Fear of losing your mind in WDs?

[[os...]]

Hi all,

 

Does anyone really fear actually losing their mind in tapering? When i am in a wave and get overwhelmed, my biggest fear is going over the edge... yet i know it is just the drug BUT it really scares the hell out of me.

 

I am holding and doing OK right now and i am going SLOW for the remainder of my taper, yet my mental health at times feels under so much strain, is this normal, does anyone else fear they might go mad?

 

Oscar

[[RM...]]

yes i had it before Oscar, its crazy i thought of it alot think about if i should go to a ward, but when i overcome the peak of it.....I THANK my self for that thought, cause i REALIZED the way i was thinkin, and it made me think more, like "ok i must change my thoughts" ...how can i do that? what makes me happy, music, pranks ... so i think of it as "Thank you for havin have me have that evil thought...which is not true, im fine.. makes me focus  more on my goal. and the loving things in love

 

Hope i can help

Stay Strong

[[WT...]]

At one point, I did lose my mind completely.  At times I still feel I'm losing it, but it's better than it was.

[[Bi...]]

Try to stay grounded, Oscar.

And YES I have thought about it. I know it's the withdrawal.

While tapering, yes I had that, too. Just stay grounded.

 

You know something odd, while tapering and off.. and withdrawal, we find ways of coping with anxiety and don't even know it! It's amazing what the body can do.

 

Billy.

[[os...]]

Thanks guys. I am titrating and never held my dose and i have gone from 12mgs Valium to 4mgs in 7 months with NO breaks... i think it all just caught up with me in the past 2 weeks... i started getting VERY bad anxiety which worsened, eventually i was crying on the phone, really fogged out and then anxiety hit like i had never known before, i was terrified of being left alone, why i do not know but all i could feel was FEAR and i have been exhausted since, had nausea for the past week and the anxiety has been simmering the whole time, fortunately i have been sleeping but adrenaline every morning and a fear of it all kicking off again... then more fog and more fear of losing it...

 

3 days ago i started holding and today i felt stable and sane again, i talked to a friend and tried to explain how i was just 5 days ago and i am not ashamed to say i cried because i was trying to say how scared i was of going mad, the realization that it was not me became too much.

 

I have been on Benzo´s for 20 years and looked on the site here and i could read of others having physical stuff going on and wondered if i am too dependent to get off myself due to my sx´s, yet i have NOT lost my mind but when i am tapering, i sure as hell worry that i´ll not get through this, i think i was completely exhausted, even now i cannot even have a bath without feeling "wired" and my startle response to any noise is ridiculous... i can get a pop up message on my laptop and it makes me jump out of my skin...

 

I KNOW it is withdrawal but i am alcoholic also and maybe that fear is because much of the time this feels like a gradual and painful alcohol detox... i have NO idea how others taper rapidly or make bigger cuts... i don´t know how but i just know i have to get off this as slowly as possible... i have 4mgs to go and i am just praying that come 3 or 2mgs things will start to improve with holds and such... maybe i just made this too much in my mind... i think my own thinking was making things far worse... i just temporarily lost ALL perspective on this...

 

I read Mimi´s blog and do so often... and she has been a real help, for that i am very grateful as i have been utterly terrified at times since i hit 4mgs, i had symptoms throughout my taper, total dread at the start yet i was stronger then, now my nervous system feels really compromised, it is truly bonkers how i feel fine now compared to a week ago... this is one insane ride, i am just grateful i am tapering very slowly as i am hoping and praying that a year from now, even 6 months from now, things will be vastly better and if i taper to zero, i will step off with my mind partially in tact... i have NO idea if a year and a half taper will help me once i am off, i feel as if i am healing slowly (as i feel better in many ways despite the recent wall i hit), surely a long taper eases things towards the end, i sure hope so as if not, i don´t know if i´ll cope after zero... i´m hoping that the extreme stuff will have subsided by then.

 

Great to have the support, i really appreciate it.

 

Oscar