Having a horrible day and no support at home!

[[sm...]]

Today was a bad day.....Just can't think straight and it seems no matter what I eat I feel awful.  I am usually such a strong person, but now I feel defeated.  I had to move back home because I got so sick, and now my mom thinks I just don't want to grow up or ever leave the house, when the reality is I want out of here, I just can not function yet.  I have food sensitivities already, so it can cause brain fog and poor concentration already then add coming off clonazepam.  I actually considered checking in to a mental hospital I feel so crazy today, and the sad thing is I have a little three year old who I can't even take care of right now.  My family yells at me telling me I am making all of this up and they aren't going to help me anymore.  All I want is to feel better and move on with my life and get away from my family, but they think I just "need" them.  God they are so clueless!!!!!!!Any advice from someone who had been in my shoes or how they overcome their bad days? I seem to be having a lot of bad days lately.

[[pi...]]

Hi smuel,

 

I am so sorry you are feeling badly today. This benzo beast is terrible and unfortunately only those who go through withdrawal really understand how horrible it is.  I wish you had good support at home.  Is is possible you can have them read the Ashton Manuel so they can see all the various side effects that can happen in withdrawal?  Also do you happen to have a copy of Bliss Johns book, Benzo Wise.  There is a section in there for family members to help them understand this process.

 

Right now you need to take care of yourself and not worry about what others are saying or thinking.  It is the time for you to nurture and rest your body and mind. Are you still tapering or have your jumped off the clonazepam?  I feel for those of you with small children, but you know, you will be able to take care of the little one when you heal.

 

I have had bad days, terrible days and awful days.  I tried to find distraction by watching countless movies, reading or writing in my journal. I don't know where you are in this process but know that you will get windows and even when you feel bad your body is still healing. Just accept that these days will happen and you will get through them.  You are strong even now, what you feel is the withdrawal talking.....

 

pianogirl 

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Thanks pianogirl-

I am hypersensitive to meds as well.  I only took clonazepam for two and a half months at .25mg, sometimes got up to .75mg and I still feel like this!  I have made the jump, I have been off for two months now. For some reason being in the third month is terrible.  The brain fog is so intense sometimes and you just can't think straight.  I even go to acupuncture to help the process be less intense.  Trust me I have tried to get my parents info on the withdrawals and they just don't think it applies to me because I wasn't on it that long or even took a big enough dose.  Thank you for the support, much needed right now:)

[[...]]

Hi smuel:

 

Congratulations on being benzo free.  The fact that you've been able to become free of this shows that you are strong.

 

I'm sorry your suffering and not getting the support you need.  It is often difficult for others to understand how horrifying withdrawal can be.  I think part of the reason is that it is not visible suffering like a physical injury. 

 

As you well know, 2.5 months of using clonazepam is plenty of time to become dependent and experience withdrawal.

 

I'm glad you found benzobuddies.  There are lots of people here who understand what you're going through.  I encourage you to post whenever you feel you need support.  You can also message me anytime you need to talk.

 

Hang in there.

 

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/h/hugs/graphics-hugs-961779.gif

 

 

 

 

[[br...]]

Some people just don't have it in them to help sick people. I'm now going through a divorce and I in no way blame it solely on my anxiety and benzo problem, but I do think my wife had a hard time being the care-taker. I had always been the care-taker in the house. When I got sick, she had a very hard time with it.

 

The other thing is, no matter how much evidence we put in front of people... they just refuse to believe what benzos are capable of. I don't know why people think we'd make this stuff up. How would it benefit us?  It's just insanity.  I have a very good support system outside of my ex-wife, but even my closest supporters find the benzo thing hard to believe. I can tell they just think it's my underlying anxiety, and I don't know how to get through to them with logic and facts.  So, we just sort of put it aside and work with what we have.

 

Seek out support anywhere. Go to therapy if you can afford it. Find pen pals here. Find someone to chat with on the phone from here, even.

But, thousands of us on this board understand and believe you. You're going to be fine in time.

 

 

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You are right bryan- my mom is not a good care taker, she can't cope with her own crap much less mine.  She makes it seem like I am unreasonably attached to her, which is how she treated me my entire life, even as a little girl she would neglect me, so the fact that she is acting like this is no surprise.  Just makes it hard because I am living with her, and when you need support the most, you actually get the opposite.  I have my acupuncturist who is there for me, and sometimes my brother, but thats it.  I have always been a tough girl, but I got sick after i had my baby, and thats when they put me on meds, even though it was a real physical problem not anxiety. Thats what everyone keeps telling me, its just anxiety, I'm like I wish it was, but its not.  They absolutely refuse to believe I could still be going through withdrawals two months out, and I can't convince them otherwise.  Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel.  My ex husband was the same way, I was this out going capable girl, and when I got sick he just didn't know what to do and gave up on me.  After our divorce I got worse, but its pretty hard when you have two people like that in your life who just aren't capable of helping others.  Its funny because my mom volunteers at a rehab facility for people with ms, and comes home gushing about how courageous those people are and how she loves to help them, but her own daughter she yells and screams at and tells her she's just a mess and needs help, but its not her job to help me.  I am in therapy, which makes it hard sometimes because my therapist seems to think its not the benzo either, oddly enough.  He tries to keep digging up my past which I can not handle right now on top of everything else.  Thanks for the reach out, its so nice to have people who get it.

Sarah

[[sm...]]

Thank you buddy for the response, yes thank goodness I got off the crap.  I had no idea it would be this hard, but here I am two months out....

[[jr...]]

I am really sorry you are going through so much, but I do have a somewhat different perspective for you.  I live alone.  I became widowed when my husband unexpectedly (suicide) died 7 years ago.  Basically, I have absolutely no one to help me out.  I find myself being envious of people on this forum who live with family.  At least they have someone else who is taking care of day to day things for them.  Going through this alone has been a horror.  I have friends, but nobody really understands w/d unless they have been through it.  I know you are having problems with your mom, but try to be grateful that you are able to live with her, and that she is helping care for your child.  I live in AZ and, with the exception of 1 person, the rest of my family lives in the midwest. 

 

Perhaps you could get your mother to read the following information about benzodiazepines onWikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome

 

I wish you only the best,

 

Jenn

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[sm...]]

Jenn- where in az do you live?I live in AZ as well, maybe I could be a support for you.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband, and living alone and going through this, well I can not imagine.  But you aren't alone, there are tons of people on this site to help you through.  She is not taking care of my child, my daughter is with her dad right now in Colorado, which makes this even more difficult.  So anytime you need to chat I am here:)

[[jr...]]

Jenn- where in az do you live?I live in AZ as well, maybe I could be a support for you.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband, and living alone and going through this, well I can not imagine.  But you aren't alone, there are tons of people on this site to help you through.  She is not taking care of my child, my daughter is with her dad right now in Colorado, which makes this even more difficult.  So anytime you need to chat I am here:)

 

So nice to meet another Arizonan!!  There are several of us here!  I'm in Gilbert.  I guess I misread your post.  I thought your daughter lived with you.  I am truly sorry you are going through this with your family.  The one relative I have in this area says she understand what I am going through, but she doesn't.  I don't dare complain about anything because I get no sympathy or support from her.  I am VERY happy to meet you!!  Jenn

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Jenn-

How is your progress coming along?  I feel for you going through this alone....I feel alone even though i live with my family, my mom can be incredibly cruel and actually yells at me if I ever bring up how I feel.  Maybe it would be better to be alone!  I live in Peoria, I go to a great acupuncturist though out in Tempe, so kinda by you.  He has helped me tremendously in this process, maybe it could help you?  Anyways, here for you if you ever want to chat:)

[[jr...]]

Jenn-

How is your progress coming along?  I feel for you going through this alone....I feel alone even though i live with my family, my mom can be incredibly cruel and actually yells at me if I ever bring up how I feel.  Maybe it would be better to be alone!  I live in Peoria, I go to a great acupuncturist though out in Tempe, so kinda by you.  He has helped me tremendously in this process, maybe it could help you?  Anyways, here for you if you ever want to chat:)

 

I'd love to chat!  I actually had acupuncture for my spine a few years ago.  It was the kind where they burn the needle.  Unfortunately, when she got to my spine the pain was so bad from inserting the needles deeply she had to stop.  It was an interesting experience.  I wonder if my insurance would cover it?  I would be willing to try it again.  I'll try anything!  Are you anywhere near Metrocenter?  I used to shop there all the time when we lived on the west side. 

 

I feel so bad that your mom doesn't understand this.  I actually have only one friend who understands and has read some of the information on benzo w/d I have given her.  Everyone else is nice, but I feel they think it's all in my head.

 

Hugs,

 

Jenn