wondering if i should go back on klonopin

[[an...]]

I am 34 months out,I have had a very very dificult wd,last year I had hope,this year it,s constant sx,I am wondering if it,s becouse I stopped going to my adult day center to keep busy with activities,I have been sick for months now with no windows hardly,and if I did have one,it lasted a day or a few hours,I just want my life back that's all,time is passing me by,and at least I had a bertter life on klon exept for the last 2 years on it as I took it 4 16 years which was almsot half my life when I came off! I just give up on ever healing.   Angel

[[Cr...]]

Hi angel.  The choice to reinstate is a very personal one.  Do to the nature of this forum, you know what kind of responses you will get.  I am pretty sure that you also know of the complications that may arise should you reinstate; benzo not working as it did before or relief is shortlived, having to go through another taper.

 

That being said, it sounds as though you are pondering if a lot of your symptoms may stem from psychological issues/stress.  If that is the case it may be more helpful to see a therapist and work out life problems through effective therapy rather than go back on benzos.

 

If you ultimately feel that you do need some kind of medication to manage your symptoms, then you may want to consider talking with your doctor about other non-benzo medications for anxiety/depression management such as beta blockers or even anti-depressants.  Professor Ashton herself has said that ADs can be effective in dealing with post withdrawal depression and anxiety.  Of course, that means you will have another taper to contend with, but generally speaking AD withdrawal does not appear to be as intense as benzo withdrawal (based on what I have observed and my own personal experiences).

 

Have you tried lifestyle changes such as daily exercise, diet modifications, meditation, etc?

 

At this point in your recovery (34 months), I would feel guilty telling you to just give it more time and nothing else.  I hope that you choose not to reinstate on benzos, but in the event that you do, you would still be welcome here.

[[bl...]]

This is a terrifying post to me. I'm trying to come off of 16 years of Xanax for panic disorder with agoraphobia. This makes it sound like it's not worth coming off long-term meds to me. My guess is that, after 3 years, this is your original problem returning. I keep fearing this since I wasn't functional when I started on Xanax, and had already been through almost a decade of "other treatment" like CBT, biofeedback, a decade of psychotherapy, and more other meds than I can count.

 

No one but you can make your decision for you except you.

 

And I think you know what most people in this forum will tell you. They don't support any benzo use from what I can tell. So they'll say, "Under no conditions should you reinstate." So I'm not sure what you're really asking here, but good luck to you!

 

And your sig line asks if anyone else has taken benzos for this long. I wondered the same recently. Well, I have. Kian has for 21 years. A few other posters have as well.

 

I think it becomes complicated by anxiety or panic attack treatment. It surprised me when I joined here that all people withdrawing weren't originally panic disorder/anxiety sufferers. We can be so hard to treat that, at least in my area, they won't even prescribe benzos ever except for long-term and debilitating panic disorder. And even then, the pharmacies treat you terribly.

 

What will I do if I'm in your position in a few years? That's a terrifying thought for me.

[[an...]]

Ok I will try to do that thanks.  Angel

[[an...]]

Well I can tell u that I was takin off against my will and the docter didn,t give me much of taper! That's why I,m in this mess! Period. Angel

[[bl...]]

How awful!  That makes sense now to me. C/T withdrawal can really be brutal and have worse symptoms. Thank you for easing my own anxiety some in sharing this explanation. I hope you feel better soon!

 

I had a doctor once refuse to refill a prescription due to a missed appointment. It was a nightmare for me, and I wound up actually buying Xanax from "the street" until I could make it to another new doctor's appointment six weeks later or however long it was. The ER refused to give me any medication and said "Come back if you're having a seizure." That level of social stigma is a huge part of why I'm trying to get off, so in a sense, I feel it's against my will to come off too... but just because I see the writing on the wall. It's really, really important to taper slowly. Really important. I'm angry at your doctor for doing this to you against your will. 

 

They really need to let us be and take things into our own hands. We're NOT drug addicts. We're dependent. And taking us off the meds too fast causes horrible problems for tons and tons of people.

[[ma...]]

Hi Angel, my heart is with you.

 

I was on nightly Klonopin for 15 yrs. They were making me sicker & sicker the last few yrs I was on them.

I didn't know what was happening to me until my hubby found & read the Ashton Manual on line.

After realizing it was the Klonopin causing my myriad of problems- I decided last April  to come off them.

I  did a 10 month taper with help, advice, & support from the previous benzo forum TRAP.

It was horrific & I never felt "stabilized" or anything close to normal -or even tolerable for most of the time.

They heard a lot from me there. Here too.

Took my last dose Jan 5, 2012 & hoped that being totally off -would finally settle me.

No such luck. It got even worse. Have been beside myself these last 2 months, not knowing what to do.

Considered commiting myself to an institution, & all kinds of desperate things.

 

Have been seening a pharmacology specialist & tried all sorts of things- gabopentin, baclofen, limotrigine, campral,

clonidine, guanfacine..- nothing helps at all & just seemed to get worse.

[Antihistimes -Vistaril & Phenergan-have helped a little  in emergency "freak out" times, & with sleep, but leave me hungover & groggy the next day]

Have felt hopeless many times- so  I know how you feel. Reinstating was not an option for me, as I tried updosing twice

in my taper & it only helped a little for an hr or 2 -then made everything way worse.

 

Last week I saw a psychiatrist specialist. He did thorough intake & concluded it was all protracted benzo withdrawal.

All he could suggest was trying a homeopathic- tiny dose- of the antidepressant Lexapro. It comes in liquid low dose form &

I may try that when it comes into pharmacy next week.

 

Meanwhile, yesterday I felt a little shift inside. The dread/terror abated enough for my mind to stop seizing up. I felt a little more

of myself, & a little hope. I think this benzo thing is so bizarre that nothing is predictable - or even understandable. Things just happen

in their own time. I know we all know that things happen randomly- from reading others postings here.

I keep reading the "Sucess Stories" to keep hope alive when I am desparing. It doesn't always help when we are in throes of pain &

suffering, but still, the struggle of others here touches us somewhere. We are not alone.

 

I think Crono's respose to you was right on target. We do what we can, the best we can -at any given moment.

 

I just wanted to answer you because I was also on Klonopin a long time & have been strugling for years, both on & off of it.

Am a fellow traveler in this benzo nightmare, hoping like you, to feel better & get my life back.

Hang in there. You are not alone. Like Crono said, folks will be here for you, whatever you decide.

Sending you light & love,

 

margaretisabel

 

 

[[an...]]

Omg,they told you to come back when u have a seizure? How r u going to do that? If ur havin a seizure how r u going to get on the phone and call an ambulance? These medical workers/docters make me wanna vomit! U have been through a lot to on these horrible pills it seems like. I feel ur pain and ur frustration,I really do! I was takin off klon a number of times but always got back on,not this time,I was soooo deathly sick when I came off last,I was near death,I felt it,it was the most scariest thing ever,I am so sorry,I didn,t mean to scare u. Please try ur best to do a very very slow taper when the time is right,becouse u don,t wanna end up like me. Prayers&hugs. Angel

[[an...]]

Margarat,thank u,seems like we have a lot in commom when it comes to wd,omg,we were both on them a very long time.I was paralyzed when I came off and still have trouble moving around freely. I feel like someone just doesn,t want me to be happy,something isd stopping me. I did better last winter,and the winter before,now I am full blown sick again,I haven,t had any windows,just wave after wave of sx,I don,t understand!

[[bl...]]

Omg,they told you to come back when u have a seizure? How r u going to do that? If ur havin a seizure how r u going to get on the phone and call an ambulance? These medical workers/docters make me wanna vomit! U have been through a lot to on these horrible pills it seems like. I feel ur pain and ur frustration,I really do! I was takin off klon a number of times but always got back on,not this time,I was soooo deathly sick when I came off last,I was near death,I felt it,it was the most scariest thing ever,I am so sorry,I didn,t mean to scare u. Please try ur best to do a very very slow taper when the time is right,becouse u don,t wanna end up like me. Prayers&hugs. Angel

 

Thanks angel.  Yes, that's what they said. It was petrifying too. I was living alone at the time with a younger child too. That's how they treat you here in my area if you take benzodiazepines. So that's the main reason I'm tapering off now. I don't want to deal with the medical system treating me so poorly and without any dignity or respect to make my own choices. Forget it. I'm tapering pretty slowly and have come down 10%. Thanks for the reassurance. I wish I could reassure you back... all I can say is that I hope you find help for your feelings! 

[[Fl...]]

I had a doctor once refuse to refill a prescription due to a missed appointment. It was a nightmare for me, and I wound up actually buying Xanax from "the street" until I could make it to another new doctor's appointment six weeks later or however long it was. The ER refused to give me any medication and said "Come back if you're having a seizure."

 

One thing I am am going to do from now on when I hear a doctor say something stupid like that or if they ignore something I am telling them is to tell them to put it in my chart and ask for a copy of it right then and there.

 

I haven't seen my medical records but I'm willing to bet that my doctor didn't take note of the fact that I told her point blank that I felt like my brain was being sucked out of my skull through my lower jaw the one and only time I ran out of clonazepam. In retrospect I am VERY lucky she didn't just cut me off from the drug on the spot. I'm sure from a malpractice standpoint she would have been justified in somehow taking away the script. Good thing the internet is around and I was eventually able to figure everything out for myself.

[[os...]]

I have been on Librium for 20 years, i know if i had to CT or rapid taper i would be miserable as sin, if you do reinstate, i would hope that you could do a very slow taper off so you don´t have to have all this suffering, i am so angry that this is happening to you.

 

Whatever you do, i hope things improve, it is nice to know you are still welcome here.

 

Can you change your GP and talk it through?

 

Oscar

[[an...]]

The ahole phsychiatrist who put me through this has already left me agency in feb,there is no word on when the new docter is starting,I hope he is not ignorant like the rest of them,my agency is a joke,but I have a good counselor there,so that's why I won,t leave. I don,t know how much longer this agency is goin to be in buisiness do to the economy the way it is,I do know theyv,e gone dowhill it seems. My psychiatrist who did this to me was a good docter however she didn,t know shit about tapering! Angel

[[an...]]

I think I will just stay off the klonopin and wait for recovery to take place if and when it ever does. Angel

[[Re...]]

What will I do if I'm in your position in a few years? That's a terrifying thought for me.

 

This is my third attempt at getting off klonopin after being on it 11 years. I was hospitalized last year

and my roomate was a 90 year old woman they detoxed off of a 40  year dependency on valium.

I have never seen such horror in my whole life. I begged her daugher to reinstate her. They took

her off because they were worried she would fall.

 

Being that 90 year old woman scares me more than anything. I vowed I would not be her. Try to

make this your terrifying thought. Even if it takes you more than one try to get off.

 

I know this is excruciating...... :'(

[[an...]]

I can,t believe they made a 90 year old wd from valium,she can easily die as she is way to old for detox,r they stupid or what???  Angel

[[Re...]]

I have never seen redder eyes than I saw with her. She had detoxed a few weeks earlier but she screamed and screamed and had the worst light sensitivity. She was in pain and saw bugs. I think she ended up having no quality of life in her. I talked to some of the staff about detox and they all thought everything could be detoxed from. This lady was beyond hysterical. I know I have to throw my left over klonopin out when I am done and not look back.

[[an...]]

I was just like her a few years ago when I detoxed,they shouldn,t have done that to that poor old lady,that's insane. And noone thought that she could die from the stress of it all?

[[Re...]]

I am so very very sorry they did that to you. Especially against your will.

[[an...]]

Thank u real,it is to late to go back now,I am now 34 months out from the last time I used a benzo,also do u think using lunesta for a year and a half from the time I detoxed up until 2010,contributed to this difficulty recovering? Do u think I have to go nack to when I last used lunesta and count my recovery from then? If so,I don,t remember the month that I stopped. Thanks angel

[[Re...]]

Angel,

 

If it was me I would count my last benzo free day as my start. I think I will forever have to be careful not to take rx drugs or

alcohol the rest of my life without worrying about being set back. I think Crono gave some super advice.

 

I think we will forever have to "baby" our brains even being far off from benzos. I would still say 34 months. I wouldn't use

the lunesta anymore. I think these benzos have poisoned us from taking any psychiatric medications.

 

I know you have been really struggling and want answers. If you read the Benzo Wise book you will see that it took others

the same time as you or even more. Unfortunately we all have to be patient.....

 

xoxo

Pam

[[an...]]

Thanks pam,what's the name of the benzo wise book? I think I had that book,but not quite sure,becouse I don,t remember the name of it.  Thanks angel

[[Re...]]

Benzo-Wise by Bliss Johns. I have ordered about 6 copies for family members and a couple therapists.

 

It has really helped me a lot.....

[[be...]]

The 90 year old lady you guys talk about is my real fear... I was on xanax for 20 years..until one day i didnt see my regular Dr (he would give refills for 6 months at the time) this other Dr told me he didnt believe on giving Xanax this way and gave me 20 pills to last me for three months, at the time I was taking .05 3 times a day. A nother DR told me taking xanax was a nasty habit and of course they try to push the newer medications on you....as we know once you take xanax your brain doesn't want anything else. I tried to do a quick taper of the xanax that ended on a trip to the ER where i was introduce to Ativan, they would not give me a xanax there. Now I'm doing a slow taper from the Ativan and when I'm done i need to star tapering Ambiem ( yes, I also take ambiem). I dont want to be that old lady screaming for medication.

I think Drs are starting to be very careful with what they rx since all this celebrities had died from overdose. For me is Adios to benzos, no matter how much i have to suffer now.

Bellisima

[[an...]]

Oh thank u! I,m gonna have to order a copy,any suggestions on where to order online? Angel