Anxiety, I need advice, please

[[su...]]

We moved to a new area last spring when I was in the midst of still using Ativan but was  having interdose W/D and lots of symptoms.  My anxiety was getting worse between doses...I was having trouble leaving the house...felt off-balance at times, or just had full-fledged panic attacks, which started, BTW, after I started taking Ativan, initially for a problem with my inner ear.      Over the spring and summer I became more agoraphobic. 

 

Husband works, so I am home alone most of the time.  When I was still on Ativan, I could take a dose and manage to go out to dinner with him, or even to the beach, or attend a 12-step meeting where I made some acquaintances, and met one person who I consider a friend.  (This feeling of anxiety with people, feeling off-balance, started after I started taking Ativan and only progressively got worse as time went by.)  That's about it.  New area, no friends, stuck in my house.  Can't believe this.

 

I'm now on day 12, I think, off the Ativan C/T.  At night, I think:  OK, tomorrow I will go to the store.  Tomorrow comes, and I wake up and still feel the physical symptoms, my anxiety gets worse,  and I think, how in the world can I ever brave the horrendous traffic on the roads, let alone the crowds/lines in the local supermarket.  I actually get wobbly walking up and down the aisles.  So I stay home.  I even get sort of anxious/wobbly walking to the mailbox.  I want to take my dog out for a walk, and that scares me.

 

Since Feb 14th, I managed to go alone to the grocery  store once, and drive to a local veggie market twice.  The only people interaction I have is with my husband, or occasionally, on the phone with the 1 friend I have.  Now, even the thought of going to the 12-step meetings sends me reeling, and after having attended them for over 16 years, I know that's not a good thing.  The last thing I want to do now is relapse on alcohol, although I have no desire to drink.

 

I don't know what to do and feel sad, mad, ashamed, and hopeless.

[[fi...]]

I know what you're going through.  I have been "homebound" for several years and am still on Klonopin.  I am currently holding at 1.75 mg. until my body is stable enough for me to make another cut.

 

I haven't walked to the mailbox in several years and have had to have my parents bathe me!

 

At any rate, hang in there. Thank God you are off of the benzos and you can look forward to healing.  You are really early out, so I wouldn't be too concerned about your issues now (although I know they are a pain).

 

Nonetheless, I hope things continue to improve for you.  (And congratulations on being off!)

 

Wishing you well ...

[[sp...]]

Did you just say you're on day 12 cold turkey??

 

I tried cold turkey before.  I couldn't move.  Always anxious. everything made my stomach go into full fledged knots.  It's called sensory overstimulation and is because of the benzo w/d.

 

I'm now tapering it. 

[[RM...]]

sunnyside,  i struggle with the same things, been in the house alotttt,  try to get out just lil bit a day, remember its all in your mind, you must look in your heart, try to find LOVE in everythin you see... i take baby steps, ill take the dog around the block, lookin at the plants and trees, feelin the fresh air, come back home..its a step.

 

Also deep breathing, Meditation gets your mind off what your thinking about

 

Streching ,exercise,  Yoga - once your get your body moving you feel better

 

Listin to claming music - look up the Healing Tones... google or youtube

 

---Solfeggio Frequencies ---

 

f.e.a.r. false evidence appearing real

 

Stay Strong

Peace Love and Light

[[jo...]]

 

 

First I want to say don't panic! You are still very early in being off the ativan. And going ct is harder than tapering. It isn't recommended going ct. Tapering over a long period is the safer way to go. There is a reason for this. There are dangers associated with the wd from benzos and I would recommend having a doctor oversee your wd and to speak with your doctor about reinstating the ativan and beginning a slow taper.

 

Read on this site about tapering schedules, read the Ashton Manual.

Here is the link to the Ashton Manual.

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm

 

Here is the link to Benzo. org 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/index.htm

 

Recovery Road is a very good site for information and support. Bliss Johns has written a book called Benzo Wise, this book helped me through this. Here is the site.

http://recovery-road.org/

 

We kept a daily log tracking the dosage of the benzo and other meds and how many times a day I took it. I kept to a regular dosing schedule, begining with every 4 hours. We also kept a log of my s/x, the severity and what we did to help alleviate them, what worked and what didn't, and kept in contact with my doctor and paharmacist. I tried to stay calm, in a relaxing enviroment, kept stimuli to a minimum.

 

I took 5 months, having three tapers and this was too fast. I began on very high doses of klonopin and lorazapam, tapered off using the klopnopin. My wd was brutal, had some of the worse sx there are and I wish I had taken longer to taper. 

 

Don't push yourself physicaly, take care of yourself. Try to eat right, stay away from sugars and caffein, don't over stimulate your system, keep up on fluids. Get plenty of rest and sleep if you can. Try to keep stress to a minumin. If you can, find someone to do your shopping and errands for you. Keep to lite exercise only. Walking the dog is good but don't push yourself, this can over stimulate your body and possibly make sx worse.

 

Like I said, read the Ashton Manual, talk to your doctor, and try to begin a slow taper. This takes time and there is no quick fix. Set realistic goals for yourself. Remember you are not alone in this and if it helps you to lean on members here than do so. We have all been through this and are here to help you.

 

This isn't in your head, your not crazy. In time you will heal.

 

If I can help, you need to talk feel free to private message me.

Hang in there! you will get through this.

Josephine

[[jo...]]

sunnyside,  i struggle with the same things, been in the house alotttt,  try to get out just lil bit a day, remember its all in your mind, you must look in your heart, try to find LOVE in everythin you see... i take baby steps, ill take the dog around the block, lookin at the plants and trees, feelin the fresh air, come back home..its a step.

 

 

---Solfeggio Frequencies ---

 

I think saying this is all in your head is one of the worse things a person can say to someone going through wd. Honestly it makes me really angry that someone would say this to someone in active wd.

It isn't in your head. WD is physical. Your body is withdrawing from a substance and the s/x are very real. Seizures, vomiting, hair loss, intense anxiety, shaking, tremors and other sx are not in your head!

[[su...]]

Josaphine, I did go to a physician, a psychiatrist, actually.  For over a year I have been trying to figure out what the heck in happening to me....had been to my old GP, another doc who prescribes my bioidentical homones, and a new doc in our new state.  They all said I have anxiety and to take more Ativan.  Not one of them recognized W/D symptoms I was having, expecially rebound anxiety.

 

Long story short, I had kept a journal since October 2010 listing all meds, symptoms, even what I ate that day trying to see a pattern, etc.  I'm an R.N. and started doing more research on the computer, found this site, read about W/D, read some of the posts here, saw myself being described over and over and finally had that OMG moment when I realized what my problem had been for so long.  Felt like a total idiot I didn't see it sooner....but in the middle of daily W/D, mind just wasn't working, I guess.

 

So, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist here in new city and he said No Way could I be in withdrawal...just go ahead and stop the Ativan.  He also contradicted himself because we talked about benzos in general and he said, basically, most people on Ativan are always in W/D because of the short 1/2 life.... I was only using 0.125 mg (1/4th of a 0.5mg tablet) 2 x day...and he said, 'You can't cut them up any smaller....just stop."  No talk of switching to something else with longer half-life...nothing.  He also wanted me to stop the antianxiety med I had been taking the past 16 years that worked absolutely fine until I started the Ativan,  and start Cymbalta. He said the tingling I have is from anxiety..also the chest tightness, dizziness, tight muscles,  on and on. 

 

I'm not going back to him, and I also am not going to stop the med that controlled my anxiety for the past 16 years.  And, I must say, since I have stopped the Ativan, slowly, the tingling is better, as well as all of the other stuff.  I haven't had a full-fledged panic attack since the day I quit taking the Ativan.  Probably the lights in the stores and other stimuli are still a bit much for me....I now think, after reading posts, this will also pass.  This site/forum has probably saved my bacon.  Tomorrow will be day 14 for me.  I'm in it for healing. Thanks so much for your help.....

[[fi...]]

Glad to hear you're doing better, sunnyside.  I saw so many doctors for about a year trying to find out what was wrong with me, and no one could come up with an answer.  I finally discovered it was the benzos (i.e., Klonopin).  Thank God for this website as well.

 

Wishing you well ...

 

fg

[[...]]

After I'd been off benzos like 7 weeks, I was worse than ever. I met with my psychiatrist. She urged me to consider that I might have an 18 month symptomatic withdrawal.  Luckily in two weeks my symptoms dissipated.

 

This is a long process. Give yourself lots of permission to not do things that overwhelm you. Try to measure your progress not from day to day but from week to week.

 

You're on the right course of getting totally clean and sober not to mention well again. Personally, I am not an alcoholic but I found 12 step meetings made me feel good. But whatever works or doesn't work for you has to be honored.

 

Also, from my personal experience, NSAIDs can antagonize GABA receptors. My withdrawal was compounded by my use of NSAIDs, and it was dropping the NSAIDs that made my withdrawal finally stop.

 

I put up affirming messages around my house -- on my mirror, above the toilet paper, etc. The main message I needed reminding of was, "this is only temporary."

[[fi...]]

Good info, yram.  Thanks.

 

fg

[[so...]]

Hi sunnyside,

 

I can relate to many things you said in your original post. I am close to being benzo-free and, just like you, spend a lot of time alone in the house (my husband also works while I stay at home at the moment), and don't feel very comfortable being outside. I only go out if accompanied by someone else, with the only exceptions being getting my mail and taking out the trash to the dumpster in front of my building. If I'm at the grocery store, I can get pretty dizzy, feel disoriented, and sometimes panicky to the point where I have to get out of there immediately. I used to rely on Ativan for all these things: it took away all the uncomfortable sensations. Now I don't have a pill to "rely" on, so I have to find other ways to cope.

 

One thing that works for me sometimes is distracting myself while trying to perform a task that is uncomfortable for me. If I want to go check my mail but I feel dizzy or out of it, I'll try to do something else while going there (for example, I'll call someone on the phone as I walk out of my house, or I'll check my email on my phone. In general I find that having my phone with me at these times helps a lot). I will just try to keep my mind occupied for the minute that I need to be out of my house.

 

As for the time I spend in the house, I try not to view it as a bad thing. I try to think that this gives me the opportunity to spend more time with myself, discover new enjoyable things, work on creating a new "me" that is going to be benzo-free When I can, I do at home workouts, listen to meditation recordings, listen to my favorite music, play fun games, etc. I think being patient and not asking too much of yourself while you are healing can help a lot.

 

I can only imagine how I'm going to be after quitting Diazepam completely. All I can say is that the above works for me right now; we'll see what happens down the road. Take good care. I think you are doing a great job with everything.