Does your mind tell you that this is the real you?

[[...]]

Anyone here have issues where your mind tells you that this is the real you?  If I feel angry for some reason my mind looks for memories of times when I've been angry.  If I feel afraid my mind looks for justification that I've always been a coward, etc., etc., etc. It's annoying!  I just don't remember 'me' anymore

 

My mind also tells me that this is 'as good as it gets' and that I'll be like this forever...HELP!

[[ba...]]

My dr/dp have been with me for almost 5 month, I feel like a stranger to myself if this makes any sense this really freaks me out and teally scares mr, I  fee so sureal, will be glad whernn this leaves bando

[[no...]]

yes- all the time. But i do not have to believe everything my mind says, cause lots of times- IT LIES.

[[sh...]]

My brain plays the exact same trick on me but that's only when I'm in a wave. When I'm feeling great, I know who I am. Everything my mind has told me that's negative goes right out the window.

 

I'd try not to worry too much. Although scary and down right disheartening at times, intrusive/obsessive thoughts do dissipate.

 

Are there things that take your mind off of it? I'd stick with whatever trails your mind onto other positive thoughts.

[[Ho...]]

YES YES YES. I think this alllll the time. I have for all the several years I was in tolerance wd.

[[...]]

Ugghhh!  This is SO annoying! I try to not believe it and fill my mind with happy distractions (like arts and crafts or memories of good times), but my mind even ruins those with anhedonia and a sense of dread

[[sc...]]

Hey mmir,

I'm sorry your mind is consspiring against you right now. My experience is very similar in that I seem to have very intense feelings and then my brain (largely outside of my control) goes on a search to connect the dots to confirm why this feeling is true.  I try to understand it like this...our brains are meaning-making machines, they try to make meaning out of experiences.  Usually experiences and emotions occur at about the same time.  So, if we have a good feeling when we are doing something our brains (we) conclude that we like that activity.  Unfortunately when the brain is given intense feelings for no reason at all, like in benzo withdrawal, it does what it always does and tries to come up with a justification for that feeling.  Since WD emotions are overwhelmingly negative and painful our brains are going to come up with some ugly "stories".  Unfortunately these "stories" feel very real and they seem like a very plausible explanation for why we are feeling as we do.  BUT, they are not true and the feeling of their "realness" does fade. 

 

Despite my tidy little understanding of this experience it is still painful and takes work to resist.  Hang in there.  Things will get better.

Scott 

[[WT...]]

Hey mmir,

I'm sorry your mind is consspiring against you right now. My experience is very similar in that I seem to have very intense feelings and then my brain (largely outside of my control) goes on a search to connect the dots to confirm why this feeling is true.  I try to understand it like this...our brains are meaning-making machines, they try to make meaning out of experiences.  Usually experiences and emotions occur at about the same time.  So, if we have a good feeling when we are doing something our brains (we) conclude that we like that activity.  Unfortunately when the brain is given intense feelings for no reason at all, like in benzo withdrawal, it does what it always does and tries to come up with a justification for that feeling.  Since WD emotions are overwhelmingly negative and painful our brains are going to come up with some ugly "stories".  Unfortunately these "stories" feel very real and they seem like a very plausible explanation for why we are feeling as we do.  BUT, they are not true and the feeling of their "realness" does fade. 

 

Despite my tidy little understanding of this experience it is still painful and takes work to resist.  Hang in there.  Things will get better.

Scott

 

Great explanation, Scott.

[[...]]

Hey mmir,

I'm sorry your mind is consspiring against you right now. My experience is very similar in that I seem to have very intense feelings and then my brain (largely outside of my control) goes on a search to connect the dots to confirm why this feeling is true.  I try to understand it like this...our brains are meaning-making machines, they try to make meaning out of experiences.  Usually experiences and emotions occur at about the same time.  So, if we have a good feeling when we are doing something our brains (we) conclude that we like that activity.  Unfortunately when the brain is given intense feelings for no reason at all, like in benzo withdrawal, it does what it always does and tries to come up with a justification for that feeling.  Since WD emotions are overwhelmingly negative and painful our brains are going to come up with some ugly "stories".  Unfortunately these "stories" feel very real and they seem like a very plausible explanation for why we are feeling as we do.  BUT, they are not true and the feeling of their "realness" does fade. 

 

Despite my tidy little understanding of this experience it is still painful and takes work to resist.  Hang in there.  Things will get better.

Scott

 

Yes, Scott!  Awesome explanation!  I've noticed this myself...it's terrible because it's so convincing!

[[WT...]]

I guess that really explains why I was convinced without doubt for the first 3 months that I was going straight to Hell.  My brain had to find a feeling to match how bad I felt -- true story.

[[...]]

I guess that really explains why I was convinced without doubt for the first 3 months that I was going straight to Hell.  My brain had to find a feeling to match how bad I felt -- true story.

I still think that

[[WT...]]

I guess that really explains why I was convinced without doubt for the first 3 months that I was going straight to Hell.  My brain had to find a feeling to match how bad I felt -- true story.

I still think that

 

Really?  You have my utmost empathy, mmir.  That was the worst feeling I had EVER experienced.   It was the most intense fear I ever could have imagined.

[[...]]

Yes, I do, I feel so evil and that I'm going straight to Hell....never in my life have I felt like this

[[WT...]]

But we know that our evil thoughts are simply w/d related.. and we know that we would not think this way normally.  We can take comfort in that.  One day, this will all be an impossible dream.

[[...]]

You're so positive WTBNA!  So glad for you! But I'm the epitome of negativity and impatience

[[Bi...]]

Hey mmir,

I'm sorry your mind is consspiring against you right now. My experience is very similar in that I seem to have very intense feelings and then my brain (largely outside of my control) goes on a search to connect the dots to confirm why this feeling is true.  I try to understand it like this...our brains are meaning-making machines, they try to make meaning out of experiences.  Usually experiences and emotions occur at about the same time.  So, if we have a good feeling when we are doing something our brains (we) conclude that we like that activity.  Unfortunately when the brain is given intense feelings for no reason at all, like in benzo withdrawal, it does what it always does and tries to come up with a justification for that feeling.  Since WD emotions are overwhelmingly negative and painful our brains are going to come up with some ugly "stories".  Unfortunately these "stories" feel very real and they seem like a very plausible explanation for why we are feeling as we do.  BUT, they are not true and the feeling of their "realness" does fade. 

 

Despite my tidy little understanding of this experience it is still painful and takes work to resist.  Hang in there.  Things will get better.

Scott

 

This is the best post I have seen on here! Well, as far as explaining this.

[[br...]]

yes- all the time. But i do not have to believe everything my mind says, cause lots of times- IT LIES.

 

North is right.

 

Our mind is pretty much in BS-mode at all times. It's designed to be that way. Constantly on the lookout for the worst case scenario.

It's a holdover from our primitive relatives who lived short lives filled with threats of all kinds. The overactive subconscious and fight/flight system are outdated, but for some of us... over-utilized.

 

I'm no expert at this, but I'm learning to slowly allow the thoughts to flow in and out.

 

I mean, I was just thinking about this today... as my symptoms were ramping up. Over the past 10 months (ish) of WD... I've only had about a week where I couldn't work, and I thought I had the flu. (During acute WD, about a month after stopping.) Actually, I hadn't even jumped yet now that I think of it. So, come this April... it'll be a YEAR since I've used a sick day at work.

 

Yet, this morning... as I was feeling crappy... the same old fear came up.. "what if I can't work!?!?!?"  I saw myself missing work, getting worse... not being able to make it in... and of course eventually, losing my position, etc.

 

Yet, I've got no proof of this. I miss less days than my co-workers by a longshot.

 

But, tomorrow... if stuff ramps up, my brain will try to go back to the same place. OH NO... what if what if what if what if... it's just all bull$###.

 

I'm trying to adapt the mindset that it's FINE to feel bad... and even to talk about feeling bad at times... but the constant stories have to be recognized as BS at some point. If looked at from a 100% logical standpoint, almost all of what we fear during these times is worse than what we deal with. Yes, there are those times that feel unbearable, but I swear it's the worrying about the next day, hour or minute that makes it worse.

 

Again, easy to say... harder to put in practice. But, whether it's anxiety or WD or both... unfortunately, our brains usually aren't doing us any favors. We have to condition our own minds to work how we want to.

 

Beyond that, I always mention this but in the FAQ's... I'm pretty sure there is specific mention to thinking "this is the new me" as totally normal, and something almost all of us go through.

 

The good news is... our bodies are going to heal, no matter what we think. There may be an argument that we can help ourselves along with the right mindset. But, the body and all of its intelligence will right the ship... no matter what our monkey-minds get up to.

 

 

[[WT...]]

You're so positive WTBNA!  So glad for you! But I'm the epitome of negativity and impatience

 

I understand the negativity -- sometimes it's so unbearable.  I feel the negative thoughts getting to me a lot (intrusive memories are too vivid at this point for my comfort), and it feels like this will not end, but it will.  I'm confident that you are a great person, and the w/d is just a veil that clouds the real you.  We know that neither of us want these horrid thoughts.  You are going to get a window and your true self will shine through; this I know, and I mean.

 

I'm back in a wave tonight after my break, but it's easier than the hard wave I was in -- it's the "my window was a lie" feeling, but I know in my heart of hearts that it was real. 

[[sh...]]

yes- all the time. But i do not have to believe everything my mind says, cause lots of times- IT LIES.

I'm trying to adapt the mindset that it's FINE to feel bad... and even to talk about feeling bad at times... but the constant stories have to be recognized as BS at some point. If looked at from a 100% logical standpoint, almost all of what we fear during these times is worse than what we deal with. Yes, there are those times that feel unbearable, but I swear it's the worrying about the next day, hour or minute that makes it worse.

 

This describes what I'm feeling perfectly.