Yesterday was great... Today was absolutely horrific!

[[so...]]

How can this be?  How can a person go from feeling wonderful one day and in less than 24 hrs feel as the punishment of the world has been laid upon him?  I can honestly say thus is by far the worst I've felt during detox with every symptom imaginable hitting me times 10. The extremes of this process is nothing short of horrific.

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I cycle like that every day. Horrible mornings, good evenings. I don't understand it. It's very hard to take.

[[...]]

There is no rhyme or reason.

I know what you mean.  Sometimes I feel ok for a few hours or even a couple of days and then very sick again.

Recovery from this is not linear as it is with other illnesses or injuries.

 

Hang in there.

[[be...]]

Sooner,

 

This has been my cycle for the last year.  I get great windows from the moment the sun comes up then slammed back into hell when the sun goes down.  It is such an extreme contrast that I it is hard to take at time.  I'm going to have PTS when i see a sunset.  ugh.

[[so...]]

I really need to hear from someone at 5.5 months.  As I write this I'm wondering if my problems stem from something I ate last night?  I felt so good yesterday I decided to Indulge and ate two hotdogs last Night.  About 3am this morning I sat straight up in bed in pain. My right arm had gone numb like I slept on it wrong and cut off the circulation. Only I was sleeping on my back....it was scary as at that point I thought I was having a heart attack. I'm now wondering if the additives in those hotdogs is what has caused my suffering.  I am truly miserable and have NEVER experienced anxiety this bad.

 

Has anyOne ever reactEd to processed food this way?  At this point I am seriously considering taking half a Valium...I've got to have some relief.

[[...]]

Soonerdean,

 

I am 5.5 months off, just like you.  I don't know if it was the hotdogs or not.  It could have been, I don't know what to tell you there.  About the right arm pain though...not last night, but the night before, I woke up at 5 or 6am with extreme nerve pain shooting through my right wrist, and yes, some numbness.  I had eaten some processed food the night before, but nothing that only a few weeks ago hadn't bothered me more than a tiny bit.

 

Usually if I have a reaction to food I get a huge increase in physical anxiety (jitters, etc.) for several hours and then it will subside.  The first month or two off it would be so bad I'd just have to lay down and wait it out.  Lately it doesn't seem so bad but I know what to stay away from more.

 

However, I know what you mean about things going from great to awful.  Last Wednesday and Thursday I just had a few residual symptoms and I felt so alive.  I was basically living life like a normal person.  Now yesterday and more so today I am miserable.  All I want to do is sleep.  There is this cloud of gloom and doom hanging over me, I'm nauseous, constantly weak and occasionally out of breath.  I have random aches and pains and often feel like I'll just burst into tears for no reason.

 

I know it's withdrawal though.  I felt like this last night and then for an hour or two last night, a window opened right in the middle of it.  Unfortunately when I woke up this morning, it had slammed shut again...that probably sounds familiar.  I guess what I'm saying is don't take any Valium...that may not even make it better, and it will pass.  I know it's hard to believe when you're right in the middle of it but just hold onto how you felt last night.  Even if it was something you ate, it will be over and you will have another window soon.

[[an...]]

I am starting to get used to this too. I don't ever think I must be all better because I feel so good, because that night or the next day I may be right back in hell again. When will I know it's (WD) really over?

[[so...]]

I made it through the night without taking the 1/2 valium...that was not easy.  What scred me so bad was how quickly I went from feeling great to feeling the worst EVER!  I left work yesterday early because I felt so bad and when I got home I went straighth for the couch.  I ate a light dinner and was in bed around 8pm...acutally fell asleep around 9pm and only got up once during the night.  I woke up at 5am because I got a phone call from work and had all those same dark/depresssed/anxious feelings so I began getting ready for another day of battle.  I just hate those feelings.  I really think I'd rather have physical pain over this mental crap.

 

I'ts now 6am and I can say that I feel some of that depresion/anxiety lifing but Im not going to get too excited.  One quesiton I do have for you....when you've had a really good window do you feel the next wave is stronger in intensity?  This past Sunday was the first "Full Day WIndow" that I've had in my 5.5 months of detox and if this is the normal routine I'd rather skip these windows and just feel mildly crappy all the time rathern than enduring what I did yesterday.  I'm really tryingn not to whine because I know therre are many others on this board suffering just like I am but this is new territory for me and I'm not used to it.  I'm also trying to maintain civility towards the medical profession right now but am finding that more and more difficult with each passing day.  As I read all these posts of others suffering and their doctors telling them their suffering is not due to benzo w/d makes me furious.

 

Anyway...I want to say THANKS to those that responded to my plea for help yesteday.  You have no idea how much that helps a person like me.  At least, for now, I feel like I'm back on my feet today and ready to take on anoter day.  Nobody in my family understands and they have lost patientce with me...can't say I really blame them.  They are moving on with their life..as they should...but I'm gettng left behind.  It brings me to tears sometimes.  Oh well....nothing to do but keep on keepin on. 

 

THANKS AGAIN!

[[an...]]

Dear Soonerdean,

Please keep your focus on all of the positive things you are doing. I think we are here, partly, to learn. You are already helping others with your experiences! We can help each other go through this!

[[...]]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.  I don't really get long, full windows yet but when I get a halfway decent break, yes, it feels like the next wave is so much worse.  I'm still in the middle of the torture.  Mentally it feels like I cannot make it, and it feels like I might pass out at any minute too.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's even withdrawal anymore.  I felt ok for a while yesterday morning and made a dentist appointment for this afternoon...and now I have no strength, willpower, etc. to drag myself out of bed and go to it.  Every little thing bothers me right now -- especially the sound of my dad coughing.

 

I would have expected it to be better than this 5.5 months out from short term use.  I guess not.

[[...]]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.  I don't really get long, full windows yet but when I get a halfway decent break, yes, it feels like the next wave is so much worse.  I'm still in the middle of the torture.  Mentally it feels like I cannot make it, and it feels like I might pass out at any minute too.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's even withdrawal anymore.  I felt ok for a while yesterday morning and made a dentist appointment for this afternoon...and now I have no strength, willpower, etc. to drag myself out of bed and go to it.  Every little thing bothers me right now -- especially the sound of my dad coughing.

 

I would have expected it to be better than this 5.5 months out from short term use.  I guess not.

 

I hope you turn a corner soon and get to experience wide open and long-lasting windows.

Hang in there.

[[...]]

Hi soonerdean:

 

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.  Hope you keep improving.

 

You never know when you'll get a beautiful wide open window.  It could be any minute.

 

Take care.

 

 

[[...]]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.  I don't really get long, full windows yet but when I get a halfway decent break, yes, it feels like the next wave is so much worse.  I'm still in the middle of the torture.  Mentally it feels like I cannot make it, and it feels like I might pass out at any minute too.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's even withdrawal anymore.  I felt ok for a while yesterday morning and made a dentist appointment for this afternoon...and now I have no strength, willpower, etc. to drag myself out of bed and go to it.  Every little thing bothers me right now -- especially the sound of my dad coughing.

 

I would have expected it to be better than this 5.5 months out from short term use.  I guess not.

 

I hope you turn a corner soon and get to experience wide open and long-lasting windows.

Hang in there.

 

Thanks mmgc.  Mentally I feel a bit more stable now and made it through the dentist's appointment, but physically I still feel very weak and don't understand why.  If it doesn't pass within the next couple days I'll probably get it checked out to be safe, but I have unfortunately dealt with a similar withdrawal feeling before.

[[...]]

 

Thanks mmgc.  Mentally I feel a bit more stable now and made it through the dentist's appointment, but physically I still feel very weak and don't understand why.  If it doesn't pass within the next couple days I'll probably get it checked out to be safe, but I have unfortunately dealt with a similar withdrawal feeling before.

 

Glad you were able to go to your dentist appointment.  I was supposed to go for a check up and cleaning this week but cancelled.  I don't think I can handle laying there with the light in my face and someone probing around in my mouth.  Oh well, one missed dental check up, probably no big deal.

 

I think it's a good idea to get checked out by your doctor.  Even if it's all withdrawal at least you'll know for sure and that might give you some peace of mind.

 

Take care.