Help/ Questions

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hi-

 

i am new to this board.

 

i thought i was almost healed from the mess, but it seams that my symptoms are back and i am starting to wonder if it is anxiety/ depression or just withdrawal. a little about me, i was taking one milligram of klonopin for 3 years and stopped cold turkey last year on feb 15, 2011. the first few months were absolute hell... deep suicidal depression, agoraphobia, ringing in ears, high anxiety, derealization, lack of focus, twitching.... you name it and i had it. as the months came and went, i started to feel better. but now, with a year off, i thought that i would be cured. i am still having obsessive thoughts, anxiety, balance issues, some depression, a lot of derealization, cloudy feeling like i am high all the time. is this normal.... when does it get better. or is this just anxiety and depression.

 

any help would be great.

 

thanks...

[[Sc...]]

Hello Trag and welcome to Benzo Buddies.

 

Congratulations for being benzo free for one year now!  That is a HUGE accomplishment and something to be very proud of.  For many, 1 year off can still be a difficult time.  Some side effects can continue to linger, or old ones can resurface and create new stress again.  I wouldn't begin to think you have an actual problem with anxiety and/or depression at this point b/c you still may be suffering the downfalls of coming off of Benzos.  Many who come off of them "cold turkey" find their side effects linger a bit longer than others, so keep that in mind as well.

 

The good news is that you're off of them and your body is truly doing what it needs to do to heal fully.  It can take a long time and a LOT of patience, but you will get there.

 

Please feel free to let us know of any other questions or concerns you may have.

 

All the best,

Schatje

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thank you very much. i guess patience is the hard part that i have had to learn. morning are still terrible for me. i wake up in an anxious rage and cloudlike, then a few hours of depression... so strange.. just want my life back.

[[Fe...]]

I read some tips on here somewhere for morning anxiety. I need to find them again. If you find them let me know where they are at. I will do the same if I run across them again.

[[Bi...]]

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Hi Everyone:

 

I want to thank everyone in advance. I have visited this site before, but have felt so poor lately that i want to see if anyone has experienced this.

 

My story:

Took 1mg of klonopin for almost three years due to panic attacks and anxiety (june 2008- feb. 2011)

In October of 2008, my doctor also prescribed me Pristiq 25mg. He told me that they would both be very easy to get off of.

I would take the pristiq in the morning and the klonopin every evening. I was also prescribed lorezapam (.5 as needed) for situational anxiety. I did not take those on a regular basis ( a few times a week).

 

In February 2011, i decided that i did not need to be taking all of this medication. I went to my doctor and he told me to stop taking them. I stopped taking both medications at the end of january 2011. Within a few days, i started to get very sick. I started having panic attacks, screaming ears, felt like everything was a dream, sensitivity to light, memory issues, very poor concentration. We went to the er and the doctor told me that I may be having a short term withdrawal from the benzo or the pristiq. He have me a 3 week phenobarbatal taper. After the taper in mid february, I started to get much worse. I could not sit still, i had massive ocd, and all of the other symptoms stated before. I had to leave my position at work and take a medical leave of absense. March and April were a blur. I was barely able to get out of the house. I had no energy. I was afraid to go outside. I had massive panic attacks. My wife and I saw numerous doctors and none of them thought it was from the benzos. They told me that it was my anxiety and depression issues. I did not fully believe them because of the extra symptoms like tinnitus, derealization, depersonalization, memory loss....

In April, the psychiatrist convinced me that I should be on an ssri and decided that lexepro would help. He started me on 10mg of lexepro and ramped me up to 20mg within a month.

Months May and June were better, but I still had a ton of symptoms. I would wake up in the morning with very high anxiety, vibrating, and by noon be completely exhausted.

In July, I returned to work (still have no idea how I did it). I continued to suffer. The next few months went by and things got a little better. the main symptoms that continued to persist were derealization (felt like everyday was a dream), ringing in my ears, and constant tension. I would also start twitching more often.

By the holidays, I was a little better.

Fast forward to today, it has been 19+ months since my last benzo (cold turkey), i am still on lexepro- 20mgs, but i still feel like crap. Is this possible? my doctor does not beleive me at all? i don't think that anyone would believe me.

 

the issues-

still have tinnitus

no emotion/ can't cry (i don't know if that is the lexepro or withdrawal)

don't feel like myself

very obsessive

morning anxiety

very tired all the time

massive derealization ( i feel like the last 20 months have been a dream/ blur)

terrible short term memory

cog fog all the time

zoning out

 

What could this be? I hear that most people should be fine by now. can this be the lexepro?

 

I really have tried my best to be a good person, but i don't understand why i am struggling so much. i exercise a ton and recently competed in a tough mudder competition. i would a lot and sometimes it does help.

 

I recently found out that my wife is pregnant, but the thought of being a dad and like this makes me sad.

 

Any thoughts would be great

I really am grateful that this site is here

 

best

 

john

[[pi...]]

Hello trag,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies!  It sounds like you had a pretty rough go of it with the cold turkey of two medications.  It is possible to continue to have symptoms after 19 months, some times it does take a while for the central nervous system to recover.

 

I also received the same comments as you after I had to discontinued Ativan for a medical test. I was told that what I was experiencing  could not be withdrawal because I had been of the drug for two weeks.  It took me a long time, but eventually I found sustantial information that indicated that I was experiencing a strong withdrawal.

 

Congratulations on your upcoming baby!!  You know, you never know when this withdrawal will lift, it could be right around the corner.  We have many parents here, some with very young children.  I think you still can be a wonderful dad even while in recovery.

 

Please feel free to ask questions. We do have a dedicated thread for those in protracted withdrawal. I will put a link to it here for you: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=65558.0

 

I hope that communicating with those in your time frame you will find some comfort.  Your system took a big hit with the cold turkey, time will bring healing for you. You will receive support and encouragement from many kind and caring members.

 

pianogirl

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Trag

congrats on being a future father. I know you may not be able to feel much now, but your joy and excitement will come back

Your story sounds like many of ours. 19 months is still early for some of our healing.

I dont know what role the ssri plays but your sx sure sound like classic benzo wd.

Hang in there. It will get better. Slowly.

You have been through a lot. But the worst is over.

You are benzo free and healing.

 

There should be others along to help you here. It is a wonderful community of caring people.

RFB

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Thanks everyone for getting back to me. The biggest struggle is that its been 19 months! you would think that you are fine by then. Plus, every doctor thinks that i am crazy. I just wish i knew when... do you think another year?

i really do appreciate all of the help. do you think that this is lasting so long because it was cold turkey??

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I'm 19 months since my last benzo with a ton of problems still. I quit cold turkey off of 1mg klonopin. After a few months, my doctor put me on 20mg of lexepro. I have had no emotions and are unable to cry. Is it the lexepro or withdrawal?

 

 

[[Be...]]

I don't know. However, you might get a better response on the withdrawal and support board.

[[Ma...]]

Hello Trag

I can feel ur impatience..U have been enduring for very long time..No divine response to the prayers u r making subconsciously might be making u hopeless.But b sure God is having an eye upon ur condition and ur sufferrings are not for forever..U r definitely going to be calm and happy as before though brain fog is completely preventing u to recognize this event.

Nehow,i remember having read this complaint from many lex users(not all) that lex mask their emotions as well as made them feel tired while they were on it.Or it can be Benzo withdrawal 2 as protracted withdrawal mostly resulting from cold turkey generally runs for even more than 19 months.

(see protracted withdrawal thread in 'withdrawal and recovery support')