this far out I was thorugh with that.




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Sorry to hear it. Hang on, as you KNOW that is a sign of healing. Obviously, it's not the real you. We all know that feeling all too well.


I just recently had my worst day in 6 months or so... and I'm 10 months off of a small dose. Not out of the woods yet either.


Hang in there!!




ps - Just reminding everyone in every post to please stop by and contribute to the anxiety pre/post benzo poll:


This will hopefully be a resource we can all learn from, show to our doctors, etc.  Thanks!



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I feel for you man. Don't know what to say other than try to stay away from the klonopin if you can. It sounds like outside of these waves you are doing pretty good overall. I'd hate to see you end up back on the drugs again.
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That muscle splitting, I have, and it hurts bad! I can barely take some of these Physical Symptoms, as they make me yell sometimes. I know when it comes to w/d, we can throw strength out the door, sometimes, but got to make it through this. I hope you start feeling better, soon!



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I feel you brother! I just had a horrendous  day myself the worst in recent memory, so I know you are scared. Do not take any benzos! You are tough to have made it as far as you have, now you have to turn it up a notch. I know I am sometimes tempted myself but I guess if I did I would hate myself so bad I might give up and start all over. Do not let this shit beat you! Watch a die hard movie or something, thats what I do. Makes you feel tough!
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I don't want to sound flippant, because I haven't experienced this - so I don't know from first-hand experience how very bad it might feel. But 2 things:


Can you rub or have your wife rub those muscles briskly if this happens? I used to be a swimmer/triathlete and sometimse we'd get a cramp like this that woudl seize. It felt like it would tighten and then continue to tighten like it might pop. It was very scary and usually happened in the leg/calf muscles but could happen other places too.  It may not be what you had, but the best way to quickly get rid of it was to rub it hard.  I don't know the anatomy of what happens in a cramp, but this made it go away.


Beyond that, it might not be a cramp. It might just be the nerve endings that handle muscle pain in those muscles are finally regenerating - either at the muscle in the peripheral nervous system or in the brain in the CNS.  In these cases, while it may hurt like nothing else, at least know that it's not truly the muscle splitting open. It's just the sensation of it.  Have you ever been in severe cold and then plunged your hands in lukewarm water and it feels like it's absolutely burning? That's a good example of how nerves can feel one way and not truly be registering what is happening.  I know you're smart enough to know this, but I thought it might be some perspective if it helped.


I hope it does NOT happen again. But if it does, try the massage right away. 



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Hope you manage to relax tonight, it´s hard not to anticipate stuff when we go through this but go for the massage, my back cramped when i hit a wall and yet a quick rub really eased it, i felt like my back had been run over by a bus... yet the next day it was gone and has not come back...


How long was your taper for and what dose?



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Hi Pfeff,


I am so sorry that you got hit with the muscle cramping.  It sounds like it was not only painful, but horrific.  You are doing really well.  Keep up the good fight.  :) Hugs, Klonkers

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