Trapped

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Thanks BB for all the good advice. Unfortunately, about six months ago I got some bad advice. My therapist referred me to a so-called "benzo expert," who has written several books on the subject. At that time I was dependent taking a self-prescribed dose, 10-15 mg every week or two or whenever the withdrawals would catch up with me. She said that maybe I was chronically anxious and that I would benefit from a lifetime regimen of low dose benzos. I bit off on that and started taking 2mg a day with sporadic mega doses (none of which gave me any sense of relief or high). I've spoken with my prescribing doctor and counselor, and now I'm really in the trap, currently taking 2.5 mg daily on a very slow taper. I definitely become symptomatic from time to time, but it's not the end of the world--though I fear it may be. This is the tail end of what's been a thirty year off and on relationship with benzos. I always thought I could jump out of the way just before they would catch me, that I could control it. Now I feel trapped and pray that I can get through this without falling off the deep end. The not surprising irony here, is that I was a detox counselor for six years at a major metropolitan hospital that did rapid benzo detoxes, and I have 22 years of alcohol sobriety. I feel stupid, but the benzos made me feel good, like nothing else I could turn to. Alcohol is off the table, so it's just me and life, and sometimes I just want to cut back a little on the intensity of life, as good as it generally is. Sometimes it is too good, if you know what I mean. I fear that the benzo withdrawal will throw me into a deep depression. Thanks for listening.

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I think we all feel trapped by this insidious drug, which in my opinion should be banned. I have picked up horrendous symptoms trying to quit this stuff and currently have no life. I would make the most of what you have!

 

Take care

 

B

[Guest [Pf...]]

Are you on 2.5 mg of valium?

 

That is not a huge amount to taper off of.  I'm not saying that it will be easy, just that even if you go very slow, you can get off in a few months or sooner.

 

Occassional mega doses to relieve anxiety are not a good idea, especially if you are trying to get off of benzos.  During taper I used to use small rescue doses, and also would drink in moderation.  Both got in the way of my recovery.  Benzos are probably good for occassional use (very occassional -- e.g. a once a year trip to the eye doctor for someone who is terrified of it), but not for someone who is trying to get off.

 

So one thing to do to try to get out of the trap is to accept that you will have to avoid the occassional extra doses.  This is not a medical opinion, but it sounds like you were simply deciding that that would work for you, not following medical advice.  Especially if what you are dealing with is anxiety, even severe, as opposed to physical symptoms, there probably are some techniques you can use to help manage those symptoms.