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Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) during recovery


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Anyone else experiencing some depression, anxiety, or restlessness with the change in the seasons? Prior to using benzos, and even while I was on them, I never had any issues with a change in the seasons.  As the warmer weather approaches, I find that many of my withdrawal symptoms have gotten even stronger, particularly the depression and anxiousness.  I find that I am plagued with intrusive thoughts and memories once again (last time they were this bad was September).


Part of me wonders if it could also be an association I have with this time period.  It was around mid-April of last year when I got hit with the worst withdrawal symptoms that I have experienced throughout this ordeal.  It was so awful that for over 3 weeks I couldn't eat, go to school, or go to work.  It even led me to using 4.5 mgs of Klonopin within a week.


Of course we are still in early March, so I can't really say it is an association with a bad anniversary... however, this winter has been unusually mild and the way it feels outside now is similar to how it felt last April.  If I could peg this as just another coincidental wave then it would put me at ease.  But now I am wondering if I could have developed SAD or perhaps am experiencing anniversary or season-specific PTSD from the events that occurred last year.


Either way I am going to soldier on, as I had some of my best days days when that hell ended.  So I am sure that after this wave passes things will be even better.  Was kind of hoping the warmer, milder weather would have been better for my mood/withdrawals, not worse.


Any input is appreciated.





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this is maybe more than coincidence then. I am in a coooold climate, but this winter too, has been mild. Yesterday it was unusually warm, and very springlike. I was at my desk at work and had all these really weird blips...small quick associative memory things. Not even a whole event, just these tiny deja vu moments. And- you would think it would be pleasant, warmth, birds chirping. NOT. I was melancholy at first then just plain DR and weirded out, leading to fear.

I know that winter is normally not a great season for me. This is so strange, and I cannot explain what we are experiencing, but I know that this whole hell has had some strange symptoms.

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I completely agree that the weather can make it worse. I live in a very damp, rainy area and the rain has NEVER bothered me, until I got involved with Benzos. This has been the darkest, dreariest winter of my life. Literally and metaphorically! I used to love early dark mornings and this winter I came to fear them because that's when the worst of my anxiety used to strike.


Now, we keep getting the odd glimpse of the sunshine and it is such a tease!!! Back to rain and dark skies today and for the entire weekend.  :'(


Spring can't come soon enough for me. I have this idea that it is going to bring me complete healing.

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