New and looking for some advice...

[[mc...]]

Hello. I will try to keep this from being too long. I have been on benzo's here and there for several years, but only like a pill here and there a couple times a year.  Last February I got really sick and they couldn't figure out what was going on and during the course of it, they put me on ativan to combat the anxiety that I was getting because I was scared from what I was going through. A few months into it, my illness got better and I decided to stop taking the benzo's, or atleast only take them prn . I was taking 1mg a couple times a week for the first month or 2, then I went down to .5mg a couple times a week, then for the past 4 months or so, I was down to .25 (1/4 of a 1mg pill) and I was really only taking it here and there...sometimes 3 times a week, sometimes once or not at all a week. There really was no pattern to when I would take it. The reason I kept taking it was because I started having these "episodes" that would come on. I would get super anxious (panic attacks for the first time in my life), I would get internal tremors, nausea, SOOO out of it, severe fatigue...just all over feeling horrible...so as soon as I felt one of these episodes coming on, I popped a pill. During all this, I went to several Dr's and specialists trying to figure out what these episodes were and thinking it was something to do with my illness last February. After 5 visits to the ER, a MRI, Cat scan, stress test, nuclear stress test, and a ton of blood work, doctors could never find anything. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago when I started wondering if my ativan could be at the heart of all this. Needless to say, what I have found online and on these boards shocked me and although I can't say with absolute certainty, I really feel that it may have been the ativan all a long making me ill. Sooo, I decided that the next logical thing was go stop taking it and then of course I would get my answer. Well, I didn't read much into titrating until after I had stopped, so this is where I am with it. I took my last dose, .25mg 10 days ago. I have actually been feeling pretty decent with the exception of Monday and Tuesday (its Friday) and now tonight has been a pretty bad night. I am nervous that I shouldn't have quit cold turkey and wondering if I should take what I guess would/could be half of the .025 dose, or if I should just try to keep going cold turkey since I have made it this far. My symptoms were severe earlier and I was scared...still am, but I cant seem to figure if it will be in my best interst to take a titrated dose or just stick it out. My life has been a living hell this past year, I had to quit my job and my children are starting to resent the strain I have put on my family. I know if it is the ativan I most likely have a long road ahead of me, but I am excited/hopeful that I may have actually found an answer to my episodes and that it is treatable. You all will be seeing me around a lot I am sure as I go through this journey and will be looking for support. I can not stress how happy I am that I found this board and I appreciate any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions

 

Kelly

[[Pa...]]

I'm no expert but from what I read it sounds as though you have fair reason to be suspicious of the Ativan. I'm sure some more knowledgable individuals will be along shortly to answer your questions. Take a deep breath and relax, you're going to be A-ok. Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

[[fi...]]

I haven't been on Ativan, but I went through similar issues and went from doctor to doctor while on Klonopin.  I have been to the ER 14 times in the last 5-6 years.  I now know that Klonopin was causing many of those issues.  I also saw several neurologists, but nothing could be found.

 

I am now tapering at a slow rate (actually holding at 1.75 mg. at the moment) until I'm off of the Klonopin. 

 

At any rate, perhaps some of those who have actually taken Ativan can jump in here and share their thoughts.

 

Wishing you well ...

[[mc...]]

Thank you guys. I am really holding out hope that this is what it is. Insomnia is setting in which is hard to deal with because it raises my anxiety, but I have been using my cognitive therapy techniques my physc has been working with me on and it really does make all the difference in the world. I didn't get much of a response as far as if I should taper or continue with c/t, so I guess I will try to stick it out c/t...headaches are pretty bad, fatigue it horrible, anxiety is heightened, all over I don't feel good, but I have haven't for almost a year now so it is nothing new and this is all stuff I can get through. Of course last night when I was feeling bad I wasn't feeling so hopeful/strong, but today is a new day and I am hoping for the best! Thanks again!

[[fi...]]

I hope things improve for you mckay.

 

fg

[[re...]]

Hi mckay,

Your story sounds somewhat similar to my own. Ativan made me very sick. I was in the er countless times over the course of five months and checked into the hospital several times. Every time I was pumped full of more ativan. I saw over a dozen doctors and nobody could figure out what was wrong with me. When I found the original benzo forum I was on I literally cried. It explained everything that had been happening to me. I stopped the drugs cold turkey about two weeks before I found the boards. I didn't go back on, but some people suggested I should taper. I don't think I could have handled it. I waited it out and that was the best thing for me. Everybody's different though and you have been on the drugs longer than I was. I don't know what to tell you about waiting versus tapering. It does sound like your problems could be related to the drugs. I think there are a lot of people out there with undiagnosed problems from these drugs. Months after I got better an er doctor actually called me to find out if I ever figured out what was wrong. I had been in the er so many times they all knew me. When I told him it was the ativan he seemed to believe me. I actually think they see this more often than they realize and don't know what it is. Hopefully he'll pass this information on to other patients in the future.

 

I do think you'll heal whatever route you decide to go. I have made a full recovery. It was a horrific ride, but I can honestly say I have no symptoms left. Good luck!

[[we...]]

Congratulations on being off the drugs. I assure you that if you were in cold turkey, you would know it. I couldn't read for months. If you are functional and are only having a few symptoms here and there every other day, you are a lucky one. Insomnia sucks, but going back on the drugs is not going to solve that problem. CBT is the way to go, a little sleep anxiety will give you the opportunity to learn some coping skills. I wish I would have learn, it's a clear case of do what I say don't do what I do. Lorazepam is nasty nasty nasty. If you must absolutely sleep, consider antihistamines. Don't take them every night. Your sleep will return, time and patience.