Am I healing or....

[[da...]]

Am I healing or have I just come to a point where I'm sick to death of wallowing in the symptoms and move forward anyway?  Last year at this time I was agorophobic...didn't drive...couldn't go out in public and just sat in a chair for most of the day.  I finally couldn't take the nothingness of my life and started to get out in the world.  But not without symptoms.  I just slogged through the things 'normal' people did...suffered afterwards but was determined to do things just the same.

 

I am now 6 months benzo free and still suffer from so many physical symptoms.  My husband keeps telling me how much better I am as I listen to him telling me this with burning/stinging eyes...my heart flipping all over the place...my skin on fire...my brains feeling like they are oozing out of my ears...I still feel like crap.  Still can't talk on the phone without my ears screaming.  Still have to stand in front of the shower stall and coax myself in.  But I'm not stagnant anymore...just blowing off  symptoms that once held me hostage.  Or that's how I perceive it.  I have actually started telling myself that I don't care if I drop dead...I'm not spending the rest of my life (I'm 66 years old)sitting in a chair staring into space.

 

Is this really healing?  Really?

 

Thank you all

 

Donna

 

 

 

 

[[Ga...]]

wow, Donna I am so impressed that you do so much!

 

Alot here were surprised I cooked so much, baked, etc and mowed my yard bt even tho Ive let things slack off (Im the type to paint whole house, etc) theres just some things I have to do.

At our age (im 56) we dont have alot of time to lay around waiting. I want to do more now! I am used tomy symptoms, the getting out and doing it is what I have to get over.

Im thinking most of us can get out, theres even people on here who WORK. I cant imagine but they do it. I admire them.

Keep on getting out, it is probably better for you mentally.

[[Fl...]]

At one point I was completely resolved to being ok with death. Never thought I would say that, but when I was at the bottom I was perfectly ok with the idea.

 

Fortunately I made it thought and things are completely different today. It sounds like you aren't quite over the hump yet. The good thing is that you HAVE made progress. I know it's hard to look at the bright side when you are still suffering but try to focus on whatever progress you have made. That's really the only thing you can do. Time feels like it stands still when you are in agony but it does pass and eventually that passage of time will usher in more positive change.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

[[...]]

((((damaged)))) I wonder the same...how much is real healing of receptors vs. how much we heal as we force ourselves to do things even when we do not feel like doing them...I wonder if healing is really a combination of both, receptors healing plus new neuronal connections forming...

 

FG, your words resonated a lot with me...I feel like I've hit rock bottom and don't know how to keep living...but like you said, things have gotten better...for me too, actually, some symptoms are almost gone, but my worse ones seem much stronger than ever...I need to find that corner that everybody talks about and FAST!

[[li...]]

You are healing Donna.  6 months is early in the healing.  Floridaguy gave you good advice.  Focus on the progress you have made.  We all will get there.  Love Linder xo