25days since cold turkey. I am supposed to go back to psychiatrist next week...

[[su...]]

I'm on day 25 since cold turkey Ativan 0.25mg bid for about a year, with a run of Klonopin in there somewhere.  When I originally went to a psychiatrist mid February,  it was to hopefully get on a taper program on something with longer half life.  He told me to stop the Ativan cold turkey and then start Cymbalta.  I did stop the Ativan, but didn't start Cymbalta.  He said he didn't think my symptoms were caused from W/D. 

 

I am still tingling in my feet, legs, and sometimes fingers.  Now having some DP.  Sleep is horrible. Still having some tension in neck, shoulders.  Mind goes wild with thoughts I may just be dying and don't know it.  I thought this would be gone by now.

 

Still functioning around the house, cooking/cleaning, paying bills, etc.    Able to go out to grocery with husband, or to go to the beach on his day off.    Otherwise, I'm pretty much at home alone while he's off at work.  My only real contact with people is a weekly 12 step meeting.  The thought of getting in the car and driving even to a pet food store seems scary.  We moved here a year ago...I was in interdose W/D at the time, although didn't recognize it, and had even back then started limiting my time out of the house.  Having panic attacks, etc.    I realize my lifestyle is not "normal."  My husband is sick of me and my "issues."   and is resentful I'm not working.

 

I don't know whether to go back to this psychiatrist, or not.  He was not at all accepting of my story.  I even showed him the journal I had kept for over a year where I could pinpoint  W/D...rebound anxiety, headaches, nausea, panic, then eventually the tingling.  For that, I not only got a DX of General Anxiety Disorder ( which I have had, and completely managed on low dose Imipramine for 16 years until I took Ativan ), but also with Obsessive Compulsive Features.  Because I was obsessed with what in the world was happening to me....kept a journal, etc. trying to see pattern.  I guess that comes from a R.N. background....I thought is would be helpful.  I suppose he's going to bust my chops for not starting the Cymbalta.

 

Since I didn't do what he told me to do, I can't imagine where we go from here since he doesn't buy into W/D theory.  Any advice/comments appreciated here.  Thanks....

[[pi...]]

Hi sunnyside,

 

Yoiu are very very early off your cold turkey.  All the symptoms you mention are common for withdrawal.  Unfortunately there are so many in the medical field who still doubt or are uninformed about benzo withdrawal.  I also had thoughts of having terrible diseases and until I found this site had so many medical tests that came back normal.  Knowing that others had the same symptoms as me really helped me tremendously coping with this process.

 

I am not sure why you want to go back to your psychiatrist.  I also kept a journal and my doc even told me I was going through interdose withdrawals.  His solution was to take more benzos.  I didn't listen and I am glad, otherwise I would have been taking clonazepam, ativan for breakthrough panic attacks and valium for headaches.

 

Can you perhaps look for another doctor and really inquire about his feelings about withdrawal.  It was my new primary care doctor and myself who finally saw that the meds were making me sick.

 

I don't know if you have read this or not but here is a link to the the Ashton manual and you can see the list of symptoms of withdrawal.

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

 

My husband had to learn a lot in the last few years.  Everyone does recover but it takes time.  You can't hurry your gabba receptors, they will take whatever time it takes to heal.  Maybe he can read some of the information here, unless you experience withdrawal, it is very hard to understand it.

 

Take care and come here often for help and support.

 

Hugs,

pianogirl 

[[su...]]

Thanks, Piano Girl, I really needed that today.  I guess I'm thinking about going back to the psychiatrist because I don't agree with his diagnosis, I don't like having his chart left the way it is, and I thought I might even take HIM the Ashton Panual, or at least parts of it.  Secondary motive is to get my husband off my back, I guess.  "You never do what they say..."  Well, no I didn't.  I also went to 3 different doctors before hitting the psychiatrist's office and each doc said, "You aren't taking that much Ativan...you need to take more...take it more often.  You are anxious....."    Well, the stuff was making me that way.  I tried to explain half life to hubbie...and rebound symptoms.  He says he gets it, but, really, he doesn't.  I offered to pull of the Ashton lit on computer, or even print it out for him..."I'm not going to read that stuff...."

 

So.  I'm kinda the lone ranger here, with the exception of this forum.  Seriously, I was working over 40 hours a week plus taking on-call as an R.N. until I started taking Ativan.  I starting taking it in Jan 2010, and was suffering interdose W?D symptoms by early spring...and finally quit my job that summer. 

 

I guess for now I will call the psych doc and cancel.  The only thing he could do is perhaps start me on Valium and do a taper.  I've read I might not have such a good outcome doing that since I've been off drug  for a few weeks.  Honestly, if I though it would help me through this, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[[pi...]]

Hi sunnyside,

 

Hey I've been there done that.  If the sxs get really bad you can consider a reinstatement and a c/o to valium.  I did a c/o to valium because I found it too hard to taper the clonazepam.  I probably would have tapered even slower if I knew there was a liquid, but I did not know about Benzo Buddies at the time.

 

It sounds like you are pretty functional.  When I pretty much ct'd the ativan for a vestibular wellness test I was deathly ill.  My life also changed drastically when I was put on the ativan.  I quickly reached tolerance and started having panic attacks that scared the heck out of me, since that was not the reason I was put on it in the first place. But life does come back.  I feel better now than I have felt in 3 years in so many ways.  I still have physical sxs, but I am working, shopping, going out to eat without thinking about whether I can handle it.  My  husband has been pretty great and did so much.  He shopped and brought home meals and tried to distract me from my pain.

 

You are really not a lone ranger, you are here amongst us, the ones who really get this withdrawal process.  Please feel free to come and vent, yell, scream or cry. We've all done that many times.  Sometimes it helps to just get it all out, sort of a release.

 

Hugs,

 

pianogirl 

[[am...]]

Hi Sunnyside,

It really helps to come on the forum and find you aren't alone, doesn't it. I'm right there with you. Also went to docs after weeks not being on Ativan and told it couldn't be withdrawal. They were all very very wrong. I read the book, Worse Than Heroin (don't let the title scare you, it was a lifesaver to me - thought I was going insane), but the author also withdrew off of Ativan and I had almost all the same s/x of the author. I was off four months and things just kept getting worse. After reading the book, I was so relieved that what I was experiencing was indeed w/d.  Things are going much better now - even though I had to reinstate. It was either that or suicide.  But after I stabilized on the reinstatement, I began the slow taper and all of my w/d symptoms are very manageable and I can function almost normally. But here is the main thing I wanted to see if you might consider. It is very very difficult for anyone who hasn't experienced benzos and the w/d from them - they just can't understand.  So I had everyone in my family read the book, Benzo-Wise. They had all seen me deteriorate to a point of nonfunctionability and I told them all - if you love me and want me to heal, please read the book. It helped so much - they all read it and when I tell them things now about weird disturbing symptoms - they have a point of reference....I hope that is helpful Sunnydaze. We are going to make it through this - it is a long road but we will.

amb

[[Al...]]

Sunnyside,

I ended up seeing a pysch doc through all of this because the docs who put me on the benzos did not believe the benzos could do this. By the time I saw the psych doc I was crying and obsessed with what in the world was happening to me? someone once said, "never cry in front of a psychiatrist". Those tears got me 3 different diagnosis.   1. generalized anxiety disorder 2. OCD 3. depression.  yikes!  IT'S WITHDRAWAL.  I also did not want that in my med history....but if I go back, he'll probably add more diagnosis