Morning Anxiety/Dread/Doom/Fear. How Does Yours Feel? Need Some Feedback.

[Guest [Da...]]

As the subject line states, I thought I'd cover the gamut of potential descriptive words of what I am experiencing because "morning anxiety" just doesn't cut it. I had this s/x (would phase in and out) even before deciding to w/d from benzos so I guess it is a part of me and I need to eventually figure it out subjectively.

 

Day 4 of my Diazepam cut to 12mg and my mornings (started yesterday and intensified this morning), is a feeling/sense of dread, wishing it was nighttime and the "why did morning have to come" so I can sleep and not deal with this etc. Now this is a benzo-related anxiety s/x but I feel it needs to be described better "feeling wise" and your input would be appreciated. I have read that even being benzo free this s/x creeps up.

 

Yes, I know, stay away from coffee (but cutting off coffee brings it own caffine w/d s/x); drink green tea or chamomile tea (ok will do that); but I am beginning to get concerned because I had this happen to me (longer phases) when I was doing my c/o from Clonazepam (Klonopin) to Diazepam (Valium).  Now it is happening again. Hopefully tomorrow morning it won't be so intense because it feels so horrible (almost a defeatist attitude). All along I have been doing my best to remain positive, don't try to predict w/d s/x, and I have an "accept all w/d s/x that come attitude"; but this one is so intense.

 

Also, with it comes the "it is sunny and I am not productive" feeling/guilt/why doesn't it just rain because I feel that way.

 

After much time due to brain fog, filtering of responses, and finding the right words...I found this from 2008! I'm sorry for ranting. I thought I would locate this benzo w/d s/x and responses easier. Am I missing something when finding info? 

 

Here is the BB post from 2008:

"Yes, depression and anxiety are worse in the morning. That is when your body's cortisol level is the highest (cortisol is stimulating) and that accounts for probably part of what you are feeling. Cortisol is the stress hormone, your body produces when you are under stress.

 

The paradox of stress/cortisol is that anxiety produces cortisol, which produces anxiety which produces more cortisol, which causes you to feel more anxious...etc....

 

Soon you find yourself in this never ending cycle of anxiety and depression.

 

What you must do to get well is ACCEPT your anxiety. You must ACCEPT your feelings and not try to fight them. If you do this long enough and an interesting thing happens, the anxiety goes away."

 

Deanne Repich from her article Understanding Early Morning Anxiety says,

 

"Another reason why symptoms can be worse in the morning is because your blood sugar is low when you first wake up. You have gone all night without food.

 

It's important to maintain a constant blood sugar level because the brain uses sugar, also known as glucose, as its fuel. If blood sugar levels are too low or drop too fast, then the brain starts running out of fuel.

 

This causes the brain to trigger the "fight or flight" response. The "fight or flight" response sends a rush of adrenaline, cortisol, and other neurotransmitters through your body to prepare you to fight or flee the perceived threat (low fuel).

 

This process can trigger physical reactions ("symptoms") such as trembling, rapid heartbeat, sweating, panic attacks, fatigue, insomnia, mental confusion, nervousness, dizziness, and more."

 

I know it's been happening regularly but try not to expect it to happen; that kind of thinking sets you up for it, you know?  And it is just another w/d symptom and will pass.

 

Easier said than done but I will try. I'm not a breakfast eater so I'll force myself. Any thoughts or "your feelings of this s/x"? Thanks.

 

Danni

[[Re...]]

Danni

 

I hear and relate to what you are saying. Even if I do get a decent night sleep( not so often these day), I startle out of sleep and feel that sense of dread immediately upon awakening. I was on Klonopin and crossed over to valium and had tough going of it at intervals and had some very trying weeks. I have had several days of wanting to go back to klonopin just for some relief( I haven't yet) however I did experience it while on Klonopin and was having some tolerance symptoms, thus my decision to wean. Day 4-5 after a cut I feel symptoms intensifying( fatigue,feeling unmotivated, apathetic, difficulty smiling, Stomach upset- that has been the worst for me lately,dropping weight and having to force myself to eat, muscle tension and achiness- best described as feeling flu like but not having the flu). I am usually a very productive person and tapering has zapped my enthusiasm to get things done or be interactive with people.  It is like I unintentionally withdrawal but it feels different than a true depression. Sunny days are here and I am indifferent to it and feel alot of guilt about it. I can get caught up in the whole cycle of feeling bad about not feeling well and accepting where i am is best but it does feel the best  etc.... I am sure you get it.

I was making .5mg  Valium cuts every 2 weeks ( much slower than ashton manual) but having increasing withdrawal symptoms. I am going to hold cuts now to at least 3 weeks. I think they were building up and I have been slammed the past 2 weeks. Just dropped to 7.5 mg on Thurs and yesterday I felt better but today I am feeling it. I am a former Trap member( I think you are too) and I remember getting advice to cut smaller and or hold longer so I am going to try to do that. I just want off the med and I know it is going to be a long road . so it goes....

When I awaken I want to stay in bed or try to get back to sleep. The longer I stay the worse the symptoms get. Sometimes I get up quickly and eat something and symptoms will lessen somewhat. I too like coffee , one decaf a day but had to take a 2 week hiatus from it due to stomach upset and finally felt good enough to have one yesterday but not today.

Know that you are not alone!

 

Recover

[[Ga...]]

This morning was so bad I went back to bed and pulled covers over me and felt cold and shivered.

ugh I hate mornings! The feeling like i do not have control really hits me in the AM:(

[[Wi...]]

Mornings are rough to say the very (very, very, very, very...) least.  But having experienced these mornings EVERY day for the duration of my taper to this point and for a time prior I can say that, for me at least and I imagine for most people as well, that over time they do get better.  Originally, for a good long time I would awake in sheer terror and it would take hours to overcome that.  Then slowly it morphed into severe panic and doom and it still took hours to overcome but less hours.  And thankfully now over the last month, I'm beginning to  notice a significant difference. 

 

Granted I have yet to experience a morning where I wake up feeling good, I've had a couple mornings where my worst complaint is I feel depressed.  They were still intermixed with mornings where I woke up to doom or feelings of great self loathing but those were usually associated with a night of bad sleep or not enough sleep.  I guess my point is while mornings still suck, if I were to look back at the horror that was morning for me in the beginning and what I deal with now, they are worlds apart.  And it's only in looking back can I see the difference because this "morphing" seems to go pretty slowly.

 

Truth is, if I had to live with mornings as they are now, I wouldn't be pleased but I could deal with them.  But it seems that if the past is any indication, they will only continue to improve. 

 

So bottom line, while they may never go away completely or they may go and sporatically reappear, there really is hope that they will improve from what they are today

 

WWWI

 

 

[[...]]

WWWI, thanks for posting this...my mornings were getting a little better but I feel like I've gone backwards lately and it's probably because of my period. Do your mornings get worse right before your period?

 

Thanks --mmir

[[Wi...]]

WWWI, thanks for posting this...my mornings were getting a little better but I feel like I've gone backwards lately and it's probably because of my period. Do your mornings get worse right before your period?

 

Thanks --mmir

To make a very long story short, I was put on benzos because of severe PMS induced insomnia.  I found a BC pill if taken continuously stops my cycle, so I no longer have a cycle and therefore no PMS.  So no my mornings don't change as a result.  HOWEVER, there are many many many posts on here talking about an increase of symptoms just prior to periods starting so I absolutely believe your mornings getting worse could be associated to your cycle. 

 

WWWI

[[...]]

WWWI, thanks for the info and best of luck with the rest of your taper.

[[Wi...]]

WWWI, thanks for the info and best of luck with the rest of your taper.

Thank you and you too mmir

[Guest [Da...]]

Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate your insight so much.

 

It is quite a hard thing to describe the dread feelings because a whole array of emotions that come into play. How can I acknowledge and accept when I can't pinpoint it?  Do I just say, I accept this sense of dread upon awakening and move on because it does pass for me?  I'll have to examine it more.

 

Anyway, it is that sense of dread when I open my eyes first thing in the morning. It is like a huge disappointment and discontent of sorts that envelopes me and I can't even put a finger on it to properly acknowledge what I really feel. Just intense dread. Then I feel that I want it to be nighttime again so that I can somehow wake again and feel okay. But reality is that it is morning and I lay in bed very dejected and I start to feel uneasy so I get up. That dread/terror feeling upon awakening is enough to set me off in the wrong frame of mind for hours. I started to feel better early this afternoon and I am okay now. I usually feel okay in the evening too.

 

Recover - I hear you.  Zapped motivation and energy level drops dramatically. I forced myself to do a few things this morning and went straight to bed once I took my am dose of V (at 12:30 p.m.).  I am experiencing loss of appetite and I sometimes don't know what I want to eat. Don't feel like eating this or that so I don't eat. I have to make a real effort to eat something because I noticed that anxiety intensifies when I don't eat.  And yes Recover, I am a former Trap member albeit for a short time.

 

When I think about the dread...I try to determine if it is depression that I feel or anxiety or maybe a combination of both.  It's difficult because it isn't just morning anxiety to me. This time (while tapering) it was a bit of "what's the point" re: this w/d but I stopped that thought after wallowing in it for a bit. I did experience some negative thoughts towards myself, but they seemed hollow for some reason (I don't get that one either). When I was on Clonazepam (Klonopin) as part of my med mix, I bashed myself a lot.

 

I think that I will start holding my cuts longer. I have been doing quite okay except for the last cut which was to 12mg of V.  Maybe that was my theshold (12mg) and it is now time to take my time and hold longer.

 

WWWI - I am sorry to hear that you experience this everyday while tapering.  That must be so horrible for you.  I wish that you get relief soon.  I wasn't getting it very often while I have been tapering down, it just crept up slowly with me recently, but it seems to have manifested itself differently.

 

Recover - I know the feeling quite well too because I used to get it very often in longer phases (felt like depression then) while I was on Clonazepam (Klonopin) for anti-anxiety for 13 years (now I LOL about that because what's the point of being pissed at pdoc...it doesn't accomplish anything positive for me).

 

I really want to acknowledge and accept this dread upon awakening feeling(s) if I can only determine it and understand it. Best of luck to all of you in your tapering.

 

Danni

[[no...]]

I have the dread. I think after a while it has become habitual.

All I can say is I get up immediately and throw myself in the shower. force myself through the a.m. and get to work and do it all over again the next day. I hate dread.

[[sc...]]

Hey Danni,

I really struggle with the mornings as well and you are right that "anxiety" and "depression" just don't cut it as descriptors.  I did a really long taper from 2.0 mg of K and the feelings of doom and dread and fear didn't really start for me until after my taper.  Everyone's experience is different so maybe you will just get through this symptom earlier than I did.  Feelings of fear and doom are still with me and really color the world around me.  I was never a generally anxious person although I had struggled with social anxiety.  Now the world just generally feels like an unsafe place.  I know that my perceptions of the world are inacurate and I try now to let them dictate what I do and don't do but it becomes very tiring resisting the urge to withdrawal fromm the world any further.  PLEASE believe that this symptom of yours is is directly related to WD.  It will go away in time although it is a really hard one to deal with on a daily basis, it can be done.  Keep pushing forward and try not to let those crazy drug-induced thoughts dictate how you live. 

Best, Scott.

[Guest [Da...]]

I have the dread. I think after a while it has become habitual.

All I can say is I get up immediately and throw myself in the shower. force myself through the a.m. and get to work and do it all over again the next day. I hate dread.

 

I think you are right. You know, maybe I am analyzing this too much. I tend to do that.  If I get it tomorrow, I am going to try real hard (or force myself if I can muster the energy) to get right up and say screw off dread; I'm not into you today.  I think your theory that it can become habitual may be valid. Hey, I will try anything to get rid of it. Thanks.

 

Danni

[Guest [Da...]]

Hey Danni,

I really struggle with the mornings as well and you are right that "anxiety" and "depression" just don't cut it as descriptors.  I did a really long taper from 2.0 mg of K and the feelings of doom and dread and fear didn't really start for me until after my taper.  Everyone's experience is different so maybe you will just get through this symptom earlier than I did.  Feelings of fear and doom are still with me and really color the world around me.  I was never a generally anxious person although I had struggled with social anxiety.  Now the world just generally feels like an unsafe place.  I know that my perceptions of the world are inacurate and I try now to let them dictate what I do and don't do but it becomes very tiring resisting the urge to withdrawal fromm the world any further.  PLEASE believe that this symptom of yours is is directly related to WD.  It will go away in time although it is a really hard one to deal with on a daily basis, it can be done.  Keep pushing forward and try not to let those crazy drug-induced thoughts dictate how you live. 

Best, Scott.

 

Thank you Scott for your encouraging words regarding dread and w/d s/x.  I wish you further success and you are doing the right thing tackling your perceptions of the world by keeping it real. Good work. Keep getting out there.

 

Danni

[[jr...]]

I have the same problem in the morning, Danni.  For me I think it's the fear of being a failure for yet another day.

[[Bo...]]

I feel this way since being benzo free a week ago. Never felt like this before benzos. Its like waking up in the morning with my heart pounding, anxiety, tense, fear, hopelessness, unrefreshed, dreading the long long day ahead of me, wanting to go back to sleep but can't, exhausted, foggy. Withdrawal is never worth getting on a benzo in the first place.

[[no...]]

dread. feeling it now. and its not even morning, but this morning was an all time high for it. still thinking its a habit partly, but partly increased from w/d hell. once though, I slept in a different room, and did not have it.

I think the analyzing is in itself part of the w/d process/symptom. It is perhaps my worst symptom these days. A constant checking, self monitoring is consuming me some days. Thats where the throw yourself in the shower, the car, the work comes in. Without that I'd probably.....don't even want to go there.

[[br...]]

Morning anxiety was with me even pre-Benzo.  It's my worst time. I've never been a morning person. Looking back in life now... I remember having nervous stomach when I woke up early sometimes, or had a stressful day coming.  My body just does better in the second half of the day.

 

That said, when our general state calms... our mornings get better. I can tolerate mornings much better now than in the past. Lately (wave) I've had some issues, but I know this will pass. 

 

Morning anxiety is just a reflection of your overall anxiety "setting."  Claire Weekes said it was a product of "worry/churning/worry." 

She spoke in her books about it for years as being normal, and something that leaves when we get a hold an anxiety as a whole.

 

DO eat in the morning. I also find that a little meditation music on my ipod helps if I wake up too early. Also, if you wake up 30 minutes early... just get up. The jerking in and out of sleep seems to agitate the system at times during that last period of morning rest.

 

Hang in there!

 

 

----

 

ps - Just reminding everyone in every post to please stop by and contribute to the anxiety pre/post benzo poll:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=50691.0

This will hopefully be a resource we can all learn from, show to our doctors, etc.  Thanks!

[[no...]]

Yep, good advice. I do the meditation music too, and whenever I can't get to sleep. Have had a.m. anxiety for a long time. Think for me its also just a reflection of processing, or lack of, in sleep state. And it is the time when we are at our most vulnerable, right when we awaken.

Whenever I do not have it...I lie there and smile, and journal- GREAT WAKE!

What it must be like to not have that feeling!

OK. Well, I am grateful to at least be awake, alive, able to get my butt up and shake it off.

[[so...]]

Green tea has more caffiene that coffee so be careful how much you drink.  As a matter of fact...ALL tea has caffiene.  Black tea seems to work good for me as it is supposed to help with anxiety somehow.