Different symptoms every day?

[[Ho...]]

Lately I have been experiencing this cycle of different symptoms from day to day.  For instance, one day I will be more fatigued than I have ever been in my life.  The next day (like today) I will have EXTREME physical anxiety to the point where I feel as though my body will explode from the adrenaline.  The following day, I may have a bit more peace and at least be able to keep comfortable, as long as I am just home resting with minimal stimulation.  There are also some days where the mental symptoms are completely out of control, and I spend most of the day talking myself off of the ledge and hysterically crying like a child.  I never know what to expect when I wake up.  Do you guys experience this rapid cycling of symptoms from day to day?  I am almost 7 months off.

[[ma...]]

Hi Hope,

Yes, I experience the bizarre rapid cycling of different states

of both internal & external reality. This rapid cycling started at

the end of 1st month after I finished taper, & continues now.

Very disconcerting to not know how you will wake up & to have

things change randomly hr to hr.

For me it feels like I have completely lost any sense of my inner "thread"-

or connection to some core experience of myself. Its enough to make me

think I have completely lost my mind & fallen down the proverbial rabbit

hole. Always easy to forget that its benzo withdrawal causing this.

 

The pharmacologist Dr I see put it this way "Imagine billions of GABA receptors in your brain

trying to regroup & start working after being downregulated by benzos. At one moment some of them

are not working or are working in one area, then later some are working or not working in another area, & on

& on. That is why you are experiencing different "states" that are randomly & ever changing.

Most of those billions of GABA have to start working properly together & consistently -before YOU feel any

consistency of experience & processing of info coming in."

 

In short, it is a roller coaster ride & not much we can do about it. Its also different for everyone how their GABA is, or is not

responding & working in different areas of the brain at any given time.

 

One thing my therapist reminded me of when I told her how disturbing this all is -is that I do have a "thread" that could be understood

as the "WITNESS". That some part of me is aware of all these different states & perceptions & can remember, write or talk about them.

This "WITNESS" is NOT subject to all this turmoil & can be objective & recognize & describe the craziness going on. This "Witness" part

of me is functioning & is consistent.  -[ I guess this is better than some states of severe mental illness where the person is not

aware that a "state" has shifted & they are feeling & acting differently.] For better or worse, people in benzo withdrawal are aware of the

different & ever changing ways they feel & find it disturbing, especially as many of these "states" are horrific & full of pain, dread, fear & anguish.

 

Its all unbelievable & awfull what these drugs can do to the brain & body, & what so many have to go through to get off them & get healed.

Don't know if any of this helps, but know you are not alone.

Hang in there,

 

margaretisabel

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

My symptoms have changed more rapidly the closer I get to healing. I think others have mentioned this as well.

[[pa...]]

I'm in the same boat, Holly - my symptoms are ALL over the map - and off the map, too.

 

Florida - I love you.  You always post the best one-liners.  Listen to Florida, Holly!!! 

[[pa...]]

DUh - not Holly - HOPE.  Sorry, Hope.  Benzobrain. 

 

[[...]]

My symptoms changed VERY rapidly about 2-3 months off (sometimes even every 5 minutes)...Now I'm stuck in the rage/agitation/anhedonia phase and it's been like this for about 2 months

[[ra...]]

For the last 2 months  this is how it's been for me it has lessened  my symptoms change every couple days for example Sunday was horrible. (M-t-w baseline ) today symptoms are coming and going since I got up.  Every thing changed since the beginning of the month.

[[Ho...]]

Thank you all for your responses!  This change from day to day is new to me.  I haven't had any windows for the last 8 months, however things were at least a bit more consistent.  Not knowing what to expect each day is very difficult to say the least (but that's the name of the tune for benzo withdrawal I guess - nothing is easy). 

 

Margaret- what a great way to think of all of this.  That totally makes sense about the different receptors functioning at different times and in different ways.  Your suggestion about acting as a "witness" reminds me of how Bliss Johns says to try and act as a "passive observer" to symptoms without getting worked up.  You are so lucky to have a therapist who understands all of this and is so supportive!

 

[[ma...]]

Hope,

 

Yes, both the pharmacologist's description of GABA

& my therapists idea of "Witness" - does help give framework.

Good connection you made w/ Bliss Johns "passive observer".

I 've only had one true "window" in these 2 months post taper - & that only lasted less than an hr.

It was amazing to suddenly feel EVERYTHING in mind/body OK! Just like my old self.

Was like waking up from a nightmare. Very disconcerting when that "window" just

drained out, but at leas I know that "old OK me" can return when GABA -or whatever- are working right.

 

These "shifting states" lately for me also include the physical as well as mental.

Sometimes my legs feel like jelly & might not hold me,  but then sometimes times feel OK

Then total exhaustion to short minutes of OK energy. The mental goes from

a one time almost nice dreamy calm -to horrific terror.[most of the time! Arghh..]

All over the map. Now sleep.....don't even want to go into those ever shifting sands!

 

Guess we all have to just try & hang on the best we can,

& keep a firm grip,

 

margaretisabel

 

 

[[an...]]

My symtoms change hourly LOL  angel