Mornings

[[Le...]]

So I joined this site for support and while it does seem that there are a few excellent individuals out there that are encouraging, there isn't as much sharing at least with me that I have seen. I feel very alone and when I post I am looking for others who are experiencing the same w/d that I am so I don't feel like I'm never gonna heal. That said I am not giving up on my fight. I appreciate those of you who take the time to post encouragement and help me through this extreme difficult time.

 

I have found that mornings ten to be the worst for me. I am 7 1/2 weeks into my release from this evil drug. I have had a few windows even if they don't last that long. Mornings tend to have me waking up feeling the fear and anxiety that I am going to start having another attack or that I am going to stop breathing. I never feel very good and it usually lasts till about noon or a bit after. I then might get a couple or several psychosis waves were I feel like I am losing touch with reality or that I am going to lose consciousnous. I work 5 days a week and it has become a challenge to not go home because as I have said previously about two weeks ago the ambulance was called when I started having a severe anxiety/panic attack. My eyes often throb out of control and I am always very sensitive to light, sound, and smell. This truly is a mountain and I am trying very hard to not give up and climb it. I have on occasion taken Ambien(zolpidem tartrate) to get some sleep only recently to realize that it is the same class of drug as Xanex?!?!?! I am wondering if that is what is making me have worse days then other. I don't take it every night but have taken it around 5 to 6 times in the 7 1/2 weeks I have been of. I used to take it every night for years which also could be a factor in the severe withdraw symptoms I was experiencing all year last year. I just feel lost, lazy, crazy, but very grateful every morning when I wake up even if I feel like crap. I feel sorry for each person who is in this situation and I can't help but be angry at my doctor for not taking any of this experience seriously. In the US there is a huge cover up by the FDA as this site is the only one I could find that gave me hope that I wasn't losing my mind and that it just may be the fact that I was prescribed too much Xanex. When the ambulance came they told me I should go back to my doctor to be put back on Xanex and as I was shaking uncontrollably I laughed at the paramedic because that would be just want the doctor wanted. Sorry for going on I just feel so helpless sometime. Like I am sitting on borrowed time and my family doesn't understand. It's frustrating to them, to me, to my work, my friends. I pray for each of you that you know not to give up. There is always sun after the storm and it will come even if it takes two years it's going to be a beautiful picture when it does.

[[Ga...]]

hi Leo

yes, mornings are the worst for me. I get the eye pain, too in bright sunlight! I think for 2 mo I kept the blinds shut. Its getting a little better now so hang in there.

Do you have the inne vibrating? I do.

Well hang in there Buddy

[[Ho...]]

Hi Leo,

 

Mornings are often the most difficult time for our members. This might be as a result of low blood sugar or low blood pressure in the morning. You could search "morning anxiety". I'm sure you'll find some information on the site about it. I see this quite often.

 

If you don't eat breakfast, it might help to eat a little something in the morning.

 

I also think we're at our most vulnerable, emotionally in the morning. I'm not sure why but I've always felt most of my anxiety in the morning and once off the benzos, I can see how that would become magnified.

 

My best advice to you is to distract yourself. I know that's easier said than done when these symptoms are intense. The fact that you're working is great news. This gives you something to focus on. I often think those who can keep working tend to fair better than those who don't.

 

71/2 weeks isn't a lot of time to be off. I'd say you're doing very well so far. Things will get better. This is temporary. Take your day one hour at a time...or even one minute at a time. You can get through this.

 

 

[[Le...]]

Thanks for the support you two and I appreciate any feedback. It makes me feel less alone and like I can really heal. I appreciate that people read and view my posts but why not reply? When I read one I definetely ost as I don't want anyone to feel alone in this. Even if I don't share symptoms a message of support is always appreciated

 

[[el...]]

Hi Leo -

 

I remember very well how miserable mornings were. At the beginning of this w/d, I just wanted to be left alone in the bedroom with the doors closed so that I could literally die in bed. That is how bad it was for me. I was too frightened to even get out of the bed. I just figured 40 years of booze and 13 years of benzos was more than my brain could recover from and that I might as well just die.

 

But I was very, very wrong. Now, mornings are my favorite part of the day. I like to get out of bed, have some coffee, and start the day. It does get a WHOLE lot better - even though that seems impossible right now.

 

You are right about the “beautiful picture” at the end of this. My picture that was stark black and white for many months now has plenty of color and is getting clearer and clearer as time passes. It is going to be a masterpiece - just like yours.

 

You’re doing a good job. Hang in there.

 

eli

 

[[Le...]]

Thanks Eli! It gives me great hope to hear your story. Coffee even causes me to get a bit of the jitters. It has been very difficult and I keep feeling like I wish time would pass by even  faster but then I realize I am wishing away my life. Life is about challenges and while this is probably the roughest patch of my legacy on this planet I find it to give me alot of insight. I do find that when the attacks are over that I realize that they aren't as severe as the ones i was having with the interdosal withdraw. Don't get me wrong they are still very intense in the moment but I survive. Every day when I think I might not wake up the next day, I do. God may not take away the suffering but it is evident that I am suppose to be here in this moment suffering through this to be better and that is what keeps me going. Thanks again for your kind and thoughtful words

[[Ho...]]

Thanks for the support you two and I appreciate any feedback. It makes me feel less alone and like I can really heal. I appreciate that people read and view my posts but why not reply? When I read one I definetely ost as I don't want anyone to feel alone in this. Even if I don't share symptoms a message of support is always appreciated

 

 

Some of our members are here purely to find information and not to post on the forums. This could be for many reasons. Some are shy, some are very ill and are dealing with brain fog which makes it hard to put together a sentence. Others may not be as well read when it comes to benzos and feel they don't have enough to offer support. There are many reasons. I wonder if it might be best for you to  focus on those that are replying to you. I think everyone is doing the best they can.

 

I'm glad the replies you've gotten have helped. 

[[Iw...]]

i feel the same way in the mornings  leo like im going have a panic attack or something but i find if i eat something it slowly goes away. i think its our sugar levels in the morning and keeping them leveled out, happens to me for bout 4 hours from wakening. hope your improving!

[[re...]]

Mornings have always been the worst time for me during my taper and withdrawal. But they're a lot better now than they used to be. I used to wake up in a state of terror. I didn't sleep more than a few hours. And I just felt weird - a little psychotic, I think. Now I'm sleeping better and waking up with, at most, a bit of worry and dread, but nothing severe. I'm only 3 months off the drug, and I expect to be much better after a few more months.

 

Ambien is a benzo. Stop taking it. I'm not sure if you can just stop, or if you'll have to taper off it. Maybe someone else can speak to that issue. But as long as you're still taking it, you're still taking benzos.

 

Overall, you have to be very careful about what you eat and drink during this process. Pay attention to how different foods and drinks affect you. Be very wary of nutritional supplements. There's a lot posted here about all this. Do a Search, and you shall find.

 

Good luck.

Evan