Is this ever gonna end?

[[Me...]]

This just feels like forever. I've been suffering now for 2 years when I began the taper, I'm not even half way there yet.

 

It's just getting ridiculous. Everything seems like a chore- having a shower, getting dressed, cutting my nails, brushing my teeth, and I can barely even leave the house.

 

I'm so out of it most of the time, my balance is off, my eyesight all weird, the stiffness, the cramps, the memory loss, the headaches, tripping over all the time, can barely even feed myself, it's so debilitating and I'm struggling like mad. I get pretty angry when people say I should push myself, because it's a reminder of how hard it is to do everyday things and many times I just feel so much worse.

 

How on earth do you know when your gonna heal?

 

It's just seems so never ending, it feels like I'm gonna be like this for the rest of my life. I still have along way to go in the taper, I'm not even half way, this is just crazy and I simply can't cope living this way anymore, it just go on for so long. I just wanna have a social life again, have a job, go out and enjoy life, and just be 'me'. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's frustrating, and I'm hurting. 

 

I'm at the end of my tether, I'm losing hope. 

[[Ga...]]

I feel just like you I am having such a rough day today:(

[[Ti...]]

me too--i hope we all get some encouragement soon.  i haven't even resumed my taper yet--and have gone backwards and am back to where I was in december.  all that w/d for nothing!  Big hugs to all of you!!!!!!!!  we need big time encouragement!!

[[Pa...]]

I'm in th same boat as you guys. My dp/dr hasn't let up since I began my taper and I got hit with a gnarly wave last night which is still going strong this morning.

[[an...]]

i know how u feel,i have alot of the same sx as u do.  I had a very severe acute wd,thats why i am still suffering,u will start getting some wondows.  Love angel

[[Me...]]

Thanks Angel.

 

This is just never ending madness. Can someone please who has recovered jump on this thread and offer us support?

[[Fl...]]

You have been tapering for two years and you aren't even halfway done?

[[Me...]]

No, I did a cold turkey (nearly died) which set me back, so had to go on a high dose just to be able to breath properly. I have to go down really slow cuz I'm really sensitive to each cut made.

 

It sucks. Not getting much 'support' or love in all this. In fact, it's kind of the opposite. I've been a victim of bullying and hate speech, got death threats on facebook cuz people I made friends with got the wrong idea of my situation, and get judged by my friends as 'that guy who was cool but went all weird and doesn't hang out with us anymore.'

 

So...well, I dunno whether it's worth hanging on or not, if you know what I mean.

 

Bit of in the same boat as flea. Feel helpless.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2sdUJ5OIf0

[[Ti...]]

What's with the YouTube video--I just looked at it briefly but it freaked me out.  What is going on with you?  I hope you are OK--go to a hospital immediately if you are having any sort of thoughts.  I don't know what you mean by "it's not worth it" but it is worth it, OK?  I don't know you at all, but you need to take a deep breath.  You will get out of this.  If you have doubts about that, seek medical attention immedately.  Don't watch scary, depressing videos like that!!  I can't imagine the state of mind one must be in to enjoy watching stuff like that!!

[[Me...]]

Thank you for the reply.

 

I'm sorry if it freaked you out, it's just music and video, it's art, it's not reality by any means, and it doesn't freak me out at all. The news is what freaks me out, because it's reality.

 

The song was just to sum up my current feelings at the moment. I'm not one for happy chart music, that actually depresses me even more. It's not the kind of person I am, my taste in arts isn't mainstream whatsoever. I used to write horror novels as a hobby, so I guess it doesn't really phase me because it's just make belief and fairy tales.

 

Once again, sorry if it scared you, I didn't mean for that to happen. 

 

Again, the news, that's frightening. As well as funny looking cats. 

 

I tried to send you a PM, but your inbox is full.

[[re...]]

How long, exactly, is this going to take? When will it end?

I've asked myself that same question many times -

every day, in fact.

It's the uncertainty that gets to you.

If someone could only tell you

This will take exactly nine months

that would be easier to handle.

But no one can say.

It's discouraging sometimes.

But when I get discouraged

I think of people like Christopher Reeves

who never had a time-table,

never had any way of knowing

how much longer -

and never quit.

And there are many others like him,

coming home from war zones, for example,

who never know how far their journey will be

or how long it will take

but only the direction they must go.

We have more strength than we know.

We find it when we need it

and not before.

[[Ti...]]

Redevan--good point about Christopher Reeves.  I once watched a show of a woman who dove in a lake and was also paralyzed and still got married and even had a child--unfortunately the marriage didn't last.  She also got dizzy and almost passed out (another condition) in addition to her paralyzed body so her head had to constantly be lowered in the wheelchair or she would pass out.  When asked how she copes she said something like, "I have no choice but to cope and I am going to go around once."  She also said she loved her son so much and he got her through the day, etc.  Very touching show.  Anyways, people like this have very little hope in recovery and we have much, much more hope!  Great to stay positive right?

 

MessedUp--Ok--I feel better after reading your response.  I thought maybe you were suicidal or something as that video seemed so very dark and horrendous to me.  Hey, but if that's art to you, then I am sorry I passed judgement!!  I am used to watching Disney cartoons with my young children and am the girl next door in many ways so I guess we are just very different people!  Which is obviously just fine--I just wanted to make sure you were OK and not going to do anything crazy.  Used to write horror stories huh?  I've always hated horror stories and especially hate the one I'm living in right now!!  Big hugs and don't get too dark and crazy on me, OK?? 

[[Me...]]

That's a very well written and articulated little poem that. And also very true. If your given an exact deadline on what you know you'll be better, it gives you something to look forward to.

 

It's also inspriring about Christopher Reeves too, and people who fight in a war that they really don't know when will end. That's alot like us, but the enemy we are fighting is the poison in our bodies.

 

Thanks for that. 

 

Tina, it's ok, glad we agree on that. 

 

By the way, did you know that Walt Disney was....it's ok, never mind. 

[[ka...]]

hi messedup how are you doing ive been praying for you all day it brakes my heart to see my benzo friends hurt so bad i have ask JESUS to lift your spirit and give you hope please dont give up i will never stop praying for you GOD BLESS YOU ......KATE7

[[So...]]

Just chiming in here to say you are all in my prayers as you go through this difficult time. I am new to this but have gotten really wonderful support here. I can only hope to try to give some back.

 

A counselor specializing in drug addiction just told me a few days ago to go check out some AA meetings. You can find your local branch on the Internet. I was amazed at how many there were just in and around my neighborhood. He said even though you have a drug related problem, the concept is still the same. Often people know about local support you can get. They are struggling with addiction, recovery and know how hard it is.

 

Just a suggestion for another way to get support at times when you feel really low. Also reach out to family, friends - get the help you need. Be kind to yourself. I know my problem is I'm my own worst enemy  - I judge myself a failure so often. Now I really really try to find that ray of sunshine in my day, no matter how small and concentrate and focus on that. It's hard, but you can do it!