Really believe I'm doing this to myself but don't know how to stop. Please help.

[[...]]

It seems like the anxiety created by coming off this medication has started obsessive thinking and worrying that I can't control. I honestly feel like I'm creating most of the problems I am worrying about, just by worrying about them. Sort of like this whole thing is a big catch 22 that I can't snap out of. If I could just tell myself there is nothing to worry about and I could get out of my head, then I wouldn't feel in a daze and fog and get headaches and all the anxiety from worrying is causing the additional stuff in my body like normal anxiety would cause only it's much more infuse because you feel like it will never stop, it's too much pain, and I'm going crazy. I almost feel like if I'd never known what had happened to me I'd never have anything to worry about and wouldn't feel this way at all. Does that make sense? If I could just never think about it again it seems it would all be fine.

 

I swear to you sometimes I feel like I'm totally healed only because I keep thinking about it is why I'm in a daze and fog and can't think straight and get these headaches. It's all a catch 22 it seems. Because I feel that way, out of it and weak and sad I don't want to do anything, but I feel like I need to in order to stop thinking about it all so much. It makes me feel so crazy. I honestly feel like if my head would clear up now I may be fine but this weird boring world I'm in now is so depressing I can't stop thinking and don't know how to get back to the real world. I don't think I'll ever know how to get back there.

 

I don't know how to keep going like this, feeling this close like there is something I need to snap out of but can't. I feel like this routine is going to keep me from ever knowing but I'm too scared of the consequences and depression to try anything else. Do you see how crazy this is making me? It's like I see exactly what my problem is but can't fix it. And passing time to hope it will fix itself drives me even more crazy because I cant do all this repetitive stuff with fear and no emotion. It's all driving me crazy.

 

I try to distract hoping at some point my brain will heal and make me not think this way anymore, but what if it's all just a matter of me telling myself there's nothing to worry about anymore, stop doing it and you'll have your life back. But the waiting and trying to do things in this worried world just make everything so depressing and feel permanent and out me back into the obsessive worried thoughts that I have to make myself stop.

 

I feel so close and yet so far away. Sorry if this post sounded repetitive. A lot of it is stuff I texted my wife earlier and copied over. Can anyone help me understand how I can overcome and how I'm actually going to beat this. It doesn't make sense and I feel like I have figure out a way to stop thinking and worrying about what's wrong with me so nothing will be wrong with me anymore. It feels like it's all in my head and to stop thinking about it and thinking the way I always did before is the only way to beat this.

 

[[...]]

And if I told a doctor all this I'm sure they would say "you just need medication to make you stop worrying and obsessing and to stop being do anxious". But I was never this way before so I feel like I should be able to stop but don't know how to stop thinking of this anymore. I want out of my head but don't know how. I don't want to be trapped in my head worrying about what's wrong with me anymore.  How can I just stop thinking and obsessing about something when it's a cycle of it causing you to feel bad and wrong causing you to think and obsess more. I hate feeling this way.

 

I try and distract like you guys say to not feel this way but even though I'm doing whatever game or tv or task, I'm actually still always thinking or it breaks through somehow at some point. My stupid mind is just too powerful and wants to think to fix things.

[[Fl...]]

Coop,

 

In a normal situation it is possible to "think" your way out of certain thought patterns, and while this may also be true to an extent during benzo wd, it is only true to a very, VERY small extent.

 

I found that the only way for me to cope was to finally let go and resolve myself to letting things take their course. This was probably more a consequence of hitting rock bottom than it was me actively changing what i was thinking, but the end result was that I made peace with the suffering and that allowed me to get through it.

 

Basically what I am saying is that you need to understand that you are NOT doing this to yourself and that yes, worrying might make things a little worse, but ultimately you have very little control over how this all goes down. Right now the best thing you can do is allow yourself to be the victim. There is only so much you can do. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and get through each day as best you can. Eventually those days will turn into weeks and the weeks will turn into months and that's the only thing that will make this go away.

 

 

[[...]]

My wife tells me it's the imbalance causing me to think this way, but all if feels like to me is something I'm doing to myself because I can't stop thinking and worrying and I have to learn to stop. How do I learn? Or do I really just have to keep going through these awful depressing repetitive days for it to stop?

 

This is what she says but I feel like it's me, not the withdrawal and I cant wait I've got to learn to stop. She says:

you are thinking and feeling the things you are now b/c your brain is not balanced enough to process it properly. and you're

already an overthinker and a deep thinker.  once your brain is balanced enough for you to properly assess REAL threats again you will realize all this worry was for nothing.  this w/d is not a REAL threat, it's a perceived threat b/c you THINK it's going to

ruin the rest of your life.  but it's time is limited...

 

I completely understand what she's saying but it feels like I'm doing it to myself and I don't want it to consume me anymore to where I'll never be able to pull myself out of this thinking. I swear I fill like I could live my again if I could just think like my normal self and stop this thinking of benzo withdrawal and what's going on in my head.

[[jo...]]

I feel you and can relate. I have the same thing going on. Your post made perfect sense to me.

I feel like my entire life is about this and all I think about all day is how I feel and what my sx are. The brain just won't shut off and I too feel like I am going crazy.

 

The only thing I can do for releif is stay away from the news, don't talk politics and other things that cause me stress in everyday life. I try to fill my mind reading almost 24/7 to shut down the stray thoughts.

 

I feel for you, think we are in the same boat.

 

If you need to talk one on one feel free to message me or email me. My addy is on my profile.

 

Josephine

[[...]]

Coop,

 

In a normal situation it is possible to "think" your way out of certain thought patterns, and while this may also be true to an extent during benzo wd, it is only true to a very, VERY small extent.

 

I found that the only way for me to cope was to finally let go and resolve myself to letting things take their course. This was probably more a consequence of hitting rock bottom than it was me actively changing what i was thinking, but the end result was that I made peace with the suffering and that allowed me to get through it.

 

Basically what I am saying is that you need to understand that you are NOT doing this to yourself and that yes, worrying might make things a little worse, but ultimately you have very little control over how this all goes down. Right now the best thing you can do is allow yourself to be the victim. There is only so much you can do. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and get through each day as best you can. Eventually those days will turn into weeks and the weeks will turn into months and that's the only thing that will make this go away.

 

FloridaGuy,

 

I want so badly to just let go and the process work it's way out, but I don't know how to stop thinking. I feel like if I could it would all be over. If I never remembered all this happen I might still be a little fatigued and depressed, but I feel like all the problems that my mind creates would be gone and this would be so easy to get through.

 

How do we know we just heal with time? It makes me want to think it takes as long as you allow your mind to continue to worry and obsess over worrying and obsessing? It feels like we all get hit so hard coming off this because we can't stop worrying, thinking, and obsessing over our brains and once we learn to stop, it's over.

[[li...]]

Since you're off the drug, perhaps you can now get out of the situation ?

Stay at a different place, do different activities ? Maybe a little vacation ?

[[...]]

Since you're off the drug, perhaps you can now get out of the situation ?

Stay at a different place, do different activities ? Maybe a little vacation ?

 

I do keep trying to change things up because doing anything or staying anywhere for too long starts to drive me crazy and make me feel trapped and think more. But it only works for a certain amount of time before all the negativity and worry gets the best of me again.

 

Will it really stop worrying when my mind stops making myself fearful and scared for no reason or is it really me causing this because I can't stop thinking about it?

[[pa...]]

Hi Coop.  I know you are aware of the many wd symptoms associated with these benzos.  One of them is "intrusive thoughts", that is what is occurring.  You cannot make that go away, as you are not causing it, its from one thing only, the benzo drug.  Floridaguy explained it correctly.  There is nothing you can do to change it, as you are NOT causing it.  Do exactly what you said you are doing, stay busy with something, even it you have to change what you are doing throughout the day. I know its hard to go through this, but, IT DOES GO AWAY, unfortunately, you cannot make it go away.  You are off the drug, your body is working hard to straighten everything out.  The helper you can be to your system in healing now, small steps, keeping busy, whatever might help you.  Remind yourself, these are Intrusive Thoughts, It Is From The Benzo Drug, I am not causing this, this WILL go away.  Keep posting, you now we all understand.  Hugs, Pattylu 

[[WT...]]

Hi, Coop, I'm so sorry you are still having such a hard time.  FloridaGuy is right -- we have very little control of the thoughts themselves.  Think of it like this, Coop:  When you are normal, and have a bad thought, there is something that puts the breaks on it, and stops it from going out of control -- that thing that puts the breaks on it is a brain circuit the functions with several receptors, including GABA. Every thought you have, and every stopping of thoughts is a mechanical (albeit electro-chemical) process in the brain.  You have to have the "machinery" to stop these thoughts.  Imagine that the nozzle on a water hose is a GABA receptor, and that the water are your thoughts.  Until the nozzle functions correctly, the water is going to spew out in uncontrollable streams. 

[[...]]

Thank you guys so much. I know it's the withdrawal causing me to obsess and worry. I just don't want to do it anymore. It won't let me live at all. It won't allow me to do any activity normally and it depresses me so much to not be able to live my life anymore. Watching tv, reading, playing games, even talking doesn't work for me. I can't enjoy them and find them so boring because my mind won't focus enough. It keeps going back to worry and obsessing and I hate living this way. I just want it to stop. And it feels like the more I do it, the harder it will be to stop doing it. I just want my head to clear up and stop hurting so I can stop thinking about withdrawal and start to live and enjoy life again. Until then all I see is never enjoying anything again and being stuck worrying and obsessing forever. I hate it so much.

 

I don't know how to live, so I don't know how to get through this. My brain just feels so broken and stupid. Will I really be able the think straight and clearly again and stop obsessing and being confused and feeling so stupid.

[[Pe...]]

Coop,

 

For most of this WD I hated to be alone with my thoughts...it was maddening.  I can totally relate to everything you have said...but I will tell you that if you hang in there this WD mind control does go away.  I tried to drown it out with positive affirmation CDs, which did help a little...but this abnormal thinking during the WD process is powerful..and it makes you feel total mental agony.  Distraction can help...but it is difficult to push this 'thinking' out, I know.  Eventually, however, you will begin to notice it decreasing and then have periods where it is gone before it goes away completely.

 

I think the mental sx's can be worse than the physical sx's because you cannot use the normal mental coping mechanisms while this is going on full force.  I just kept plugging away, marking off the days, and eventually this sx became less and less over time.  I also did things like positive self talk...where I would challenge each thought with the exact opposite thought whether I believed it or not.

 

For instance, if my mind said something was too hard to do...I would think it is easy.  If I worried over something irrationally, I would envision a positive outcome.  I did this after reading about neuroplasticity, and this also helped.  But at times, I know, these thoughts are very strong and overwhelming and you can feel absolutely powerless against them.

 

But what I want you to know is that if you hang in there, this abnormal thinking will go away and that it is not permanent.  I also agree with FloridaGuy, sometimes you just have to surrender to the process and do whatever it takes to get through this stage...knowing inside that eventually it will end.

 

I was worn out too...but let me tell you the victory you feel having made it through is sweet.  The cognition problems will clear up too...I know how it feels to be like a retarded 3 year old in and 90 year old body.  But one day it is like the clouds begin to clear and the sun breaks through.  You will get there coop...just keep going and it will happen.  I know it feels like it never will right now...but trust me, that's how I felt too...and if you look at my signature, if Ican do it you can too!

[[sh...]]

I wish we didn't have to go through this, Coop. The over thinking things can sometimes just ruin everything, right? I'm exactly in the same boat as you, though.

 

Thoughts pop up in your head that scare you and you, being human, try to stop those thoughts by thinking,"WAIT! This is not me. I have to reverse this thought process because, if I let it keep going like this, I'll be like this forever." Personally, I don't believe this to be true. I've dealt with this on many occasions. I've tried so hard to fight the thoughts off, telling myself that it's all my fault that they won't go away but, the truth is, like others have said, it might just be withdrawal.

 

My advice to you is to let the thoughts happen. They're only thoughts, they will not hurt you. Your brain is going to push them through whether you want them there or not. It's your reaction to them that is key.

 

Next time it happens, say to yourself,"Okay," and let them work they're way through until they're not there anymore. Hopefully this will help you, as it's taken a load of my shoulders when I'm too distressed in all those intrusive/negative thoughts.