Going for 8 years free from benzos...........

[[Sh...]]

Hi everyone, I used to belong to the Benzo Forum back in 2004 when I came of benzos (Xanax) cold turkey after 9 years of varying doses. A terrible nightmare of a withdrawal, every w/d symptom in the book - cogfog, d/r and d/p like you cannot believe, couldn't breathe properly, body ached, some teeth crumbled, floor moved up and down, hair fell out, it was just an unimaginable nightmare that only fellow-sufferers on the Forum could understand and empathise with.

 

But I pushed forward, day by day, most days only on the thread of hope by those who had gone before me, that things would improve with time. How many days I thought I would go totally mad, things felt worse instead of better, I couldn't breath, I couldn't focus or concentrate, every muscle in my body ached and ached.

 

Fast forward,  in June I will be 8 years off benzos and I can ASSURE you this, things do get better, MUCH MUCH BETTER.  I have achieved many things with a brain I never thought would be able to think again, or be rid of the cogfog.  I have a normal life, I enjoy life, I work, I drive, I study, I laugh, I do all normal things perfectly normally...........

 

So please don't despair, don't give up, BELIEVE this if nothing else, things will improve and you will get your life back. My advice is where possible, take all stress off yourself, if it means not working for a while so you can rest your body and nerves, then do it, or as I did, I took a really "mindless" kind of job where no-one would notice my "cogfogged" thinking, that way I took stress off myself. Be as gentle with yourself as you can. Share your experience with your family, it helps if they can understand what you are going through. Stay AWAY from alcohol, it will only set you back I guarantee you.

 

Life will be GOOD again, not just good, but GREAT. Emotions dulled by benzos return, and we can feel and cry and laugh and feel joy and compassion 100% again. The depression WILL pass and the light will shine again.

 

All the best to you all. There is so much more to my experience I could tell but I am telling you mostly what I needed to hear to get me through, and what actually DID get me through.......

 

Love to you all and hang in there.......its worth it I PROMISE!!

 

[[La...]]

Hi Sheraleee, thank you for posting your recovery its great news to us still struggling to read this, it gives me hope that I too will recover after years of use Ladygrace

[[ch...]]

9 years of Xanax and you CT'd  you deserve an honorary award for this. And a very very long standing ovation. Seriously.

 

Firstly, congratulations on your recovery.

 

After reading from other members and having a much better general understanding of xanax ever since my benzo journey, I can really feel for you in what you say about going through a nightmare of w/d. My own experience with Ativan has been so miniscule in comparison, and it's already broken me down numerous times and has been quite difficult for me. So I really can't imagine how you did it--but so glad that you did!

 

Secondly, thank you for writing words of inspiration and encouragement to us here. Some days I wake up and can't take the rollercoaster that I feel I am in (especially with the long-term insomnia), and it gets me to some really dark and hopeless places in my mind. I try my best to stay positive but it does require more time and effort to get myself there on certain days, to keep holding on to faith. I know I will think back to your post one day when another "dark" moment strikes, and it will most definitely help me to stay on track. Thankyou. 

 

Love and respect to you,

Chantillie

[[Al...]]

Oh, just what I needed to hear! Thank you for posting. I am so glad to hear that you have your life back after such a horrible withdrawal. You words are very inspiring. You are 8 yrs out (2004?), did it take years to heal?

[[ch...]]

Sheralee,

 

Thank you so much for posting this. I am in my second year of w/d after a detox from clonazepam. It's been very difficult as I am sure you know. I needed to see a good story. I would like to know how long it took before you were functional?  Did it take 8 years?  Or did you just get around to offering a success story. Either way it's much appreciated. I was just curious how long it took before you were driving, working, and functioning normally?

 

 

Thanks again for the story. I really appreciate it and I am sure others will too.

 

Chrisw

[[Bi...]]

Sheralee,

 

Thanks for your story. It really raises spirits. I, like others would like to know the same. Did it take you eight years to heal? What Benzo was you on, or was it multiple Benzos?

 

Again, thank you for your story.

 

Billy.

[[we...]]

Thank you so much for posting. Like the others I hope I won't be stuck in this hellhole for 8 years, so spill the beans! Please…

[[Fl...]]

Hi Sheralee,

 

I would like to THANK YOU for posting your story also. I am 17 months out and still struggling to heal. Your story gives me hope that I need to keep fighting this battle. I like everyone else would like to know more of your story. If you come back maybe you could give us some more details.

 

So glad to know that healing happens even if it takes time. It is very encouraging

 

Thanks again,

Rain

[[Ga...]]

Congratulations and thanks for coming back to tell us

[[Se...]]

ohhhh that is music for us I really thank you for that words you cant imagine how good is to hear it

 

Thanks a lot .........

[[sh...]]

Your post has given me a great deal of hope, and I'm sure it will do the same for others.

 

Congratulations! Thank you so much for the post 

[[ka...]]

If its takes 8 years to heal then it is really tough

[[Sh...]]

Hi everyone, I'm so happy my story has given some encouragement.  I want to reply to the question about whether it took me 8 years to reach this point? Bearing in mind I cold-turkeyed, it took about 9 months before I started feeling some improvement, at least physically. At about the one year off mark unbelievable depression hit me, I'd had depression before with my divorce some years before, but nothing could compare to the benzo depression. It was the darkest most scary time of my life, I thought any day I would go over the edge and end it all just so that I could escape the emotional pain. I was in the UK at the time, so I returned home to SA in the hope that being with my family here might help things. I can't say it really did, benzo depression is ruthless, I cried day and night, continuously, I prayed to die in my sleep or for my car to be hit by a truck, terrible thoughts flooded my head all the time. At about 18 months off the depression started to lift. There was a tiny light at the end of the tunnel and it was like manna from heaven. In this time I was working and driving, although again I took a job that didn't demand too much from me.

 

Now this is the amazing part that still confounds me today. I had to get through my attorneys bar exams (I had given up on this with my cogfog head), so I attended the necessary classes, studied and wrote the 4 exams. I passed!! I remind myself of this when I read about CBI (Chronic Brain Impairment) caused by benzo use. I am proof of the power of the brain even through cogfog, d/p, d/r and depression, the brains abilities are not lost. However, to study I had to work around my cogfog head and had to repeat things to myself over and over, use post-its and all other kinds of methods to drum things into my head, however I am certain that I wouldn't have been able to achieve what I did with brain damage. So please, don't panic about that, it was always one of my greatest concerns, but the brain is clearly a fantastic organ capable of remarkable healing and function.

 

I would say after about 2 years off I felt significantly better. However, several times I made the mistake of thinking I was again 100% normal and would drink red wine (love it) when socialising. BIG MISTAKE. This set me back badly every time. I don't know why this was such a hard lesson for me to learn. If I stayed away from alcohol I could feel my healing happen in leaps and bounds. One night on the town and I was almost back to square one. In all liklihood my healing would have been much faster without these self-inflicted setbacks.

And boy, if anyone has done the alcohol thing on benzo w/d you will know the hangover is like a day in hell.......it is really fuel to the fire. Don't do it.

 

Well from there things just got better and better. I do have some residual symptoms however which play up when I am stressed, for e.g. my body aches sometimes (like soreness in the tissue itself), I feel breathless or as if I have difficulty breathing (X-rays show my lungs are 100% fine), I can become easily emotional and quick to anger (I wasn't like that pre-benzos), sometimes feel extreme fatigue. However, compared to what I've suffered in cold-turkey these are minor symptoms that I've learnt to handle. I've also learnt to accept myself with my new emotionality. I do work hard on the anger thing because its a very unattractive trait.

 

I think the fact that I've been away from this forum for so long also says a lot about my healing. For the first two years I clung to the Forum as a lifeline. As you get better though, the need for support and comfort becomes less and less, thats a good sign, although of course its good to remain on the Forum to support others.

 

I said two years before I really felt significant improvement. Hopefully with tapering and/or lower benzo dosages the healing period may be shorter. However, what is most important is that there is improvement and you can regain your life. Maybe even better from the benzo experience. My remaining little benzo pains and discomforts remind me I am a SURVIVOR!! I don't mind.

 

Love to you all.............. 

 

 

 

[[we...]]

thanks for the clarifications, smoooocccchhh.

[[wa...]]

If I could reach you I would give you the biggest  HUG!!! This post has only made my belief stronger  that healing is mainly time related and will happen.

Thank you for confirming that. All the best and go well . Cheers,  Wal

[[ch...]]

Thank you for coming back to clarify that Sheralee. This is truely a great story.

 

 

Chrisw

[[Ho...]]

Thank you for your story Sheralee and for returning to give us all encouragement and hope....you have lifted my spirits and once again I have hope for recovery - I am 18 months and still trying - things are a bit better but still have a ways to go to get my life back.  Thank you so much for your uplifting message.

Hoping2BFree

[[ro...]]

Hey Sheralee,

Thank you for the success post sure helps ,I too am in a dark place@ 22 months out.

Feel like this will never end,the depression is just awful the days seem to last forever.

It helps a great deal to know we can heal at some point and feel alive again.

 

Again Thank You!!!!!!!!

Rondo

[[st...]]

Hi Sheralee,

 

Thank you for posting.  I still have breathing problems after 3 1/2 years and was wondering if you found that you continued to

see improvements with this problem after 3-4 years off?  Your post has helped me immensely.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Patty  xo

[[Ti...]]

Hi Sheralee,

 

I'm wondering, how do you fair with suppliment, OTC medications and perscription medications?

 

Do you have any troubles with anything you take?  Or have any troubles with dental appointments

and novocaine etc.

 

Thank you so much for posting!

 

Tink

[[Sh...]]

Hi Patty, re the breathing problems, this was always my worst w/d symptom and although it improved greatly, it does still bother me a bit, however I have realised it is very much linked to stress. If I am anxious or nervous the breathing problem is much worse. To give me peace of mind that there wasn't some underlying medical reason, I've had lung X-rays and all the breathing tests, all is normal.

 

Strangely I do find that while I can say get through a 45 minutes Zumba class or session on the treadmill, walking up a flight of stairs or up a short incline will make me breathless.

 

I am hoping this symptom will completely disappear one day, but I've become so used to it I don't panic about it anymore and have learnt to "work around" it,  I tell myself its just a feeling, it will pass, and then I relax and the breathing feels a bit easier. Drinking water also helps a lot, strange, but it does. Sugar makes my breathlessness worse.

 

This symptom doesn't seem as common as many others, but I've always thought it to be one of the worst, there was nothing worse to me in W/D than the feeling that I couldn't get a full breath of air. But remember, its just a feeling/sensation. You are getting enough oxygen, so don't panic, it just makes it feel worse.

 

Take care, lots of love.

Sheralee

[[Sh...]]

Hi Tink, re OTC medications etc, I do take the occasional painkiller for menstrual cramps or headache when unbearable, and I find its okay, it doesn't really affect me. I've been prescribed antibiotics on occasion for infection and flu and that was also fine. Cough medicine sometimes would give me palpitations. Dentistry itself was also no problem, just the stress of having to go the dentist.......

 

I think meds will affect everyone differently. My advice would be to avoid it if you can, only take something if you absolutely have to, e.g antibiotic for an infection you can't get rid of any other way.

 

While I was on benzos I popped painkillers like sweets daily for my headaches. After benzos were out my system the headaches magically disappeared, I now only get the odd headache from eye strain.

 

All the best.......

Sheralee

[[Me...]]

Hi Sheralee

I have just read your Success Story - It is especially encouraging to hear of a fellow South African who has Beaten the Benzos.  I wish you continued health and happiness. 

 

love

Me

 

 

 

[[st...]]

Hi Sheralee,

 

I kept looking daily for your post and I so appreciate your input.  Yes, the breathing problem was one of my worst symptoms, too.  It is a horrid feeling not being able to catch a breath or be totally out of breath climbing the stairs.  My breathing would actually stop.  This has gotten much better but it still plagues me many times throughout the day.  I always knew I was getting enough oxygen so I never panicked.  I do believe this may be a symptom that will haunt me for a long time and maybe for the rest of my life.  Let's keep our fingers crossed this will subside for the both of us.

 

Again, thank you so very much for your success story and for helping the members.

 

Patty  xoxoxo

[[Ti...]]

Thank you for answering Sheralee.  Already doing so, to worried to take much of anything. 

 

I was just hoping that at some point 5 or more years from now it wouldn't be a worry.  Makes

me sad that we will forever have effects from this whole things. 

 

Sincerely,

Tink