How long do you think I will take to heal?

[[Ho...]]

Here is my background with psych drugs:

 

Ages 13-17,  every kind of AD out there, they even had me try risperdal and lithium - all because I was very shy, sensitive, and oppositional.

 

ages 17-19 No drugs, at least that I can remember (my memory was absolutely ravaged by those previous four years... I still cannot remember any of high school.)

 

age 20  tried lots more ADs to treat my sensitivity and anxiety, including Lamictal and Lexapro. Stayed on lexapro for 2 years. Eventually was offered benzo.

 

Enter benzo tolerance wd hell, leading me to ask for help from my prescribing dr for tolerance sxs (unknowing they were caused by benzo, of course).

 

ages 21-23 Xyrem (GHB) prescribed for insomnia,  Adderall (for DSPS and brain fog caused by benzos... obviously the worst thing you could EVER take in wd!!! I've never been so unfunctional as when I took this stupid stimulant! Except maybe when I tried Cymbalta in wd... ugh.), remeron, MANY other drugs for the insomnia. Seriously, like every single one.

 

When benzo wd hell continued, I tried other benzos, including valium, xanax, and clorpronazine (sp?), ambien, and lunesta.

 

Overall, I was on Klonopin for about 4 years. I had though I was only on it 2 1/2 until I came across something that proved otherwise. Let this go to show how severely these drugs can destroy our memories.

 

 

 

 

Sooo my question is.... taking all this info into account, how long do you think I should give myself to heal? Not that I can control it of course, but I just want to know what you'd think. I'm 24, so overall, I've been on psych drugs for 11 years already.  That's a long time....

 

[[Sc...]]

Unfortunately I think it's almost impossible to say...but I am in the same boat as you.  SEVERAL SSRI's from ages 15-18...then took a "break" (and did just fine) for many years.  Then went back on them...and Clonazepam (although I was on this on an "as needed" basis since I was 16 years old, with no issues that I was aware of).  Then off...then on, etc. 

 

I OFTEN wonder if all the years of combined meds affect my recovery time.  I do know that right now at 7 months off I am finally beginning to see some good progress (although tonight is far from a good one...I do get more and more breaks).  I wish we knew how long this would last for each of us - it's by far the most frustrating aspect of it.  But keep believing it will happen...easier said than done, but I've noticed many forum members lately say they are getting better.  That's really encouraging. 

 

All the best, Holly...I know you've had a tough time, but I can tell you are making some progress.  You're doing great and you'll get there!

 

Hugs,

Schatje

[[Ho...]]

Unfortunately I think it's almost impossible to say...but I am in the same boat as you.  SEVERAL SSRI's from ages 15-18...then took a "break" (and did just fine) for many years.  Then went back on them...and Clonazepam (although I was on this on an "as needed" basis since I was 16 years old, with no issues that I was aware of).  Then off...then on, etc. 

 

I OFTEN wonder if all the years of combined meds affect my recovery time.  I do know that right now at 7 months off I am finally beginning to see some good progress (although tonight is far from a good one...I do get more and more breaks).  I wish we knew how long this would last for each of us - it's by far the most frustrating aspect of it.  But keep believing it will happen...easier said than done, but I've noticed many forum members lately say they are getting better.  That's really encouraging. 

 

All the best, Holly...I know you've had a tough time, but I can tell you are making some progress.  You're doing great and you'll get there!

 

Hugs,

Schatje

 

Thanks Schatje, that's one of my biggest fears too. I just feel so internally and permanently damaged from all the early years of psych drugs. I worry how they affected my development, and if I can ever get back to as I was up to the age of 13. I look back on that time and it's full of such joy and creativity and curiosity, all until the psych drugs came in and robbed me of all of it. I haven't been the same since. I don't know if it's realistic to think that that person can come back.

[[Sc...]]

If it helps at all, I know a woman who was on many  meds for many years and was extremely ill coming off of them (SSRI's, Benzos, Sleeping pills)...and she is 100% fine now...even better than ever.  She said that for her, it took 2 full years to feel 100% better.  The first year was the hardest.  She now feels "free" and handles stress/anxiety better than ever.  I try to remember her story when I feel scared about this process.

 

Hugs,

Schatje

[[...]]

I don't think anyone can really tell...I only took psych meds for 4 months and they almost killed me...I've had akathisia, psychosis, mania, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, anhedonia, etc., etc., etc. on both the drug and in withdrawal...So, my brain is hypersensitive to these poisons.  I think a lot of the recovery depends on how sensitive your brain is and how resilient it is and we truly cannot know that...

 

But I think we'll all get there sooner or later...at least I hope so...I'm missing my old self soo much!

[[Sa...]]

I've been wondering the same thing for myself. I can't really give you a clear cut answer, but I previously traveled 15 months out down the benzo road and felt pretty good. If your healing recovery is anything like mine (seems like it is) then you shall too. Also, I don't see a lot of people posting horror stories after the year mark. Florida guy is a good example among others.

 

We'll get there, and these last months of healing should go by quicker then the earlier months. Thats how it was for me after the year mark. I still felt "sorta" uncomfortable sometimes, but it seemed MUCH better then the first year. I also starting getting full windows after the year mark too.

[[Bi...]]

Holly,

 

Here is my list-

In 1996-

 

Paxil, Zyprexa, Buspar

 

In 1997-

 

Was prescribed meds but didn’t take them. The medications prescribed-

 

Paxil, Buspar

 

In 1998-

 

No meds

 

In 1999-

 

Lithium, Risperdal, Remeron

 

In 2000-

 

Lithium, Risperdal, Remeron

 

In 2001-

 

Lithium, Risperdal, Remeron

 

In 2002-

 

Effexor, Ativan, Zyprexa, Celexa

 

In 2003-

 

Klonopin, Zyprexa, Abilify, Celexa

 

In 2004-

 

Klonopin, Hydrocodone, Tylenol 3

 

In 2005-

 

That march I had stomach problems and was prescribed-

 

Biaxin, Amoxicillin, Pepcid

 

Klonopin, Hydrocodone

 

In 2006-

 

Klonopin, Hydrocodone, Celexa, Ativan, Ritalin, Zyprexa, Prozac

 

In 2007-

 

Stopped Hydrocodone, Prescribed Lithium, Remeron, Klonopin, Tegretol

 

In 2008-

 

Klonopin

 

In 2009-

 

Klonopin, Invega, Celexa

 

In 2010-

 

Valium/Klonopin a short stent

 

In 2011-

 

Prescribed but didn’t take-

 

Doxepin, Topamax, Keppra, Trileptal

 

http://life-lessons.net/2011/12/30/my-medication-list-from-what-i-dug-out-from-medical-files/

 

I also wonder when the month will be, that my healing will take place.

 

Schatje,

 

Do you remember the name of the story, or the person?

 

Billy.

[[No...]]

Age 30 (2005) :

 

SSRI + a z-drug (only a few months) prescribed for relief after stress breakdown

Clonazepam...Guess I should have dropped that one too 

 

Guess I am kind of a virgin.

[[Sc...]]

BillyF, she was never on the forum.  She is a good friend of my neighbour.  My neighbour had a party last summer and my husband and I went to it...I met her there and she shared with me her entire experience.  It was sad, but very uplifting in the end.  She is living life and loving it.