Looking for some support (7.5 months out)

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This has definately been the hardest thing I've ever done.  Right now I'm about 7.5 months out from my jump from K after a very slow taper after 7 yrs of use.  While I made it through the taper with my life still intact (sometimes just barely) things have been getting progressively more difficult.  I've had to leave my job and am now living with family because the depression has gotten so bad.  Just wondering if anyone else is struggling so badly with depression, extreme mental confusion, unwarranted feelings of fear, dp/dr, and anxiety at this stage.  Or even better, anyone who has moved past this stage.  I'm just exhausted and sleep is elusive and often interupted by awful thoughts and emotions.  I feel at any moment I could be overwhelmed to the point of not being ablt to get up again. 

 

The most frustrating thing is that I don't think I've seen anything I would consider improvement over the past 7 months.  If anything, things have gotten harder.  Or possibly I'm just becoming more and more worn down.

 

As god-awful as I've felt I have continued to exercise and have tried to start some gentle volunteering at a nursing home.  I'm realizing from volunteering just how broken my brain is right now.  Trying to mentally accomplish the simplest tasks is sometimes completely beyond me.

 

SO, I'd just REALLY love some support right now.  I can't wait for the day when I can be others "leaning post" on here but right now I'm just not there.

 

Thanks, Scott.

 

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I have nothing to offer as I am only seven weeks off K, but you have my support and ear at your disposal. It is great you are helping at the nursing home, says something of your character, being in this situation and still helping others. Take care

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Hello, Scotth.  I'm 7 months and 10 days off, and today I'm in a window.  I was in a bad, bad wave for over a month straight where I was getting worse each day, and then viola, a nice window.   Things can let up at any time, and instantaneously.

I hope this offers you some hope as we are about the same time off.

[[rs...]]

This has definately been the hardest thing I've ever done.  Right now I'm about 7.5 months out from my jump from K after a very slow taper after 7 yrs of use.  While I made it through the taper with my life still intact (sometimes just barely) things have been getting progressively more difficult.  I've had to leave my job and am now living with family because the depression has gotten so bad.  Just wondering if anyone else is struggling so badly with depression, extreme mental confusion, unwarranted feelings of fear, dp/dr, and anxiety at this stage.  Or even better, anyone who has moved past this stage.  I'm just exhausted and sleep is elusive and often interupted by awful thoughts and emotions.  I feel at any moment I could be overwhelmed to the point of not being ablt to get up again. 

 

The most frustrating thing is that I don't think I've seen anything I would consider improvement over the past 7 months.  If anything, things have gotten harder.  Or possibly I'm just becoming more and more worn down.

 

As god-awful as I've felt I have continued to exercise and have tried to start some gentle volunteering at a nursing home.  I'm realizing from volunteering just how broken my brain is right now.  Trying to mentally accomplish the simplest tasks is sometimes completely beyond me.

 

SO, I'd just REALLY love some support right now.  I can't wait for the day when I can be others "leaning post" on here but right now I'm just not there.

 

Thanks, Scott.

scott, so sorry you are having such a rough time. although the cluster of symptoms for each person varies I have had more physical symptoms than the mental anguish. not to say it is not depressing not to be able to work and enjoy life. i am 7 months out and i've been in a bad wave for over a week. sometimes when i wake in the moring i have anxiety but it lifts after about an hour. i have some obsessive thinking but it usually is just about being poisoned by these drugs. I think it's really a positive thing to be able to exercise and do the volunteer work. i would love to be able to excercise again but just can't. i have had terrible joint and muscle pain and even pull muscles walking up my steps. it is very frustrating because i have always been in excellent physical condition. i've been a surfer most of my life and now nearly bedridden.. i've heard alot of people say the mental anguish is worse than the physical. you just have to know it will lift one day if you keep doing what you are doing. try to stay strong and eat a good healthy diet. drink lots of water and be kind to youself and you will heal,rstud

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I am 8.5 months out. I am still quite sick but usually able to function. I have both mental and physical sx. I too thought I was getting worse over time, but it was an illusion. Some things were slowly getting better while other new sx appeared. Its just the nature of the beast.

I have never had a full day sx free. But I am getting windows where I can ignore the sx. Life is becoming sweet again, although very slowly.

 

I hope you can distract. You are healing even though it may not feel like it. You can't stop it from happening.

 

Keep us posted.

You are doing great even if it doesn't seem that way. Just being free from a benzo is fabulous!

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Thank you all for your encouragement.  I am trying VERY hard to remain positive and every little bit helps.  I can't wait to get me back!  I can only imagine how much more I'm going to appreciate the small things in life after  this episode.  Just makes me realize how much I've taken for granted. Scott.

[[ve...]]

Hi Scott.

Are you getting some sunshine every day without sunblock?  Winter months can also lead to some seasonal blues and depression.  I don't know where you live or how much time you spend indoors, but that could be a factor.  Also, keep in mind that normal non protracted healing off a benzo is somewhere between 6-18 months.  You're all just getting over the hump.  While it is true that when I was at 6 months, I was feeling about 80% healed, I did end up with a setback at about 9 months which put me back to about 65 to 70% for a month or so, but I kept pressing on and eventually did start to feel better.  We're all different and there is variation between physical vs mental symptoms, as some have already posted.

 

Hang in there buddy,

 

Vertigo

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Thanks Vertigo,

As it sit here typing I have my light therapy box glaring at me.  Right now I'm in upstate NY.  I got it a few weeks ago and probably haven't been as methodical in its use as I should be.  Anyway, thanks for your encouragement.  I'm hoping the coming months will see some improvement for all of us,  come what may.  Now I need to get up off my butt and get outside to enjoy the sunshine (the real thing).

 

Scott.