I remember how clear my mind was before

[[bl...]]

The one thought which uplifts me more than anything, and which is giving me hope today, is that I remember that before I started on Xanax, I had a crystal clear ability to focus on reading for long periods of time.

 

I was a poet and a student back then. It was a long time ago.

 

The day that I first took Xanax, I felt great. But I also felt a little like I had ADD because suddenly, it was hard to focus on my text book -- I recall it vividly, being just a few pages of a history assignment -- and it has been ever since. Even though I went through College, it was really hard to read. I know that's a side effect because before, I had excellent concentration.

 

I want that sense of mental focus back so badly. I need it for work right now. I look forward to getting it back!

 

I also remember that things in general moved me more aesthetically. I haven't lost my emotional senses that I've noticed, but I remember that art used to be so beautiful it could leave me speechless and music too, but for fifteen years, I haven't connected with either. So I stopped writing poetry and painting because it no longer moves me the same way, as if it were something beyond all else.

 

I look forward to having these back too.

 

I look forward to going to an art museum or an orchestra and having my mind blow open. I look forward to seeing something and feeling so overwhelmed by its beauty that I paint it again. That's gone now. But it can come back if I finish this. Also, I will have a good memory and be able to concentrate on my reading without any struggle, losing myself in books.

[[fi...]]

I know exactly what you mean.  I am a bookworm and used to read for hours on end.  Once I got on the Klonopin, however, all eventually became foggy so that I couldn't even read a short chapter.  It frustrated me so much.

 

I am doing a very slow Klonopin taper, but will one day be off of this drug and look forward to reading and playing music again.

 

You can come off of this.  I have seen one person come off of benzos who was on them for 40 years!

 

Sincerely,

 

fg

[[Bi...]]

blueorchidlady,

 

My concentration is a little better than it used to be, so yes you can do this. I still have some concentration problems, but not like I used too.

 

Billy.

[[bl...]]

Thanks billyF and fishingguy... I really appreciate you mentioning about that person who got off the meds after 40 years BTW. That's pretty inspiring and a story which I would honestly love to read or hear more about. At any rate, yeah, I was really trying to think positively and find something. You know? Something to look forward to. This was the one thing I could really think of: my concentration coming back. 

 

I don't quite have the blurry mind that some report. But I definitely feel like my concentration is HORRIBLE. And as a teacher, it gets to me when I grade papers in particular. I just find myself spacing out. I call it "thinking through a brick." No way did I used to be like this!!!

[[fi...]]

I believe your concentration will come back.  I have noticed an improvement in my mind each time I make a cut.  It's amazing....

 

fg