Vomiting and Emotions

[[...]]

So, buddies, here's more information and questions:

 

I, every single day, feel extremely depressed.  I grieve.  I grieve about every thing that I have lost since having started the usage of "Clono" and since trying to get off of it.

 

I don't know how to get out my feelings.  I don't know how to shake the depression or if it is even possible to do so.

 

I know that I am very angry and extremely sad about all that I have lost, (own home, friends, job, relationships with family members, my health, my emotional and physical health).  All of these feelings just remain inside of me.  I don't know how to get them out or to whom to tell them.  If I were to try to share all that I feel with a friend or family member, they would, most likely, tell me that I just have to get over it.

 

The hardest part of being depressed and about grieving is that I know that I need to cry.  I get very tense when I am feeling the anger and sadness and feel like my mind and body are urging me to cry.  I can't cry.

 

If I start to cry, my stomach becomes upset and my back becomes tense and then I vomit.

 

Lately I have felt extremely stressed and for a number of personal reasons.  Lately, I have barely been able to keep food down.

 

What gives, here?  Why does the anxiety convert into unbearable tension and then into feeling like I need to cry and then leading to my vomiting?

 

Has anyone else felt similarly?

 

Thank you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Yowl

 

[[pa...]]

Hi Yow... Oh dear friend, you are in much pain within.  This is where you can do all of what you need to release.  Just start typing and sharing your emotions, and do cry, it is therapudic.  You are safe with all of it with all of us... Hugs, Pattylu

[[...]]

Hi, Pattylu.

 

I felt your care, deeply.  Thank you.

 

Share my emotions here on BB?  I don't think I have the courage to do so.

 

It was hard enough to write what I wrote.

 

I am a very private sort of guy. 

 

Besides, so many people here are like I am.  They are hurting and grieving.

 

I will have to give this some thought.

 

I did let myself cry tonight and was able to do so without vomiting.

 

It feels like I could cry for hours.  I am not kidding.  This fact scares me as I get afraid that I will have a nervous breakdown.

 

I found, by crying, however, that I was facing my grief. More and more of my reasons for being in a grieving mode came to the surface.

 

I don't think I have ever allowed myself to grieve.  I always kept it inside.  I remember seriously grieving one time, a time when a friend of my mind was dying.  I met with him at a restaurant.  He talked and talked about his cancer, his life, his thoughts about his pending death.  I, while driving home, (a four hour trip), cried and sobbed the whole four hours.  The next day, I became ill with a raging fever.  I surely don't want this to happen again.  I am rambling.

 

All I know to say is thank you, Pattylu, for your kind, kind, caring heart.

 

Sincerely,

 

Yowl

[[pa...]]

Hi Yowling, by what you write, you have a heart with depth, a very sensitive person for others, that is truly special in life. Yes dear friend share your emotions, that is what each and every person has struggled with and found they could do it on this site.  Then they found new friends that felt. The same, then support each other.  So, you have a new friend, me!  You can always pm me to keep it private for yourself, so you can open with your feelings, like a flower blooming.  Sn,t that what we are all doing.  Do you know how to pm?  Hugs, Pattylu

 

[[...]]

Thank you, Pattylu.

 

Maybe, one day, I will PM you.  I have PM'd with people, in the past.  Invariably, I drop the ball at some time and discontinue the online relationship.  I do not want to do this again.

 

I have read a few of your posts.  You, dear lady, are a sensitive person, a person of depth.

 

I see that you offer encouragement and support to many here on BB, even though you have, (I believe), recovered.  This speaks highly of you. You continue to come to BB to speak with others when you could be going on with you life.  I respect and admire you for doing so.

 

Thank you for offering to be a friend.  I will think about PM'ing you.

 

I saw that you do not have a "signature".  I would like to learn about your use of a "benzo", your w/d and taper.  Do feel free to PM me.  I will reply, if only for one time. 

 

I am super cautious about what I write as I have seen the type of "going on's" that have occurred here and on the former BW.  I will trust that you understand.

 

Sincerely,

 

Yowl