I'm Trapped In My Own Mind And Can't Make It Stop...

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No matter what I do I can't make it stop. I've never had anxiety I couldn't control or obsessed this much in my life. I was told to to klonopin to ease my opiate withdrawals. Now, I'm trapped in my head and it's me absolutely crazy. The world hurts and I can't make any of this stop. Is it possible for this cause me to obsess and have anxiety forever? I can stop it so how will it ever stop? This is so painful and it's telling me this is my existence from now on. If I've been like this for this long, how will I ever stop thinking like this and get out of it???

[[Fl...]]

This is so painful and it's telling me this is my existence from now on. If I've been like this for this long, how will I ever stop thinking like this and get out of it???

 

One of the worst things about benzo wd is that it tries to convince you that what you are feeling is permanent. It's a nasty, nasty thought loop that goes through your brain and no one else will ever know how torturous it is unless they experience it for themselves.

 

I know it's not much consolation to hear when your brain won't let you process it but what you are going through is only temporary. I know, hours seem like days and days seem like months but if you can find the strength to get through each day, one day you will wake up and you will start to see some light. I went through several months of what you are going through and it seemed like a lifetime but when I did finally make it to that point it changed everything. I still had waves of doubt but things became more and more positive as time went on.

[[re...]]

Hi coop,

It's completely normal to be obsessing at this point. It's like you can't control your thoughts no matter what you do. I had these flashing visions and thoughts and I couldn't stop them. It was bizarre! But more importantly it's gone! I believe with all my heart it's the drugs and withdrawal doing this to you, but that doesn't mean there aren't little things you can do to help you get through it.

 

-Pick a phrase. Mine was "I'm safe now." (embarrassingly lame, I know ). I'd say it over and over and try to separate myself from my thoughts. It's like you have to let these thoughts happen outside of yourself. Does that make sense? Say your phrase over and over and try to separate yourself from the scary thoughts. Don't try to control them, just let them happen and don't let them scare you.

 

-I used the most simple form of distraction. Think about all of your friends. Say their names out loud. Say how you know them. Go through all of your teachers in high school. College. Bosses, coworkers, anything. Make lists like this in your mind and keep adding to the list.

 

-Focus on your breaths. Think about inhaling and exhaling. Think about each muscle and consciously try to relax it.

 

If these things don't work the first time, do them again. And then again. And again. Over and over.

 

You can do this. This is not permanent. You'll get yourself out of this cycle. It's the drugs and as they loosen their grip you'll start to feel like your old self. I couldn't force myself to feel that way now if I tried. It's not something you can do to yourself and healing isn't something you can prevent from happening. It will happen, regardless of what you do. Staying calm will just make the whole process easier.

 

 

[[ja...]]

Hi Coop.

Ok what your going thru sounds to me like me in Acute w/d.

I want you to know this is w/d and its exactly how it can hit us. Its not you.Your gonna be back to the old you again .I was just the same. I had all these sxs and I was in nonstop relentless out of control thoughts stuck within my own mind. It was maddning. Please coop try and take a deep breathe.Its all lies what this w/d is telling you all of them. You do get better.This all comes to a end.

I remember when I was in my acute faze I was off the wall with sxs. I knew I shocked my brain. I also knew I couldnt stop it. What I did know was as painful as this was.I knew me. I knew no matter what Im gonna fight thru this. This has to come to a end. It did.Please just try your best to see past the horror and know its exactly how this w/d can Roll.Heres a few of the sxs I had maybe they will give u some peace knowing and now knowing there all GONE now.

Head to toe numb couldnt feel anything,head felt severe pain like swollon.back hurt everywere like unexplainable pain. Twitches , Muscles rolling , Internal shakes,Vibes everywere, Pain in my organs,Lump in my throat, Ears popped. D/P,D/R, I felt completelty unfamiliar with my surroundings,couldnt get my words from my brain to my mouth. Couldnt put one foot in front of the other, Brain wouldnt process, didnt remember my name . could not connect to the real world or family. Irritable , Insomnia rediculious.I felt complete shock, Akethesea, Nonstop adrenaline pushing thru me. Couldnt watch TV. These are a few coop I know how ur hurting. I know how this feels like were stuck . Its not true .You are gonna get better .You are gonna feel like yourself again and be so happy. You have to know this w/d is super creepy and hurts. But noway is it gonna steal YOU. keep doing your best and stay as Hopeful as you can ok.

 

~Jenny

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Thank you all so much for replying.  I know you probably get tired of having to tell me the same stuff over and over, but I honestly need it.  Before I could remember all of your words of advice and wisdom, but now I just need it again and again over and over. 

 

I know its my obsessive thinking that is making this whole situation so much worse for me.  I just can't help it.  Before all of this I could control it, but now I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop it and it will be this way forever, driving me crazy forever.  I also think that about dying because it would be so much easier than this, but I want my life back so bad.  I have to be able to stick this out.  I think that is why I try and fight it so much.  I can't stand having these feelings and I'm constantly obsessing on a way to make it easier and not being able to just relax through it all.

 

I'm already worrying about how I'm going to make it throug this tomorrow to make it easier for myself.  Should I go stay with someone tomorrow?  Will it be easier over there?  Do I want to make my wife drive that far?  I'm constantly worrying about everything and it just killing me.  I'm trapped in my head and it won't stop.  The constant depression, boredom, anxiety, and repetitiveness won't allow me to think of what else to do besides beating this and figuring out a way to make it so I can get through, and that's exactly what's making it so difficult to get through.  I wish I could just stop that.  I don't want to be this way anymore and all I can think of is that nothing will ever be the same again.  I go crazy when I think that way and I don't want to suffer through it anymore.  I don't know how to keep going through each for the endless suffering that I feel.

Being an overthinker is what is making this so hard.  I wish I could just turn my thoughts off until the receptors start working again.  That would be so much easier. 

 

But hearing from you guys always seems to calm me down for the moment and make me realize I just have to stick it out and it will get better no matter what.  It doesn't seem possible sometimes, but it has to.  I wish I could stop fighting.  I feel like fighting is the way I can save and fix what is so damaged.  Like if I could figure this out it would be easier and I could deal with, but I have to stop trying to figure it out and just try and stay calm. 

 

I hate being this scared that its all over.  I don't know how my brain is this far gone and I want it back so bad its killing me.  Thank you all for caring so much and contiuing to remind me what I need to know.  Its amazing what this has done to my brain.  I need constant reassurance that its going to get better.  Each day is so hard.  Each minute is so hard.  I think its best for me to just get off this drug in a week like my plan has been.  I think the worst of this is what I'm doing to myself.

 

I wish this small amount of comfort I get could stay with me the whole way, but my brain wants to keep fighting and telling me its permanently damaged and my life is over.  I've got to stay strong for that part to get easy enough for me to ride out the rest.  Constantly trying to preplan each second of this horrific experience is only making things worse.  But I feel like I've got nothing left to do in life but worry. 

 

Even right now I'm going back and forth to thinking if I can just stay strong I can deal with it, to being frightened and unable to stop thinking.  Distraction is so hard with this powerful stupid brain.  I hate it.

[[pa...]]

Hi Coop - its Patty...  Coop you are a very strong person and will face this head on.  Everything you write is exactly what my husband and so many bbs have experienced.  It is all Benzo WD and nothing more then that.  When my hubby was at his worse with it, we would sing Row, Row, Row your Boat...  You cannot think of two things at once, so we used this as distraction.  My hubby no longer has any of the symptoms he had before, it does leave.  You are going through major wds right now, but I promise you, just like everyone is doing so... this will settle down.  You will heal like all have, you will have your "old" but a better life back again.  Just try to stay in the moment as much as you can, do lots of good deep breathing and figure out a good mantra that you can use.  My prayers and hugs are with you Coop...  Hugs, Pattylu

[[JO...]]

Coop,

I am sorry to see you are suffering so badly. As others have stated it is all part of the nasty game these drugs play on our minds. i have days like this too and it's very frustrating to say the least. The best thing you can do in my opinion is try and distract yourself in what ever way possible. Listen to some soothing music , go for a long walk get some fresh air. I like the posters advise about breaking the loop cycle in our heads. After looking at your signature line you have been through alot . it may be best if you hold and see if you can get stable again before making another cut. Let your doctor know what is going on take control of your taper. It's your body and mind and this process can't be rushed. We all will heal from this nightmare . Hope you feel better soon.

[[ma...]]

Hi Coop,

I am in the hell you are in today .

I called my pharmacology Dr this morning & he said I could take the antihistimine

Vistaril or Phenergan [prescription] or Benadryl/Unisom to knock things down when this

unbearable & it wouldn't hurt me, or my benzo WD.

Dr Ashton used some of these antihisimines w/ her clients in the benzo study.

They make me feel drowsy, but they can take the edge off when I cant stand it anymore.

Enough to let me escape a little & watch TV for a while. Catch my breath. Pathetic, but better than freaking out entirely.

 

Vistaril also has a possible anti anxiety effect as well .I think some other benzo buds use it, & may have

more info. They are used mostly as a sleep aid, but might help in emergency, as I am doing now.

Everyones system is different though, so hard to know what may help any given individual.

You could look into these antihistimines if you havn't tried them already.

 

Your posts express the hell some of us are also going through, so know you are not alone.

These benzos  & WD - really DO cause this unspeakable torture & mayhem.

Try & hang on,

 

margaretisabel

 

 

 

 

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Hi margaretisabel,

 

I actually have a prescription for hydroxyzine (antihistamine). I'm able to sleep so don't really need it for that, but I do sleep even better when I take it. It does seem to help a tad when I'm freaking out though. It doesn't really take away from the physical pain or the headaches, d/p, d/r, cog fog or any of that, but it does calm my emotional worry and fear the tiniest bit. I try and only take it every few days though. I don't know if it will lose it's effectiveness or somehow prolong recovery. I wish I knew how often and how much I could take because that small amount really does help me when I need it. Does anyone know if it's okay for recovery? Doesn't prolong anything, how often and how much?

[[KR...]]

Very well put Jaso19 (Jenny). Seeing how you went through a cold turkey ALONE Im sure you have some great insight on these sypmtoms.

 

Coop... I don't really ever respond to posts like this anymore but you keep popping up. You have me semi concerned although I have seen WAY worse on here that have gone onto HEAL. So please remember that. First of all I hope you know your own limits. I'm wondering if you do? Sometimes people think people have this under control when they really DONT. Others think they do but the withdrawl impairs their thinking. Which then complicates things as you are seeing now. You need to always remember to put your PRIDE aside and put your safety first. Do you get this part? I hope so. You have me wondering?

 

The duration of this can bring many to there knees so you need to form some type of game plan to get you thru this. You need to write down what you ARE and ARENT going to do to help yourself. You need to intake ONLY positive reassuring info that your going to be OK. Don't be sneaking around to different parts of this site and reading posts that freak you out. I'm sure you ARE and your making yourself WAY worse by doing this. Your wife should get pissed at you for doing that to yourself and to her. Things are already chaotic. Read positive things on HERE while your at this stage in the game and keep talking to positive people. There are plenty of them here to go around. All your doing by reading negative things is reinforcing the fears that you already have. Which appear to be alot.

 

Have a plan in place on who your going to call or reach out to if your NOT getting the support you need here. This place can only do so much. And many people here worry about you. A phone call to someone does wonders. I was on the phone ALL the time early on in my C/T and I'm still on it alot to this day. Hearing a real human voice HELPS. If you have no one to call try a help line. Trust me I would of talked to ANYONE when I first got out of detox. I was scared to death. So don't be ashamed to do it. Its really no big deal. They don't know where you live. Talk to them to you feel better. Do whatever it takes. It will all be in your past someday anyways. LOL

 

Eveything your going through is completely normal. You might think your bad but you could be WAY worse. Don't ever forget that. Tell yourself this over and over. Its true. Believe ME on this one. I was there. Find someone on here you can bond with and can get close to. Tell them how your feeling via PM or whatever. Getting things off your chest helps alot. But laying it out to a close friend/friends that GETS it is even better. You can form GREAT friendships here that will last a life time.

 

Remember that your wife is doing EVERYTHING she can to help you. She's working and worrying about your health. I'm sure she's extremely stressed over this situation. So you need to do everything you can to take whatever pressure off her throughout the day. Even the little things help I'm sure. Remember shes reading everything you post on here because shes a member to. It probably freaks her out when shes not home and at work reading some of the things you say and how you post it. She has your back no matter what. Reassure yourself of that.

 

You need to BELIEVE that you will heal. As hard as it is. You have to hold onto that and move forward. You have to buy time and make the days go buy. What you do during this time is up to you. But what your doing NOW doesn't seem to be working to well. So try to adjust somethings and make it a little easier on the both of you. Make a list. Do whatever. But identify whats working for you and what isn't. I'm sure there are some things that you can change to ease your mind just a little. Take care brother.

 

Rock

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I appreciate the positive things you've said. Sometimes the things that have helped stop working as my thoughts break through. I also know of things that make it worse, but I can't help it.

 

I'm definitely not sneaking around though. I usually just try and read my own posts because I don't want to be scared or have other stuff to worry about. The things that scare me come from my mind. I sure wish I could help it. I get scared that things will never be the same, or how long can keep doing it when it's this bad, or what if it gets worse, and what am I gonna do. I have no pride about anything going on. I'm not sure what you meant there.

[[KR...]]

Coop.. Its your withdrawl so you should know. And yes theres LOTS of things we cant control. But you saying "I also know of things that make it worse, but I can't help it." Really??  Coop, if you know of these things that your doing to yourself are making you worse STOP exposing yourself to them. Your still going to have symptoms but come on man.

 

I brought up the PRIDE issue because you seem to cry out for desperate help on here. The admins in return tell you they think you should talk to a doctor and seek help elsewhere. Makes sense to me. Ive read some of them. You then down play it and play it off like you have everything under control and for them not to worry. Like you didn't mean what you said. It sends mixed messages if you get what I mean. It almost as if you want so bad to have this under control but you don't. And you just don't want to admit it to anyone. There's no shame in admitting when your over your head with this. This stuff is NO Joke. I hope for your continued progress and safety. Take care.

 

Rock

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The things I do that make it worse and can't help are things I think. I know it's not good to think I'll never get better or I can't take this. I don't do anything physically to make my worse besides exerise and hoping even though it revs me up, it's actually helping. I think you misunderstood me there.

 

And I've seen several doctors who have not helped. They tried to tell me I was crazy, I should take more meds, and that I could come off this stuff much faster.  Your situation must have been or is a lot easier than mine. I still see a doctor every week and tell him all this.

 

I understand you want to help, but I don't think you entirely get my options or what I'm going thru. I really do appreciate your help, but I've considered everything and I'm not stupid.

[[co...]]

Hi KRock,

 

I just want to say first off that I think your posts to my husband are coming from the right place, but I think you're misunderstanding him and speaking out of terms on a few things. 

 

For you to comment on what should make me mad is way off base, and frankly pretty offensive. 

 

To say on the one hand that being in withdrawal impairs thinking, then to post later and say "it's your withdrawal so you should know" sends mixed messages.  What he's doing is needing reassurance from the best place to get it, not doctors, but from people that have actually gone through or are going through it.  Then when he talks to the people on this forum who respond with what he needs to hear, he settles down, and replies back so maybe that's what you're seeing that appears "mixed" to you.  It sounds like someone being jerked around by their brain during withdrawal to me. 

[[ja...]]

Coop and Mrs Coop.

 

Hi .I just wanted to come by and say .I think perhaps you have both misunderstood Rock.

His approch may be a bit Tuff but its a solid conctrete one with alot of concern. I met Rock a year ago and I have to tell you..By no means has he had/have nothing short of a Horror show nonstop. I mean serious w/d ,Suffering extreme. Just like you coop.Actually I believe he came by because your w/d has been very close to home for him. I hope you both understand its so hard over the comp to truely understand how things should come across. I know ur suffering so much Coop I really wish you werent . We understand how you feel . Mrs coop just know this w/d is so hard for coop and the constint suffering becomes behond tolerable.But as time passes healing takes place and the real you starts to shine thru. Hang in the Coop and keep strong ok..You will get thru this.I pray for Peace and Comfort to come for you ..

 

~Jenny

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I guess I just don't know what to do with his advice. I'm trying to make this as easy for myself as possible and I've seen and am continuing to see several doctors. I can't help it when it gets this hard like it does so often and it helps for you guys to calm me down. Should I have listened to the doctor who wanted to give me buspar and told me I could come off this in a few weeks? Or the doctor who told me within 5 minutes of meeting me that I need to be on drugs for the rest of my life when I never needed them and was perfectly fine for 30 years before?  Or how about that doctor who gave me this drug in the first place?  I am seeing a psychologist and neurologist now and they are working to make sure it's nothing else and reassure me it will get better and I'll be back to my normal self. We aren't trying to be rude, I'm just suffering and what we're doing now is the only thing we know how.

[[KR...]]

Coop... You saying "Your situation must have been or is a lot easier than mine" has me laughing pretty hard right now but hey, you don't know me so its OK. I cold turkey off 30mgs of Valium at a detox center. I went through hell and then some so I get what your going through. I was also to a point where I didn't think I could take it any longer due to the sever intrusive thoughts that i was experiencing so I reinstated 20 mgs of Valium for 3 weeks to try and make them go away. It didn't work and they DIDN'T go away. I got sicker and had to come of the 20mgs over the next 45 days. What I don't know anything about is tapering off smaller amounts of Benzos like yourself. I'm not PRO doctor, PRO meds, I'm PRO nothing. I'm all natural. I realized after my failed reinstatement that nothing could help me but time. It took me going through all that to realize it. What I saw in your post was alot of the same things I was thinking early in my w/d. And I was in a very dark place that was hopeless and never ending. I just hope you have a grip on what you can handle and what you cant. I wish the best for you.

 

Coops wife...Sorry if I offended you. Wasn't my intentions. I hope you find the strength within to keep supporting your husband the way you are. You both have a great life ahead of you when this is over. Sometimes it takes someone that has been in his situation to say how desperate he looks and not sugar coat anything. Im just telling you the way it is. "Someone being jerked around by their brain" as you stated in w/d can be a very dangerous thing. It should never be downplayed by someone that is not in w/d or hasnt been there. Take care of your hubby and be SAFE.

 

Rock

[[Ga...]]

You know coop, our brains are in a fragile state right now. I have read some horror stories and I do think we are susceptible to thinking oh oh, what if that happens to me, too in 7th mo, etc?

 

So, rock is right, read the success stories, call help lines, most people who volnteer for them like helping people. Have a plan in mind if things get too tough for you and you feel you cant handle it.

 

Im surein time you will feel better, you keep telling yourself, w/d is awful but it DOES end.

And, if the Vistaril helps you, well theres nothing wrong with sleeping during the day. Sleep, they say is good for you. It is non addictive and you can stop it anytime but it was prescribed for a reason.

 

I know it is hard to wait in w/d but its the only thing we can do. I hope you get some relief soon

[[ja...]]

I know coop..

I to seen so many doctors with so many diff opinions..But they all said the same  in the end.. I needed to take the benzo .I was doing this to myself. Its so hard not knowing ..

But the truth is when u are off the meds. Your onto healing. Im so sorry your going thru such suffering .I know it so well.It was by far the hardest time of my life. And Ive been thru some tests. I thought when I was on a number of narcotics due to cronic illness was bad. 14 surgerys were awful.,But after I lost my 4 year old daughter I thought I could never ever go thru anything so awfuly soul crushing. Well then came severe benzo w/d .And that was a whole nother kind of Horror. I really hope you can start to feel some relief I think you need that. I also believe in doctors. They may not always know the rt thing to due in benzo w/d .But they due save lives everyday. Even if they couldnt save my daughter.They sure did try. Hang on Coop and I hope u start to see better days comeing ur way.

 

~Jenny

[[co...]]

Nothing is being downplayed. Our family and I know how serious this is and can be. But what this forum is for is what we use it for: a place to vent, get support and real life experiences from people that have gone through it and are going through it. I know he wasn't trying to minimize you're suffering either, just trying to find a basis for your opinion which is well intended just pretty abrasive.  maybe a little sugar coating for someone in a state of withdrawal is better medicine than the way your words can be taken

[[pa...]]

I guess I just don't know what to do with his advice. I'm trying to make this as easy for myself as possible and I've seen and am continuing to see several doctors. I can't help it when it gets this hard like it does so often and it helps for you guys to calm me down. Should I have listened to the doctor who wanted to give me buspar and told me I could come off this in a few weeks? Or the doctor who told me within 5 minutes of meeting me that I need to be on drugs for the rest of my life when I never needed them and was perfectly fine for 30 years before?  Or how about that doctor who gave me this drug in the first place?  I am seeing a psychologist and neurologist now and they are working to make sure it's nothing else and reassure me it will get better and I'll be back to my normal self. We aren't trying to be rude, I'm just suffering and what we're doing now is the only thing we know how.

 

Hi Coop, Neither of you are or have been rude.  When anyone is thrown into this hurricane of a nightmare, they are grasping at any straw to help themself to try to cope.  Its frightening and terrifying.  Of course, as you wrote above, the medical community has not really helped.  Guess what?  Seems to me most of us were in the same boat, that's why we ended up on these drugs with little information.

 

Being one who walked this path, I learned many things.  The main thing I learned, is having humility with my words and actions when someone else is suffering; its called having empathy for another, no matter what they are facing.  So my friend, you have support here from many new friends you have formed, one in me! 

 

Oh, one thing!  Have you ever gone into CHEWING THE FAT or others on this site.  They have non-benzo stories and are good healthy reading!  Take good care, catch you later buddy!    Hugs, Pattylu

[[pa...]]

Nothing is being downplayed. Our family and I know how serious this is and can be. But what this forum is for is what we use it for: a place to vent, get support and real life experiences from people that have gone through it and are going through it. I know he wasn't trying to minimize you're suffering either, just trying to find a basis for your opinion which is well intended just pretty abrasive.  maybe a little sugar coating for someone in a state of withdrawal is better medicine than the way your words can be taken

 

Amen   Pattylu

[[re...]]

Hi coop,

You seem like an intelligent person. Pull from these posts the things that help you and leave the rest alone. I give advice to people that I feel I can relate to. I say what I needed to hear when I was going through this. What I see in your posts is someone in hell who needs to vent. It's ok to vent here. I can relate to you with both the physical and mental symptoms you're having. I can say I never had "psychological" problems and was never depressed beyond what is to be expected during this nightmare. Suicide never crossed my mind. That is probably why I (hopefully rightfully) give you the benefit of the doubt that you're not in that place. You're speaking from frustration, not depression. At least that's what I'm reading.

 

Others may have had a different experience and depression may have played a bigger role for them. They may read posts with a different bias. I'll continue to give you advice as best I can because I truly see myself in your posts. You also have a strong support system in real life and if you reach a crisis point I'm sure you are strong enough to reach out to them.

 

Be kind to yourself. Your wife seems wonderful. That being said, my view is you should be selfish right now. Mrs coop wants to be there for you. Don't feel guilty for what you're going through. This IS NOT your fault. Your family is there to help you, and in future years, when they are sick, I'm sure you will be there for them. But right now it's your turn. NO GUILT!

 

In an ideal world we'd all find a terrific doctor to help us through this. Keep searching for that doctor but I shared your frustration with the medical system. You know yourself better than anybody else. Trust your gut and instincts and do the best you can. Time is the best healer and fortunately you don't need a doctor to prescribe that.

 

I really do recommend checking into a hotel with your wife for a few nights. I think I mentioned this before. Order some room service. Find a place with a pool and hot tub. Do something to help yourself feel human again. You may be too sick right now, but when things start to lift this really can help lift the spirits.

 

Please do keep posting. You're a strong person and you'll make it to the other side .

[[ja...]]

Nothing is being downplayed. Our family and I know how serious this is and can be. But what this forum is for is what we use it for: a place to vent, get support and real life experiences from people that have gone through it and are going through it. I know he wasn't trying to minimize you're suffering either, just trying to find a basis for your opinion which is well intended just pretty abrasive.  maybe a little sugar coating for someone in a state of withdrawal is better medicine than the way your words can be taken

Coops wife..

Heres the thing. I dont believe Rock was giveing any bad medicne. I actually Loved his first post. It was very very insightful. It had so much possitive information. He wouldnt have responded in such depth if coops thread didnt remind him so much of what he went thru. He also gave alot of helpful things that can help in this process. Thats what happens I believe when we walk this walk and learn thru this what helps and what Hurts. Yes he has a Tuff and Strong way of speaking but it comes from a very concered place. I think haveing a different approch can also be very Helpful .As I have been Subject to his Way of speaking.At the time I was like Really?? Your gonna come at me like that. What noone talks to me like that. Thank God he did. He may have been "abrasive" as you say. But if it wasnt for his Tuff Strong solid  Way ..My life would have been very different rt now. Its always nice to be soothed definitly.But you have to remember Coops w/d is so bad rt now and his crys can really scare a person.Expecially someone like Rock who has had all of those sxs and currently suffer from sxs now.This w/d can really scare people expecially when we see someone holding on so tight rt now. We have seen to many here LET GO!!! So maybe Rock was hard .But I know for me Tuff love can really hit home sometimes more so then the Sugar coated words ..Please dont take offense we all care about Coop and really want to see him feel relief.. Coop hang In there ok and please dont feel like anyone would ever want to do anything but see and help you thru this.

~Jenny

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Thanks, Recovered. I think you said it perfectly. If it ever got to the point where I needed that help you guys are saying, I would not hesitate to call someone or go to the ER. Hell, I'd take that stupid pill again before I would hurt myself and I don't plan on doing that either. I'm so frustrated when my mind won't stop and it scares the crap out of me. The fear of not being able to make it stop and never enjoying anything ever again drive me absolutely crazy. That when I start venting on here like you see. I need to be reminded over and over in this state that it will be okay so I have the strength to endure it and keep going.

 

You got the guilt thing too. I say sorry to everyone every day because I'm sorry I can't be myself and what I'm putting them through, and I guess cause i don't know what else to say. My wife is so caring and good to me, and she repeats to me what you guys say but I still need it more from the who really know because it's impossible to relate unless you've been in this hell I'm in.

 

I'm passing this time the best way I can, and a big part of that is having to vent on here. It helps calm me and passes that time I need. I'd rather post on here than be trapped in my mind. I owe each and every one of you once I'm better and I can't wait to help others the way you all gave helped me.

 

I'm going to do what you have all said. Hang onto that positive advice and stay away from everything else.

 

Thank you for getting me through this.