Maybe This Is Why I'm Having It So Difficult And Stuck In My Head All The Time

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Before I started taking the klonopin, I had been taking the hydrocodone for a very long time.  At first it was for the pain, but it clearly became something I was using for fun on top of not having the headaches after awhile.  I was definitely more bored without it and found a lot more interest in everything with it.  I wish I'd never started taking it.  Although it helped the headaches, I could have handled life without it and was actually doing fine without it.  I just really enjoyed that new high it gave me.  I smoked pot for years for the same reason.  I've was bored without it pot sometimes, but I obviously didn't have to withdrawal from it and life was still liveable without it.  I knew I was going to have a tough transition after quitting hydrocodone...to learn to live life and be happy without it and not being bored and depressed, but I was ready for that.  Was I was not prepared for, was becoming dependent on klonopin right after, especialy so quickly.  But perhaps since I've had a very sensitive nervous system since having encephalits, my body just clinged onto the klonopin so quickly after quitting hydrocodone.  So trying to come off of this has been very difficult.  I think the hardest thing for me has been my racing mind not allowing me to stop thinking of all the pains and symptoms.  Distractions are so difficult because I never got a chance to learn my knew life without that hydrocodone, so activities that worked before and with hydrocodone, just are doing it for me.  I don't know how to not be bored and what to do while I'm going through this.  I would love to be able to work through this, but its impossible.  Watching TV, movies, reading...its all just so difficult because I don't know how to do these things.  My mind just races into boredom and depression.  I know its something I could have overcome, but going through this horrible benzo withdrawal never gave me the chance and now I'm having to try and learn both at the same time which is damn near impossible.  Both won't allow me to do the other.  I guess I don't really know how to distract and pass the time through this, because my I've always done that with the drugs. 

 

I don't know how many of you can relate or know how to help.  Any suggestions would mean a lot to me.  I really just can't get my mind off it, because I don't know how to live normal anymore I guess.  The boredom and depression on top of the anxiety of withdrawals wont' allow me to escape any of these thoughts.  I honestly think that's why I'm having it so hard.

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Hi coop,

 

I can tell you're really struggling...everything you say makes perfect sense. But, I'm dealing with the same boredom and distress and I've never used another drug with any consistency. When I turn on a movie (one of my favorite pasttimes before wd), it takes maybe 5 mins and I turn it off...completely disinterested in what's going on. Mornings are my worst...at night, I get to watch and enjoy some programs. All I can say is, it just takes time...things are slowly getting better for me and I'm trying to develop new coping skills as this thing progresses. Who knows, maybe by the time we're finished healing, we'll be really good at coping with life's struggles. That's what I'm aiming for anyway...

 

Take care XXOO

[[so...]]

I too take Lortab but it is for legit pain that docs can't seem to resolve.  I have a pinched nerve in my back. I started Xanax to help relax me as I'm certainly the Type A personality. I never abused either med and have never run out of my script early. When I went CT from Xanax last Sept I noticed the cravings I had for the lortab did not exist at all...I was so excited. I went from 7 tabs a day to 2 tabs a day in 48 hours with no apparent wd symps. My prayers had been answered

 

Three weeks went by and I was doing really well then the bottom fell out as it does for most people at that time. Slowly but surely my need for lortab increased and I saw it coming. Today I'm a little over 5 mths off Xanax and I'm back up to 5 tabs a day and it seems there's nothing I can do to stop it. I hate these pills with every fiber of my being but they do offer me a little relief from the extreme anxiety and depression at times. I know that's not a good reason but for me it's a matter of survival at this point because they do relieve the pain and I'm allergic to ibuprofen and aspirin.

 

I've tried every trick out there to shorten this process but it seems that time is the only cure. Gat I do know is quitting these damn pain pills will be a well in the park compared to these  Benzos.  Let's stay In touch. We seem to have similar issues and maybe we can help each other through the rough spots

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I just don't know what to do with my time because I literally can never find interest in anything.  Nothing seems to be rewarding at all.  Even when I try to distract I go straight to my ahead because of the depression and inability to enjoy things.  In my head where all this anxiety and pain is happening from the benzo withdrawal.  I quit hydrocodone once before and I was bored and it was difficult, but I wasn't this debilitated.  I was still able to do things without getting so trapped in my head.  I was still able to work, hang out with friends and family, watch movies, tv, and read, even drink on the weekends for fun and still find happiness in things with my wife and know I'd get better.  Now I can't do any of those things.  I'm just lost thinking about how I'll have to be stuck in my head forever.  So I feel like both problems are now feeding off each other.  I can't recover from the benzo withdrawal because I can't get out of my head and pass time like I should be able to and I can't learn to live without the old drugs because I'm disabled from the benzo and unable to even try and get on with my life.  I feel like I'll be stuck in this hell forever because I can't get on with my life from either of them. 

 

I used to always try and plan ahead with my life....what am I doing tonight, what am I doing this weekend.  I still try and do that so I won't have to suffer as much, but there is nothing to do anymore but suffer like I have been and try and keep going.  And this benzo withdrawal has made me so stupid.  It's so hard to think most of the time, it makes so many other tasks and distractions difficult because I can't think straight.  Work would be so difficult like this.  A lot of the time I can't even remember simple words anymore.  Do you guys think when I start to get better from this benzo thing, I'll be able to start living life normal again? I hate to think that they will continue to feed off one another making me worse and worse.  I feel like I'm headed there and if I dont' learn to how to deal with this and get by soon I'll be a complete hopeless case.  It's sad that I have to get on here and vent so much, but it really does get me out of my head the tiniest bit and I don't want to be stuck in there like I am most of the time now.  It's a very unpleasant place to be right now.

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I took hydrocodone for back pain for 4 months. I took 20 to 30 mgs a day. I tapered of them late Dec early Jan with out  too much trouble. Tapering is much better than cold turkey.

 

I will say getting of hydrocodone is a walk in the park compared to benzos.

 

I have had some trouble during my benzo taper but not like you are having. I am tapering slow though. My biggest problems are insomnia and anxiety. I have the normal aches and pains and some stomach problems but no mental problems like intrusive thoughts and feeling hopeless.

 

They say time heals all wounds even broken hearts. Just keep hanging in there.

 

endeavor to persevere

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I just don't know what to do with my time because I literally can never find interest in anything.  Nothing seems to be rewarding at all. 

 

This is textbook benzo wd and it can be very persistent. I will be 14 months off in less than a week and I still have less than 50% of the ability to feel pleasure, which means it's hard to enjoy much of anything. The good thing is when I get a big window it all comes back so I know that I haven't completely lost it. Another thing you have to remember is that you are in a deep, deep hole right now where you have the pain of all of those symptoms piled on top of the anhedonia. Once you get through acute wd it might take awhile to get back the ability to feel, but at least you won't have to deal with the crushing pain. At that point life becomes livable.

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I know what ur goin through,becouse I have it,it is one of my worst sx,it is terrible. I understand.  Angel

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It's actually probably just extremely hard to distract because I just feel so damaged. My brain and nervous system are so off that I cant help be think about them and be fearful of what's happening. Fearful thar it won't ever go away or at least that I won't be able to stick out however long it's goin to take. It's so hard feeling this damaged and continuing to put up with it and trying to be okay with it. If I knew I'd definitely get better and when, I think I could be better at sticking it out, but suffering minute to minute for who knows how long kills me. I'll pray it all eases up soon so I get the power knowing it's all gonna to away and the strength to keep fighting knowing what it will all be completely normal again. I need that so bad.

[[WT...]]

It's actually probably just extremely hard to distract because I just feel so damaged. My brain and nervous system are so off that I cant help be think about them and be fearful of what's happening. Fearful thar it won't ever go away or at least that I won't be able to stick out however long it's goin to take. It's so hard feeling this damaged and continuing to put up with it and trying to be okay with it. If I knew I'd definitely get better and when, I think I could be better at sticking it out, but suffering minute to minute for who knows how long kills me. I'll pray it all eases up soon so I get the power knowing it's all gonna to away and the strength to keep fighting knowing what it will all be completely normal again. I need that so bad.

 

We are with you all the way, Coop.  I understand what you mean; I know we'll get better, but it's just a matter of when.. that's the hard part.  I lay here on my bed with my lap tap, currently, paralyzed with fear -- I don't even want to move.  It's just so relentless, but everyone says it will go away, and that we'll be better than ever once it does.  Just imagine if we are better than ever.. that means I'll be superman because I was pretty dang near it at one time.   We all are here to support you, Coop, and I'm hoping with everything in me that you feel better soon.  I hope you get an amazing window of hope.

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Thanks, WTBNA. I hope you do too.

[[Pa...]]

Coop are you able to play video games of any kind? Theyve always seemed to help me through really rough patches. Even before benzo wd I'd use pc games as a crutch through difficult times. I had scabies for a year and gaming + benadryl was the thing that kept me going. Immidietly after I got rid of the scabies I had a horrible staph infection which took another year. As soon as I got rid of the staph I felt so raw and anxious that I went on paxil and Xanax to cope with the panic attacks I began having years before. The two long years of horrible skin infections completely destroyed my ability to cope. Needless to say I've done alot of gaming in my life. For me MMORPGS work best. They offer the most immersive experience and allow you to really lose yourself in the world.