HI. Am in trouble here? Withdrawal from intermittent use?

[[ki...]]

Since May off and on i have been using benzos for a few days here and a few days there as needed. I have been battling with crippling anxiety and stress with various issues in my life attempting to cope with rather intense studies. I realised how they creep up on you becoming ones primary means of dealing with anxiety. After reading horror stories regarding benzo dependence i've decided to stop all together before it becomes an everyday thing. I have been experiencing various symptoms and i am not sure whether or not i can attribute them to the benzos. I developed tinnitus in August seemingly spontaneously. This was also the first month i started Lorazepam. In the last couple of weeks i have been experiencing fasiculations at a much greater rate than usual, stiffness in my feet and legs, crippling anxiety, pressure in my head. I must note that i experienced fasiculations long before i touched a benzo albeit not to this extent. 

 

Here's a log of my Benzo use since May. If anyone could give me an indication of whether or not my pattern of useage could or couldn't lead to problems upon permanent cessation of use it would be much appreciated.

 

5 Mg Diazepam daily, 11th May to 31st May, 20 days.

 

No more Benzo's taken until August when Lorazepam was prescribed on an as needed basis.

 

Friday 12th August - 1.5 mg

Sunday 14th August - 2.5 mg.      - 4 days in Aug

Sunday 21st August - 2.0 mg.   

Sunday 28th August - 0.5 mg.

 

Thursday 1st September - 0.5 mg.

Sunday 4th september - 1.0 mg

Monday 5th Septemember - 0.5 mg    - 5 days in Sep

Tuesday 6th September - 2.0 mg.

 

Tuesday 4th October - 1.5 mg

Friday 7th October - 1.5 mg

Tuesday 11th October - 1.0        - 5 Days in Oct

Thursday 13th October - 0.5 mg

Friday 14th October - 1.0 mg

 

Tuesday 1st November - 0.5 mg

Tuesday 15th November - 1.0 mg.    - 5 days in Nov

Thursday 17th November - 0.5 mg

Sunday 20th November - 0.5 mg

Wednesday 23rd November - 0.5 mg

Saturday 26th November - 1.0 mg.

 

Wednesday 14th December - 1.5 mg

Thursday 15th December - 1. mg.      - 5 days in Dec

Friday 16th December - 1.5 mg.         

Saturday 17th December - 0.5 mg.

 

Wednesday 25th January - 1.0 mg

Friday 27th January - 0.5 mg

Saturday 29th January - 1.0 mg.      - 4 Days in Jan

Sunday 30th January - 1.0 mg.

 

Saturday 18th Feburary - 2.5 mg.  - 1 day in Feb

 

[[Pr...]]

Hi kiwiboy,

 

Welcome to BB! We do have some members who developed physical dependency while taking benzos on an as needed basis. To say for sure based on your usage pattern is not possible, but you may be experiencing interdose withdrawal due to the intermittent usage. It seems as though the days you used benzos were grouped together, meaning you were taking them often during a certain portion of the month which would lend itself to dependency moreso than if the doses were further apart. This is just a supposition on my part. As I said I doubt there is any way to tell for sure. Also, benzos can cause new sxs and also exacerbate old ones which could be an explanation for your worsening anxiety, fasciculations etc.

 

It *might* be time to stop the benzos for good and see how things progress. Hopefully they will improve.

 

-P-

[[ki...]]

Wow thanks for the quick reply. Yeah i can't recall experiencing any kind of real withdrawal, except for like a next day rebound, until my stint of 4 days in a row in january. Prior to that my anxiety was actually relatively good. However after that stint it increased significantly. Then i didn't touch a benzo again for 2-3 weeks when i had what would be my last dose on the 18th of february. After that last dose the anxiety and fasiculations increased even more drastically.

 

So essentially i've been fine right up to the end of January. Im wondering if my pattern of useage finally pushed me over a threshold of sorts into some form of dependency. If my benzo useage has infact induced some kind of receptor alteration, dependence etc. What do i do about it? I know people often initiate some kind of planned taper but it's hard to see how that would apply in this scenario of intermittent use.

 

I must note that it's been a week since my last dose and i haven't had any sleep issues. I've had anxiety and tension issues but i sleep for 6-8 hours fine and thats the norm for me.

[[Pr...]]

You're right, normally people stabilize their dosage to a set amount daily and then taper from there. But I can't see what sense that would make in your case. So if it were me, I'd just stop. If you continue dosing every now and again, you might even reach the point where your physical dependency causes you to have a seizure etc when you go without. So does that mean you're benzo-free as of Feb 18th??? If so, then congratulations!!

[[ki...]]

I wont ever take benzo's again thats for sure. I'm just pretty worried about whats happening, whether these are actual withdrawals, if so how long will they last for someone whom's benzo usage has been relatively mild, intermittent, with significant periods of abstinence from month to month? This muscle tension, restlnessness, and overall high level of discomfort is really frustrating and feels like it will be here forever. Atleast i can sleep without any issue.

[[Pr...]]

I have a motto I use on myself. If it started (or worsened) while on benzos, it's probably bc of the benzos. It seems simple, but for some reason we are all tempted to believe that our current state will last forever.

 

Sleep is the most important thing. It will allow your body some good healing time. Unfortunately I can't answer your question about how long this will last. Some people who have used benzos long-term have short recovery periods. Others who used them short-term have long recoveries. And vice versa.

 

But bear in mind that even during your recovery you can lead a full life. I've had more than my fair share of good days during recovery, and even during my taper. Days where I laughed and had fun. I work full time, I'm active at church etc. Your sxs will most likely dip in intensity soon. It could be that you're experiencing an acute withdrawal, and that usually lasts a few weeks.

[[Bi...]]

If you would like to add a signature:

Signature 

[[ki...]]

Is there a such thing as a mild withdrawal that lasts a few weeks and isn't that severe.

 

Im in discomfort and scared but i can talk to people and force interaction and get things done. This doesn't seem like the descriptions of benzo withdrawal i've heard where people are feel like they are thrust into hell. I just am in physical dismcofort and feel crappy and edgy. If this is infact a mild withdrawal without the severity others encounter would it be reasonable to assume i would be in for a lesser duration also?

 

Wish my doctor could help me out here instead of insisting that withdrawal from lorazepam can only happen after long term usage on a high dose. Something that contradicts the literature i've read in recent days.

[[JO...]]

Kiwi,

I would take the others advice on never taking another benzo again. it kind of is what it is at this point. In my opinion you may have dodge a very unpleasant withdrawal. While you may experience some symptoms in time they should diminish and pass. No one can ever predict how long it may take. You have a lot of things working in your favor so hang in there.

[[ki...]]

yeah i definately wont take anymore. No way. I cant even begin to imagine what a full blown withdrawal others endure is like. I hope this only lasts a month or so.

[[JO...]]

No two experiences are the same so you can't really compare to anyone elses. Just be thankful like I said you are done with this drug and let the healing begin. i wish you well .

[[an...]]

It's good for me to read about how you feel, It's sad to fear WD after a small amount of intermittent use. That's my daughters circumstance, and after watching me suffering she is already very nervous about when and how to quit. Please share again, hope you feel well soon!!

[[...]]

I agree that you for some reason developed a dependency. I think it's probably a genetic thing how we each respond to benzos (and how easily we become addicted).

 

As to what symptoms are withdrawal related or something else, the safest bet is to consider them all withdrawal related. As you go through this process you will find ways to cope or remedy each one. And, believe or not, some day you will be fully recovered and feel better than ever!

[[ki...]]

I relapsed including the consumption of alcohol. So upset....

 

Sunday the 1st of April - Lots of Alcohol

Monday the 2nd Of April - Lots of Alcohol

Thursday the 5th of April - 1.0 mg Lorazepam

Friday the 6th of April - 0.5 mg Lorazepam

Saturday 7th April - Lots of Alcohol

Sunday 8th April - Lots of Alcohol

Monday the 9th of April - Lots of Alcohol

Friday the 13th of April - 1.0 of Lorazepam.

 

I had 6 weeks clean. I then messed up with 8 days of doing the wrong thing over a period of 2 weeks. I feel awful and really disorientated right now. How much damage will a relapse like this do. Feel so stupid.

 

edited to remove profanity

 

 

[[ki...]]

Sorry for the profanity that slipped. Didn't even realise. Reading over this thread i realise how stupid i look for saying i'll never touch the stuff again. Amazing how terrible things can happen and you can convince yourself it's been a long time now (only 6 weeks) it's okay just have a little bit. Im so shocked i did it.

[[bl...]]

Just remember, that's a very small dose of Lorazepam over a long while. Have you considered whether you're struggling with alcohol withdrawal though? It does sound like you're drinking an awful lot?

[[ki...]]

No no alcohol withdrawals. Im usually not a drinker. I just had a couple of big stints. Not like me i just really let go. Im just hoping that i havent prolonged everything even longer.

[[an...]]

hi kiwiboy,

are you stopping alcohol for the purpose of helping you heal from benzo use?

~stasia

[[Ch...]]

Is there a such thing as a mild withdrawal that lasts a few weeks and isn't that severe.

 

Im in discomfort and scared but i can talk to people and force interaction and get things done. This doesn't seem like the descriptions of benzo withdrawal i've heard where people are feel like they are thrust into hell. I just am in physical dismcofort and feel crappy and edgy.

Absolutely, yes.  This is exactly how I felt. 

Challishttp://i358.photobucket.com/albums/oo29/pigletmph/zadiffgrouphug.gif

[[Ch...]]

Kiwiboy~~

 

Alcohol and benzos both inhibit (and temporarily damage) the GABA receptors~~you want to abstain from both to start healing.  Maybe you'd want to think about throwing away your leftover meds to avoid temptation.  Just a thought...

 

Don't beat yourself up...what's done is history and today is a new day.  We live and we learn, right?

 

Challis