Anyone else at 4-6 months rapid cycling between depression and anxiety?

[[wy...]]

I have been noticing lately that as I get closer to 6 months (I am currently sitting at 5 months) my moods are becoming less stable, but my s/x are still improving very, VERY slowly.

 

It's like I don't really have full blown windows, but I get moments of 'relief' throughout the day. I will feel flushed and really upset and anxious for no reason at all and then a few hours later, I will feel calm and like my s/x will all subside where I can breathe and relax. For the first several months (1-3) it was pretty constantly horrible with occasional 1-2 day full blown windows where it felt like I never even went through withdrawal.

 

Now, it feels like my brain is up and down cycling through the full range of emotions multiple times throughout the day. This has been persisting for the last 2-3 weeks especially this last week.

 

Is anyone else, or has anyone else who is further along past 6 months found this to be the case in the 4-6 month range? I am trying to see how 'normal' my recovery is and if this is a sign of good things to come, since I feel a noticeable shift in my recovery progress.

 

[[pa...]]

Hey Wy!

 

This is happening to me, too. I'm at about 4 1/2 months and I have rapid cycling of lots of things all in one day.  I am also having intrusive memories - mostly good ones - and they make me feel like I'm reliving a part of life - well - not reliving - but more like REALLY remembering certain times in life like they just happened.  I think it's the memory function being pinged at the same time the emotion function is being pinged. So for instance, yesterday, I felt like I did when I used to lay out in the sun in college.  It was like I was just there.  As good as the feeling was, I didn't really enjoy it because the intrusive memories are just weird in general - but then it passed and I was back to real time.  But yes - just up and down like that.  And for me, too - this didn't happen until pretty recently.  I find I go through anxiety - cry - and then feel better - and then head symptoms may start up and then leave - It truly is the epitome of this ---->

 

I too hope it is a sign of healng. I would think it has to be considering it's new and we're moving in that direction.  I think when the brain does find balance -it's a nice feeling- and I guess it's just not 100% able to maintain it yet.  I find now more than ever, I am very impatient with healing - because I'm getting glimpses of what good can feel like again. Here's to hoping it continues to get better and better.

 

:)Parker

[[WT...]]

I too experience this lately, but I'm coming up on 7 months.  My shifts are intense!

[[WT...]]

Hey Wy!

 

This is happening to me, too. I'm at about 4 1/2 months and I have rapid cycling of lots of things all in one day.  I am also having intrusive memories - mostly good ones - and they make me feel like I'm reliving a part of life - well - not reliving - but more like REALLY remembering certain times in life like they just happened.  I think it's the memory function being pinged at the same time the emotion function is being pinged. So for instance, yesterday, I felt like I did when I used to lay out in the sun in college.  It was like I was just there.

 

 

 

:)Parker

 

I've had this in very intense for throughout my w/d.  Yesterday, I was in the 4th grade again, and when I looked at my body, it was as though it was young again.  I always feel so disturbed, but I think it's just the organic fear and anxiety that make it a bad trip so to speak.  If it weren't for these aforementioned maladies, I would probably somewhat be able to tolerate the intrusive (psychedelic) type intrusive memory trips. 

 

 

[[wy...]]

I don't have the feelings of going back in time you describe, but I do have the intrusive memories, except mine are mostly negative. Like I will smell the scent of winter outside and it will take me back to being in middle school or something but the memory will be tainted and not feeling as good as it once did. It's strange. I sort of feel like my emotions and everything are ALL over the place. The best way I can describe it is 'unstable.' It's just so chaotic.

 

I hope it's a sign of healing. I really do.

[[re...]]

I had this too. I would cycle through emotions in a  few minutes at times. I thought I was mentally ill. It passes eventually. It is very uncomfortable to not be in control of your emotions. I called people and talked and did my best to distract. Hang in there.

 

[[wy...]]

I find I am also getting extremely impatient, too, Parker. Like I feel as if I am on the verge of healing, and the closer I get, the more my s/x rev back up. I wish I could get a handle on it.

[[pa...]]

I also notice at this time that caffeine is starting to affect me. Even like 3 sips of coffee will rev me. Earlier in withdrawal, I guess everything was so bad it didn't much matter or make a difference.  Coffee or not - I couldn't tell.  Now - I can be feeling fine and have a few sips and I guess it goes straight to the CNS.  I also consider this progress in healing.  Basically, I think just the fact that our CNS's are so sensitive is a sign that they are trying to get it straight and trying to find balance.  The ups and downs are better than just the downs!  I have to think these are all good signs.

Also - I'm about 2 weeks prior to my period and I notice that as soon as I hit this point, progesterone (which acts on GABAa receptors) kicks in and the internal shaking completely stops. It's heaven.  That is also progress - as a few months ago, this time period in my cycle didn't really offer me any relief in symptoms. Now I notice the subtle effects of progesterone as beneficial to symptoms.  I have to think this will continue to improve in time...

One day at a time. I'm not very patient. That's an understatement. But I guess I don't have much choice!