2 months off Clonazepam

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???My name is Sarah and I am 27 years old.  I just turned 27  in the midst of anguish, probably the worst birthday I have ever experienced.  I was very sick with blood sugar problems and vertigo and some major anxiety. No doctor could "figure me out" so they just said "Oh she must be crazy, let's just shut her up and put her on some meds."  I was in the hospital about three or four times before I even went on clonazepam.  So, when I started having horrible problems from starting the drug, I just thought it was still me so I continued the drug thinking I must need more.  I was prescribed .5mg per day, but because I am so sensitive to drugs, I could only tolerate .125 per day starting out.  I probably worked up to .25mg per day for about a month, and at one point worked up to .5mg per day, but that was only for a week or so.  If I ever missed a dose I could not function, even with taking such a small dose.  After one month of being on the "poison" I realized something was really wrong.  I wound up in the hospital four more times because I tried to lower my doses not knowing how horrible the withdrawals would be.  So for about a month I started to slowly back down to .25mg per day.  I was feeling so horrible I thought I needed more, but then realized this must be what everyone is talking about with the withdrawal symptoms.  So I preserved, and tried to do it on my own.  By the time I got down to .125mg per day again I was miserable.  I stayed at .125mg for about two weeks, and then stopped from there.  At this point I felt so horrible I decided to get some assistance.  I called an acupuncturist who had worked with several klonopin victims and said he knew how to help.  By day three of being off completely I could not function.  I could barely move and every step was such a struggle, all I could do was sit and stare at the tv.  I pulled myself off the couch just enough to get in to see the acupuncturist.  The news he gave me was devastating.  Right then and then I thought, well this is the end, its time to start saying goodbye to my family.  Really, this is how awful I felt.  He told me I had months of recovery in front of me.  Keep in mind I have a little 3 year old who I have to take care of on my own.  The withdrawals were so awful I had to send her to live with her dad.  The first month I could not feel anything but panic, I woke up in a panic, I went to bed in a panic.  My heart was racing non stop, I could not get off the couch for about three solid weeks.  I tried to knit to keep my mind occupied, which did help.  I struggled the most with the disassociation, which made me feel like the walking dead.  Thoughts like am I really here?  Am I really alive?  The wonderful things in life, like enjoying music, laughing, feeling comfort in someones arms, were completely gone.  I wondered if I would ever feel joy again.  I wondered if the damage was permanent.  So, here I am today two months later and yes I am still struggling.  I am able to work out again, I am sleeping much better (I used to be happy if I could get three hours of sleep a night), I do laugh, and I am just now able to go back to work.  It is incredibly scary though because the depersonalization is still pretty strong, and short term memory just is not the same, and the difficulty focusing, especially reading is still there.  About once a week I have a pretty bad crying spell, and feel hopeless, but from what I read this is all part of the process.  To put it simply, there is no easy way out of this, whether you tapper super slow or not, once you are off the body has to recover and heal and there is nothing easy about that.  I am hanging in there the best way I can and my heart goes out to each and every person here struggling.

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Hi there Sara,

 

You have been through so much.  I really feel for you.. The advice you got is correct.. Healing from benzos does take time and it can be slow.  Often a step forward and a step back leading people to feel that they are not getting anywhere.. It is important to try and keep it clear that you will recover.  You will, but it is going to take time.. Right now I know you will have a difficult time believing this but read around and look for success stories. Maybe keep a diary of how you are feeling so that you can chart any improvements.. Important to keep believing that you will get your life back..

 

Try and get stuck in here.. Post queries in the recovery and withdrawal section.. People here are going through similar journeys and will understand how things are for you.. I have found the support of the forum invaluable in helping me feel it is the drug and not me.  Also this is a place where people actually get it.. It can be so difficult for people who haven't experienced benzo withdrawal to understand.  So be among those who do, that will help you.

 

Have you had your other health problems sorted?  It is important to get your self checked out if you are worried about anything.

 

Hang in there, it will get better.  Join in here, the support will be a great comfort to you and people are so nice and understanding.

 

Hugs to you,

Betsy xxxx

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Hi Betsy-

Thank you for your response:) You are right, people who have not been through this just don't get it.  My family just thinks I have a panic disorder or its just anxiety and I'm like trust me this isn't me.  It definitely feels like one step forward and the right back to bad again, back and forth, making you feel even more crazy.  Yes, I am working on healing the other issues I was having, low blood sugar can be a tricky one to heal, especially now because I can't tolerate anything in my system besides a vitamin and even that makes me feel like crap at first.  I appreciate your advice, thank you:)

Sarah;)

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Wow, you poor thing. You have it really bad. I don't even think my week of cold turkey was that bad. I hope you start feeling better real soon. I hope I do not suffer that much in my last few tapers coming up soon. Take care and I will reread your post to see I there is anything I can help you with.

[[Fe...]]

Please read more sections on this site. Perhaps you need to go on Ensure like some people do. This stuff will mess up every part of your body in withdrawal. Maybe a Beta blocker to slow down your heart would help. It has helped some. Sounds like you need a good Benzowise doctor. I still have one or two bad days a week and I am not even done yet. But I have read we are all different and I am hoping for the best. Please keep reading and you will find some one in your shoes to help.

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Yes, my withdrawals were pretty horrible, I did taper quickly because I was only on it for two and a half months and at a very low dose.  I don't know if I did it too fast or not, but I have been off for two months, so there is no getting back on it, just dealing with the symptoms.  I am working with a great dr and he has me on a very good vitamin, so I am in good hands:) There is no way I would have been able to do this alone.  My heart no longer races, so things are much better now.  Thank you for the response:)Things really did not get that bad until I was on my third day of no clonazepam, so it is different for everyone, really every person just has a different experience so you have to just listen to your body of what is too much and what isn't.  You will know if you have done too much, but some withdrawal symptoms just aren't fun and happen whether you taper slowly or not.  Again everyone is different and some people come off really well, so don't let my story scare you! Good luck with your taper and I wish you the best!

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I feel you! I am almost at 2 months off K myself and what a perilous journey it has been. Had the most awful day today, thought I was going to pass out about a billion times at work, feel weird, like I am not getting blood to my brain or something, just feel stupid and have lost confidence. I occasionally have a good period and think this is it, I am better now then bam, I do not trust myself ro make it across the floor. This really is hard and you are not imagining this it is for real. I know, I used to be cool, but now I am like a scared little rabbit, and sometimes I blame myself. It is rough, but I guess we have to be tough and see how this plays out. I hope for a miracle for you soon and me too if there is some left over.

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Gosh I feel you! I had a horrible day myself:) Trust me I know that feeling, I actually had low blood sugar before I took the stuff so I already had that feeling, for me it just mean I need to eat, but I know klonopin w/d can cause the same thing, maybe try eating when you feel like that? I have definitely lost my confidence too, I was struggling a bit before, but this is just like you feel like you won't be yourself again.  Trust me I think you will see that most people on here have horrible brain fog, but like all the success stories I read, it always comes to pass, this is temporary.  I will hope for a miracle for you as well:) Hang in there, it is going to get better.

[[Be...]]

Hi Sara,

 

Just dropping by to see how things are going.  I see that you are meeting some people.   It feels so much better when we have someone to share this awful time in our lives with.. Are your family benzo wise now?  I got the Ashtom Manual and gave it to a few family members.  Certainly my mum got it.  That has been the saviour for me.  She understands and that means the world.

 

How is your child?  Are you managing to have him home with you again? I'm also a single parent.  Mine is older though, 13! The age is easier, right!  3 is a big handful.  Gorgeous, but a lot of hands on.

 

I hope you have a good night.

 

Hugs,

Betsy xxxx