When Does the Constant Analyzing Stop?

[[mo...]]

Yes, another "When?" question!

 

Does anyone else find as they are going about their day, feeling relatively normal, that in those "normal" times you stop what you are doing and assess how normal you are being? And then you compare it to how you used to be pre-benzo? If I could only stop this obsession of assessing and reassessing every moment of my day, and everything I do, I think I would be way further ahead in this game. All part of it, I am guessing. 

 

Anyone else torturing themselves like this?

[[An...]]

I do this too! All day it and it consumes me. I daydream about how I used to be and feel normal, how I used to sleep and nap. I constantly plan my taper out too, how long it might take, wonder how I will feel.  I am trying to keep busy and it seems to help. I also try to just accept that this is part of my life and try to look forward to my future summer plans, but it definitely is abit of a problem for me too! I just want to feel normal again

[[mo...]]

I do this too! All day it and it consumes me. I daydream about how I used to be and feel normal, how I used to sleep and nap. I constantly plan my taper out too, how long it might take, wonder how I will feel.  I am trying to keep busy and it seems to help. I also try to just accept that this is part of my life and try to look forward to my future summer plans, but it definitely is abit of a problem for me too! I just want to feel normal again

 

Famous last words "I just want to feel normal again"!!!  I think everyone here can relate to that.

Today has been a weird one. Hovering on the edge of anxiety and trying so hard to ignore it. DR has been weird today too. It's frustrating because I am working so hard at living my life, but it's like there is this evil presence in the peripherial of everything I do and it's just itching to steal my joy at every turn. I can feel the "normal" me every single day, but I just can't wait for the day that I can just "BE" and not have these ongoing thoughts and obsessions eating at everything I do.

 

Any survivors out there who can offer tools??? I feel like I should be doing so much better and that I am failing at this challenge. 

[[be...]]

This is such a common thing to do in wd.  Especially if you have DR.    Rest assured that what you are doing is normal.  I used to irritate me to the point that I would yell at myself to stop!  lol

 

I knew that things were changing when I started to having moments when I didnt think about wd or examine how i was feeling.  Soon those times got longer and longer.  Now i only have a few hours in my day that i find myself self examining, usually at night when i have little to distract me and  in my nightly wave.  Nothing compared to before.  I can usually snap myself out of it quickly. 

 

Distraction is the only thing I found that gave me any relief.  My distraction were good reality tv programs, Pimp my ride, walks, talking to friends on the phone, sleeping when i could.  I even recopied all my recipes over to new cards.  I tried many many different things.  I found that things that I had an interest in before that uses my mind and hands worked really well like Cross stitch. 

 

  When it will leave for you I cant say.  Everyone is so different, but what I can tell you with 100% confidence is that it does go away.

[[sh...]]

Has anyone been in a window, but brought out of it by one thought that sets your anxiety off, leading to other withdrawal symptoms? This seems to be happening often, and I feel like it's something I'm doing.

[[mo...]]

Thanks, Believe! I trust your advice. But that's the thing. I AM distracted. I'm at work all day, but the DR follows me like a shadow and at prods me. I hate it!! But here I am giving it so much power and attention. Maybe I should stay away from the forum for a while and just try to live.

I only do this when I'm feeling lousy, like today. I think it was the half glass of wine I drank last night and maybe the B vitamin I took this afternoon with lunch that has ramped up my DR today.

 

Anyhow, thanks again for the input. It's very much appreciated.

[[re...]]

I don't think it's anything to worry about. We're just not well yet, not sure when we'll be well, and constantly looking for signs that we're getting well. I'm sure as you get better, you'll worry less about it, and gradually become less analytical about how you're feeling. You'll begin to take feeling good for granted. This is what we call 'normal'. 

Evan

[[mo...]]

Shaneb, I think you are doing the same thing as me. Ruining those precious "normal" moments with worry. When you are feeling well, you sabatoge it by wondering how long it will last and when the other shoe is going to drop. Like Redvan just said, it's all part of this long, painful process. We just have to believe it will get better in time. If I've learned anything (well, maybe still learning actually) it is patience - a trait I did NOT have pre-benzo craziness. Patience and the fact that this is one aspect of life that I cannot control. Tough lessons indeed.

Hang in there!

[[sh...]]

Shaneb, I think you are doing the same thing as me. Ruining those precious "normal" moments with worry. When you are feeling well, you sabatoge it by wondering how long it will last and when the other shoe is going to drop. Like Redvan just said, it's all part of this long, painful process. We just have to believe it will get better in time. If I've learned anything (well, maybe still learning actually) it is patience - a trait I did NOT have pre-benzo craziness. Patience and the fact that this is one aspect of life that I cannot control. Tough lessons indeed.

Hang in there!

 

You're absolutely correct! Ty for the post.

[[jr...]]

I long for the former "me"

[[WT...]]

I long for the former "me"

 

As do I... as do I...

[[jr...]]

I long for the former "me"

 

As do I... as do I...

 

 

[[re...]]

I long for the former "me"

 

As do I... as do I...

I long for the former y'all too.

[[jr...]]

I long for the former "me"

 

As do I... as do I...

I long for the former y'all too.

 

And a  for you

[[Ho...]]

Oh geez... this is me absolutely! That's all I think about every day, analyzing myself! I can't believe it's still so strong at 9 months.  Showing no sign of stopping. 

[[jr...]]

Oh geez... this is me absolutely! That's all I think about every day, analyzing myself! I can't believe it's still so strong at 9 months.  Showing no sign of stopping. 

 

Dear Holly,

 

I know exactly what you mean.  You and I are about the same time out.  I wonder if anything will ever be the same again. 

 

Love,

 

Jenn

[[an...]]

I too think analyzing and being self-concerned come with the territory.  I hope that when I feel better I can continue to have empathy and compassion for people who are trying to cope with trials!! We know something is wrong and we need to fix it if we can; we are nervous and edgy from the meds and it's alarming.

[[WT...]]

If I get what I call a "Hand of God" window, I can't force any symptoms even if I try.

[[jr...]]

If I get what I call a "Hand of God" window, I can't force any symptoms even if I try.

 

That's so sweet.

[[Me...]]

Benzos are making me crazier than I was before I ever took them.  I read all the warning labels and don't recall reading, "may make you crazier than before you took this drug"

 

My cognition is often so poor... how am I ever going to perform as a health professional when I can't find a word, or keep on top of my appointments.  I've been on disability unrelated to benzo's (benzo was a treatment option) but now the disability is the benzo withdrawal...

 

But then I have Zen moments and I start writing short stories which I find amusing, if not by others... but the cognition is there, the brightness is back, shining again.  I guess that is healing.

 

This will pass too.. perhaps its my last step to a full recovery and a productive career?

[[mo...]]

If I get what I call a "Hand of God" window, I can't force any symptoms even if I try.

 

WTBNA, that seems like a very good sign to me! Good for you!!

 

@Memories, I see you were on Zopliclone too. I haven't seen anyone else on here that took Zop. What a horrible drug! I was only on it for 2 weeks before I started having rebound insomnia, paranoia, & anxiety. I suspected it was the drug, even though the dr's swore it was not, and I quit c/t not realizing how stupid that was. Then I went thru another month of sx before being prescribed ativan. When I look back at how stupid I was it makes me sooo angry!!!

 

[[Me...]]

It wasn't easy getting off Zopliclone but I had the insomnia for a week or two and then I was ok.  I was naive to benzos at that point (naive, as in my body was naive) and I don't think I took them every day until the last week of the four, when the dose was 1.5 to 2 pills a day, when I realized I was taking out a loan that I couldn't pay back, so I stopped them.  I wasn't working and I had supports in place so I could just slep when ever I had the chance and I was on disability by then, so having to go to a job didn't interfere with my getting off them.

 

I started to read about people who were taking 40 pills a day and had to take some during the day to not feel sick, I ended up feeling very glad to be off those benzo like drugs.  In a way that is a bit off topic, but the fact that I was searching the internet for Zopliclone stories reminds me that perhaps I was analysing the situation quite a bit. 

 

The Zopliclone was not the right treament for me, nor the clonazopam.  Actually, I did best just taking and anti-narcelepsy drug Modafinil (Provigil, Alertec) during the day and exercise and then I sleep at night.