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Major Wave


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I think my bottle containing the last .125 mg Ativan water (25ml water) had leaked in travel yesterday and therefore my 4:00 PM dose may have been somewhat less, I think about half.  For 3 hours or so in the evening I had a wave like no other I'd had before, with headache so bad it was like a poisoning, neck and jaw pain, etc.  This wave was far stronger than the s/x I had two weeks ago after 48 hours off the drug, the one that convinced me I was addicted.  At one point I began "rocking," which is new s/x, and which scared the stuff out of me. 


Around 10:00 PM yesterday, in the midst of the wave, I decided I could not wait for the midnight dose.  With shaking hands and pounding head I began to measure and mix a new bottle of solution.  Somehow I DID wait 'till midnight, the wave was lessening, took the dose, and went to bed, where I did sleep on/off and woke worrying about work (I was on the carpet Friday).


I had stopped Prozac 20 mg the Fri. before, after beginning and taking for 19 days.  I realize now I complained about anxiety and depression  to the doc because of I/W from ativan.  From what I have read I should not be getting WD S/x from quitting that dose after only 19 days.  I quit because of severe dehydration, which I've read can be a serious side effect from Prozac.  I did have SSRI discontinuation syndrome a decade of so ago, so I know what that is like.  I have had one lucid dream only, last week, when I dreamt I was in the hospital for WD and was worried about job and my pets.  It was worse than it sounds because my deepest fears are centered around keeping both.  But the last few nights have not been so bad.


I know I'm rambling, but I guess I'm starting to understand that it's not going to be easy or fast for me, and I have to be careful or I will lose everything I've got for sure.  I feel (I am) alone and scared.  The doc says a two-week taper.  Ha!


I just took a Benedryl, have not tried 'till now, but I need to sleep and try to smooth things out at work tomorrow.


Thanks for listening, Bilbo

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hello bilbo (remember there and back again lol)


Im writing because you sound so frightened which i think we all are to varying degrees.  Just remember its the withdrawals and im sure you will keep both you job and your pets.  I am tired its night here in Australia so dont have much to offer but you can read my new blog titled Down but not Out.  I tapered well really not a taper dramatic cut of 45mg of valium down to 2.5 in 18 days can be done and im still alive however totally screwed up haha so not funny.


If you want to chat let me know


good luck

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