Two years and almost......there !

[[gi...]]

Well, today marks two whole years since I took my last tiny bit of diazepam.  Actually it's been over 3 years since I began this adventure as it took me 14 mos. to taper off of the klonopin/diazepam.  But it is entirely too depressing to think of all this time, so I now only think of the recovery time.  Lets see,  I was on 4 mg. of klonopin put on after the sudden death of my daughter.  I quickly escalated to tolerance and my dosage was up to 4 mg. of klonopin within a year.  I stayed on this dosage for 8 years, and suffered all lkinds of debilitatiing tolerance withdrawl.  The worst being chronic depression.  It changed my personality, my cognitive functions were gone, all kinds of muscular problems, etc.  pretty much tolerance symptoms.  I somehow found the Ashton manual and had my ah haa moment.  Took the Ashton manual to my doctor, and told her I wanted 80 mg. of valium and she looked at me like I was nuts.  Well, she thought that amount of valium would kill me.  I told her it was the equavalent of 4 mg. of klonopin.  She was very surprized when the 80 mg. of valium did not even make me tired.  Guess I had a super high tolerance.  The taper was pretty hellish.  I developed just about every symptom listed and then some that my body manifested on it's own that were not listed.  I thought I was dying many times.  I truly believed Professor Ashton when she stated in her manual that if you slow tapered that you would experience most of the symptoms during or at the end of your taper.  I honestly believed that I would be over this within 6 weeksx of tapering and be back to work etc.  I was wrong.  I won't elaborate anymore, but I was grossly mistaken .  I then thought, ok this might take 6 mos.  Well, 6 mos. came and left and I still was not "healed".  Then I heard maybe 6-18 mos.  ok,  At 12 mos.  I was still not "healed".  My symptoms came in huge waves that lasted months at a time and many times were not symptom free but the symptoms would lessen in intensity and sometimes they would just disappear over night.  I finally gave in and just accepted this for what it is.  It's withdrawl.  You can't control it and obsessing about it and worrying constantly about your symptoms will only make it worse. I realized that time was going to be the only factor in this game.  When 18 mos. arrived I was a mess.  I was really depressed as I had officially hit the protracted zone.  hmmm.  this was not supposed to happen.  Month 18-22 were really rough and I had some very intense symptoms that reemerged and I felt pretty hopeless and the thoughts that this was permanent begain to assail my mind. 

 

Ok, so now I am at month 24, and I am so so much better.  Not 100% healed but am able to live again and be functional.  I will state the things that have gone away for good.  The Depression I suffered for years from has been gone for 2 years now,  no more DP, DR, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, insominia, organic fear, etc.  I am just listing the biggies that everyone seems to struggle with.  I now have only a few symptoms left, mostly clogged ear, tooth nerve pain, salivary gland issues  and some muscular and joint pain.  I actually see all these symptoms slowly changing too in some wierd way.  I am not back to work yet as I want to be sure that the bulk of these horrible symptoms are gone for at least 3 mos before I attempt interviewing and work.  I don't want to start a job and then have to quit. 

 

I am now driving, socializing, traveling and yes even occasionally having some wine.  I have me back again.  My cognitive skills are back, my personality is back,  I am calm, I laugh and I feel peace. I choose to contiunue forward and live with my remaining symptoms with no time expectation any more.  It is what it is and I know it will go away when this withdrawl i s fully over. 

So YES  it is true, we do recover,  so please those who read this don't lose hope.  It might take longer then you want, but it will happen .      Ginia

[[fi...]]

Congratulations!

 

fg

[[Bi...]]

This is so nice to hear, Ginia.  :smitten:

 

I know you have been through the wringer with this! Like you, I was on KLonopin / Valium. I was on Klonopin 6 years, Valium 2 years.

 

Thanks for this!

 

Billy.

[[su...]]

Hello Ginia,

 

http://i1139.photobucket.com/albums/n556/smrmeadow/congratulations-1.gif I am so proud of you. Thank you for writing so much about your journey and the successes you are experiencing. You are an inspiration to me.

 

You have your life back now and that is great. I am so happy for you. I look forward to joining you one day. Thank you for encouraging those of us to not loose hope. How thoughtful and kind of you.

 

Here's to continued healing,

Summer

[[Wh...]]

Thank you for sharing some of your story Ginia and what's happening now.  Sounds like you really went thru hell for the last many years and now things are resolving.  Thank heavens and congratulations for taking control over what this drug was doing to your well-being.  So glad that it's back and just a few more improvements to come. 

[[le...]]

I'm so happy to read that your sense of self has returned and most of all that you are experiencing calm and peace. What a wonderful story of hope. Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

Leslie

[[Be...]]

Amazing. I am so, so glad I only took Ativan for about 45 days. Day 26 off of it. Sxs are manageable.

 

 

Congrats on your success.

 

BB

[[Ma...]]

Ginia...

    Congradulations on your recovery! I'am nearly 16 months off klonpin, I took them for 20 years, did a slow taper. I have been  feeling pretty good so far, but now I have hit a wall again! I related to your story, when you said you were hit hard at 15-18 months. Wow...it's discouraging, especially after having a really long window. The negative thoughts come in like a flood! I'am hoping I feel this way because I started taking suppliments again, which I am now stopping! They have reved up syx's before, I though i was well enough to take them again. IDK...but I certainly don't feel good at all!  What do you think, thanks for your encouraging post!

Mary

[[Ga...]]

wow, ginia, so happy for you! thanks for letting us know, it is encouraging

 

http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/congratulations/congratulations58.gif

[[gi...]]

Hi,

Thanks for the responses.  I was trying to encourage everyone to keep on going and that yes it does happen and we do get better.

 

Mary,  I had a hard time with supplements.  I recently tried some vitamin D and had some issues with it.  I think for now until my system is fully free of withdrawl I will just stick with trying to have a healthy diet, lots of water and some exercise.  Try not to lose hope.  Often times it is not really us doing anything wrong or right in this process but merely a fact that this benzo withdrawl has a mind of it's own.  That's what is so frustrating about it.  We have a window for awhile and then wham it comes back to visit for a long time and we forget what it was like to even have a window.  It's interesting though because I now tend to not be able to recall just how bad it was at my worst.  Actually that is pretty good news.    Hang in there Dear, hoping that the next couple of months will find you much better ! Ginia

[[Re...]]

Thanks for posting this Ginia. You are one of my heroes.

 

  :yippee:

Love

Pam

[[li...]]

Thank You Ginia also for posting.  Congratulations!  What an accomplishment! Linder xo

[[Co...]]

Hi Ginia, Im so happy you posted this. You are an inspiration to me too. I cant tell you how much you mean to me. I appreciate how supportive and kind youve always been to me. Youve had so many challenges in your life...and you have met them head on. I am rooting for you and hope your remaining sx leave sometime very soon. Congratulations for being benzo free 2 years , Love you, Colleen

[[Li...]]

Congratulations Ginia!

 

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z414/Lilyagain/Smileys%20from%20Annie/clap1.gif Bravo for you to be off for two years now and still moving forward in healing!  I am so happy that so many of the symptoms are gone and will be thrilled when you can say they all are!

 

Thank you for being such a sweet encouragement to me when I first joined BB in Sept. 2010 and hadn't even started my taper yet.  I appreciated your support then even as I now appreciate you sharing your journey with us.

 

Blessings,

Lily

[[St...]]

Fantastic Ginia! I'm happy for you, I know you struggled with a lot of symptoms for a long time, you deserve this break. A great story of hope, thanks so much for your help around here too, you give a lot of hope to so many others.

 

Fantastic Ginia, congratulations!

[[Mt...]]

Ginia, Im so so happy that your finally experiencing this Victory! Cheers to your Life, to your Renewed Health and to your Happiness! its much deserved. You are like an athlete who knows she is really close to winning the race! All the best to you!

 

mtnhigh

 

[[gi...]]

Thanks, Star, Linder, pam, lilly,  Mtn, Gardenia, mary, mtnman and  you dear Colleen.  Thanks for listening to me vent so often Colleen it helped alot to comisserate our struggles, but it was great to be able to laugh at life at the same time.  I am still planning my post benzo recovery Carribbean island trip to celebrate.  te hee . 

[[jo...]]

Ginia

I am so happy for you! 

 

Having yourself back is a wonderful feeling. I have been feeling a bit like my old self now at only 7 months off and it is such a wonderful thing.

 

A cruise is, what a great present to yourself.

 

Enjoy being back in life

Josephine

[[Fl...]]

Congratulations Ginia,

 

I just wanted to THANK YOU for sharing your story of hope. We all need to hear that healing can and does happen. I am almost 17 months out and still fighting the benzo battle but reading your story gives me hope.

 

I wish you continued healing and much happiness.

 

Rain