2+ years benzo free and thriving

[[kp...]]

Folks,

 

Everyone needs a success story.  Here is mine. 

 

5 years ago I had a complete nervous breakdown (life stuff).  Instead of going the holistic route (live and learn), my compassionate uninformed MD perscribed Klonopin.  4 MG a day!  1 years later I decided to get off.  I tried and total disaster.  I reinstated and then researched BW and, OMG, I was shocked.  Holy Cow, what am I in for?  I bit the bullet and spent 6 months tapering (fast taper).  For 2 years I was locked in my own house, a prison to depression and lethargy.  I spent the entire time on benzo chat, which was my only lifeline to the outside world.  I lost more money than I will care to disclose.  I lost all my friends.  I lost and lost and lost.  I was suicidal and re-worte my will, contacted neptune society, bought the helium bag and went shoppign for helium.  I was going to call it quits.

 

Angels arrived and encouraged me to give life "one more try" and so I did. 

 

I jogged and jogged and screamed to god "why? Why? Why?" and I fought and fought and fought until I could not fight any more, then I surrendered, and finally said "thy will be done, not mine"

 

Slowly, one by one, angels appeared.  Slowly, light began to shine.  Windows!  Slowly the fog began to clear. 

 

Fast forward today, I am alive, and thriving.  I have a new home, a new relationship, and my life contains meaning and purpose.  I experienced that "Dark Night of the Soul" for a higher reason.  All remnants of ego were burned off.  I was stripped bare, to the bone, but that was not bad.  In fact, that was good.  I made (am making) discoveries that would not have been possible had there not been a benzo hell.

 

I am greatful for benzo hell

 

I am free of bondage of beliefs that are not true.  I see clearly today that I am connected to everyone and everything in spirit.  Today, I see!

 

You will too.  Keep going.  When you can't walk, crawl.  Just keep going  Drink lots of water, talk to others, pray and, for goodness sake, Keep going!

 

You will survive and, more than that, you will thrive.  You must reach for the light, you will see the light, you will heal, I promise.

 

I am an artist and I create art.  I could not create art for 2 years.  I thought my life was over.

 

My life is just beginning; a new life; an amazing life, and yours will too.

 

Enclose photos of the last work of art, a zen garden, to represent the balance and harmony that reflects in my own soul, in art form, from the landscape job I have just completed. 

 

This, from a man who was on 4mg of klonopin daily!

 

 

Blessings

 

Kenny

 

 

 

Edit personal info

[[km...]]

Congrats!!!

I wish I could just see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs

 

[[ma...]]

THANKS!

 

We all need stories like this.

 

Oddly, when my bad waves break and I get a window, these windows have a clarity and sense of existential direction that is both new and yet familiar. It's hard to explain. Benzo hell has burnt my ego to the ground and I am also oddly OK with that. I think any serious illness would do the trick and like Cancer survivors, you are never the same.

 

I hope in two years I have a similar report to give this forum. I am hopeful that I will.

 

-M

[[Ga...]]

hi Kenny,

Thanks for giving back. Did you see the movie pay it Forward?

Thats what you are doing by coming back and telling us your story

and that there is hope

Getting off 4 mg of K is unbelievably hard i would think!

Congratulations

[[os...]]

Wow. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your new life, way to go. 

 

Os

[[ch...]]

Thanks Kenny..that was a really great story. Glad you are doing great.

 

 

Chrisw

[[rs...]]

Kenny, wisdom is a wonderful thing and you have it. Thanks for sharing. rstud

[[Jo...]]

Thnk you so much for the healing words. I can't stand it when it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It does feel like a "one step foward, three steps back" sometimes.

[[Ti...]]

I really needed this today.  I told my husband and my doctor I think I am dying.  I told my husband maybe the my Lord will take me in sleep.  Do I really want to die?  No!!!!  It's just that the suffering is beyond comprehension sometimes.  THANK YOU--you were my angel today

[[Mt...]]

Hi Kenny,

 

its good to hear that you are so far away from this total nightmare and that you have some perspective on it now you did not have while you were going through it. I hope I can say one day that I can be grateful for this experience but for now I just feel angry and betrayed. I believe that with every low there has to be an equal high and benzo hell is a very low low place to be.

 

mtnhigh

[[Pa...]]

Hi Kenny,

 

Thanks for coming back to write your Success Story, it's good to see you again, and to know you're doing so well. 

 

Pam

[Guest [...]]

hey Kenny

 

love love love your story i came off really fast 45mg of valium down to 2.5 in 18days which was so cruel.  Im still obviously unwell but hearing your story makes me believe i can do it to.

 

thanks mate

 

Lizzy

[[al...]]

Folks,

 

Everyone needs a success story.  Here is mine. 

 

5 years ago I had a complete nervous breakdown (life stuff).  Instead of going the holistic route (live and learn), my compassionate uninformed MD perscribed Klonopin.  4 MG a day!  1 years later I decided to get off.  I tried and total disaster.  I reinstated and then researched BW and, OMG, I was shocked.  Holy Cow, what am I in for?  I bit the bullet and spent 6 months tapering (fast taper).  For 2 years I was locked in my own house, a prison to depression and lethargy.  I spent the entire time on benzo chat, which was my only lifeline to the outside world.  I lost more money than I will care to disclose.  I lost all my friends.  I lost and lost and lost.  I was suicidal and re-worte my will, contacted neptune society, bought the helium bag and went shoppign for helium.  I was going to call it quits.

 

Angels arrived and encouraged me to give life "one more try" and so I did. 

 

I jogged and jogged and screamed to god "why? Why? Why?" and I fought and fought and fought until I could not fight any more, then I surrendered, and finally said "thy will be done, not mine"

 

Slowly, one by one, angels appeared.  Slowly, light began to shine.  Windows!  Slowly the fog began to clear. 

 

Fast forward today, I am alive, and thriving.  I have a new home, a new relationship, and my life contains meaning and purpose.  I experienced that "Dark Night of the Soul" for a higher reason.  All remnants of ego were burned off.  I was stripped bare, to the bone, but that was not bad.  In fact, that was good.  I made (am making) discoveries that would not have been possible had there not been a benzo hell.

 

I am greatful for benzo hell

 

I am free of bondage of beliefs that are not true.  I see clearly today that I am connected to everyone and everything in spirit.  Today, I see!

 

You will too.  Keep going.  When you can't walk, crawl.  Just keep going  Drink lots of water, talk to others, pray and, for goodness sake, Keep going!

 

You will survive and, more than that, you will thrive.  You must reach for the light, you will see the light, you will heal, I promise.

 

I am an artist and I create art.  I could not create art for 2 years.  I thought my life was over.

 

My life is just beginning; a new life; an amazing life, and yours will too.

 

Enclose photos of the last work of art, a zen garden, to represent the balance and harmony that reflects in my own soul, in art form, from the landscape job I have just completed. 

 

This, from a man who was on 4mg of klonopin daily!

 

 

Blessings

 

Kenny

 

 

 

Edit personal info

 

This is absolutely beautiful!! you have me in tears right now..I have lost so much as well and praying to have my wonderful life back..I simply cannot wait!!I am so happy for you!!! :smitten: ..Your story is so inspiring!

[[Up...]]

Your story is a Godsend, Kenny. Thanks for much for coming back and helping us out who are fighting the good fight. I hope that in 2 years I can post the same.

[[kp...]]

Thank you all, Everyone, for the beautiful replies.  Life on this side is full of splendor, peace, tranquility, joy, faith and gratitude.  Gratitude for BW.  If it were not for that ordeal, I might still have an ego.  Its gone now, that ego, every last piece of it, and in its place there is humility and real love. Love for myself, and appreciation for my creator who carried me during BW when I thought I could not take one more step.  The shift in paradim is the miracle, and the joy is far greater than those silly financial losses.  Today life has meaning, and it will for all of you also, I PROMISE!  Everyone heals 100% form BW, and this is a mathmatical certainty.  God bless you all.  I can do art again, and the creativity is from source, and that source is love, so I am the welthiest man on earth.

 

Love

 

Kenny :yippee: :yippee: :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

[[Wo...]]

Folks,

 

Everyone needs a success story.  Here is mine. 

 

5 years ago I had a complete nervous breakdown (life stuff).  Instead of going the holistic route (live and learn), my compassionate uninformed MD perscribed Klonopin.  4 MG a day!  1 years later I decided to get off.  I tried and total disaster.  I reinstated and then researched BW and, OMG, I was shocked.  Holy Cow, what am I in for?  I bit the bullet and spent 6 months tapering (fast taper).  For 2 years I was locked in my own house, a prison to depression and lethargy.  I spent the entire time on benzo chat, which was my only lifeline to the outside world.  I lost more money than I will care to disclose.  I lost all my friends.  I lost and lost and lost.  I was suicidal and re-worte my will, contacted neptune society, bought the helium bag and went shoppign for helium.  I was going to call it quits.

 

Angels arrived and encouraged me to give life "one more try" and so I did. 

 

I jogged and jogged and screamed to god "why? Why? Why?" and I fought and fought and fought until I could not fight any more, then I surrendered, and finally said "thy will be done, not mine"

 

Slowly, one by one, angels appeared.  Slowly, light began to shine.  Windows!  Slowly the fog began to clear. 

 

Fast forward today, I am alive, and thriving.  I have a new home, a new relationship, and my life contains meaning and purpose.  I experienced that "Dark Night of the Soul" for a higher reason.  All remnants of ego were burned off.  I was stripped bare, to the bone, but that was not bad.  In fact, that was good.  I made (am making) discoveries that would not have been possible had there not been a benzo hell.

 

I am greatful for benzo hell

 

I am free of bondage of beliefs that are not true.  I see clearly today that I am connected to everyone and everything in spirit.  Today, I see!

 

You will too.  Keep going.  When you can't walk, crawl.  Just keep going  Drink lots of water, talk to others, pray and, for goodness sake, Keep going!

 

You will survive and, more than that, you will thrive.  You must reach for the light, you will see the light, you will heal, I promise.

 

I am an artist and I create art.  I could not create art for 2 years.  I thought my life was over.

 

My life is just beginning; a new life; an amazing life, and yours will too.

 

Enclose photos of the last work of art, a zen garden, to represent the balance and harmony that reflects in my own soul, in art form, from the landscape job I have just completed. 

 

This, from a man who was on 4mg of klonopin daily!

 

 

Blessings

 

Kenny

 

 

 

Edit personal info

 

Great inspiring story Kenny

 

If your still about and get this would you mind telling us how you got back in to life and reality after been out of it for 2 years? Was it a gradual connection or did you just automatically connect once you where fully healed??

 

I've been chronically Depersonalized along with severe Derealization now for 21 months and even though I force myself out and act as best I can inside the DP/DR terrifies me when I'm out so bad now that I'm scared if reality ever comes back I won't regonize it or it will then also terrify me now that I've lived so altered for so long??

 

If your there please tell us how the transition back to normal life and reality was for you?

 

Cheers

 

Woofs

[[al...]]

Reading success stories is what keeps us all going. Thanks! 

[Guest [jc...]]

Thank you Kenny.  Your story is so inspiring and I needed to hear this today.  So happy for you.

[[Fr...]]

Congrats Kenny,  thank you for your words of inspiration.

[[Gr...]]

Folks,

 

Everyone needs a success story.  Here is mine. 

 

5 years ago I had a complete nervous breakdown (life stuff).  Instead of going the holistic route (live and learn), my compassionate uninformed MD perscribed Klonopin.  4 MG a day!  1 years later I decided to get off.  I tried and total disaster.  I reinstated and then researched BW and, OMG, I was shocked.  Holy Cow, what am I in for?  I bit the bullet and spent 6 months tapering (fast taper).  For 2 years I was locked in my own house, a prison to depression and lethargy.  I spent the entire time on benzo chat, which was my only lifeline to the outside world.  I lost more money than I will care to disclose.  I lost all my friends.  I lost and lost and lost.  I was suicidal and re-worte my will, contacted neptune society, bought the helium bag and went shoppign for helium.  I was going to call it quits.

 

Angels arrived and encouraged me to give life "one more try" and so I did. 

 

I jogged and jogged and screamed to god "why? Why? Why?" and I fought and fought and fought until I could not fight any more, then I surrendered, and finally said "thy will be done, not mine"

 

Slowly, one by one, angels appeared.  Slowly, light began to shine.  Windows!  Slowly the fog began to clear. 

 

Fast forward today, I am alive, and thriving.  I have a new home, a new relationship, and my life contains meaning and purpose.  I experienced that "Dark Night of the Soul" for a higher reason.  All remnants of ego were burned off.  I was stripped bare, to the bone, but that was not bad.  In fact, that was good.  I made (am making) discoveries that would not have been possible had there not been a benzo hell.

 

I am greatful for benzo hell

 

I am free of bondage of beliefs that are not true.  I see clearly today that I am connected to everyone and everything in spirit.  Today, I see!

 

You will too.  Keep going.  When you can't walk, crawl.  Just keep going  Drink lots of water, talk to others, pray and, for goodness sake, Keep going!

 

You will survive and, more than that, you will thrive.  You must reach for the light, you will see the light, you will heal, I promise.

 

I am an artist and I create art.  I could not create art for 2 years.  I thought my life was over.

 

My life is just beginning; a new life; an amazing life, and yours will too.

 

Enclose photos of the last work of art, a zen garden, to represent the balance and harmony that reflects in my own soul, in art form, from the landscape job I have just completed. 

 

This, from a man who was on 4mg of klonopin daily!

 

 

Blessings

 

Kenny

 

 

 

Edit personal info

 

All remnants of the ego burned off.  Yes, I get that.  Not there yet.  Thanks for a great, inspirational success story

[[Se...]]

Thanks Kenny,

 

I needed your story today.

 

I am a Social Worker and when this pain passes I am planning a career change to work as a drug and alcohol counselor. Everyone on earth has addiction issues that much I know. Except for my Grandma who lived to 103. That was her reward from God for leading as close to a life of selflessness and humility as is possible.

 

Yes. we all heal in time and that is that. For myself, I was not able to make the necessary diet changes and so my suffering continued as I would down regular coffee, gorge on sugar, and seldom exercise.

 

At times I abandoned my faith in God and was very angry. The anger was fuel for the depression and I just kept on paying a heavy price for my unwillingness to completely commit to recovery.

 

I have stopped telling people about my suffering, except for a group counseling session lead by a doc and a psychologist. They believe me in the group and support me but I would prefer not to be at work with all the stress it can bring. The doc says I must keep working and focus on the commitment to do everything I need to get well. It is overwhelming at times and I am not on good terms with the Management who are the type that view vulnerability as weakness despite me doing a good job and no one complaining to them about me. They are oblivious but I cannot change them! I just have to work around them and act with integrity at all times.

 

Regarding being stripped of ego, you are right and that is one of the things that is good. I have been so totally humbled by all this and I needed that. God loves humility and in my opinion that is the ultimate quality to achieve in this life. I still have a ways to go, for sure.

 

I will keep going and never quit. I believe you when you say that there is a new life waiting on the other side of this torment.

[[Lo...]]

 

The doc says I must keep working and focus on the commitment to do everything I need to get well. It is overwhelming at times and I am not on good terms with the Management who are the type that view vulnerability as weakness despite me doing a good job and no one complaining to them about me. They are oblivious but I cannot change them! I just have to work around them and act with integrity at all times.

 

Regarding being stripped of ego, you are right and that is one of the things that is good. I have been so totally humbled by all this and I needed that. God loves humility and in my opinion that is the ultimate quality to achieve in this life. I still have a ways to go, for sure.

 

I will keep going and never quit. I believe you when you say that there is a new life waiting on the other side of this torment.

 

I am with you Sedro...management where I am does not understand. I too want to shift my career to health & wellness and study integrative health and nutrition and become a licensed nutritionist

 

I have been angry with God too...but yesterday I heard God tell me, "Let it go...just let it go..." I have too...I have to keep working, live life and know that I will heal!

 

Many blessings to you. 

[[ca...]]

Beautiful post, Thanks!!!

[[je...]]

Thanks for your wonderfully reassuring recovery post. We are all healing, and your understanding of what benzos cost us and what has been restored ten fold to you inspires us.  I am weller and weller. I can feel the joy of living again after the long nightmare. "The years that the locusts have eaten away will be restored unto you"; that is all of us.

[[Ga...]]

dear Kenny

Wow.  Beautiful success story, brought tears to my eyes.  This is such a hard road to healing.  15 months now.  I am weary, get very down, full of fears, body weak .... What we all go through I know.  I am appreciating more of course ... When we have nothing left, we realize how precious just living is.  I have come full circle back to loving God, realizing I have no control in this is very hard.  Acknowledge, acceptance, ignore is my mantra...letting go of sxs but it's so hard, as you well know.  Thanks again, bless you and I am so happy you are back to life and happy. 

 

Galea