Past 9 months and things getting bad again?

[[...]]

Very frustrated today, as the morning anxiety is getting worse; I even experienced fear this morning along with it, something I've never had throughout this experience.  My 8th month was by far the best for me, although I still had many symptoms, I just felt better overall.  Since then I've seen a slow decline and the past few days have been very tough.  I've also lost a significant amount of muscle, especially in my feet, ankles, hands, forearms and face.  Not that anything we are going through is normal, but is it normal in w/d to have worsening symptoms this far out?  I guess I just needed to vent this morning.

[[me...]]

Is it mostly psychological symptoms? Because sometimes anxiety does exist outside of withdrawal. In general when it pops up after months like that there's a chance it could indeed be an underlying issue.

[[...]]

I never had issues with anxiety until I started taking Zolpidem for some minor insomnia back in late 2010.  I took Zolpidem off and on for two months and started experiencing some minor anxiety (I also c/t'd a lifelong caffeine habit during the same time); it never presented as morning anxiety.  A psychiatrist assured me that the anxiety was due to one or the other.  My doc put me on Lorazepam before I could get in to see the Psychiatrist (one month after doc gave me Lorazepam).

[[Cr...]]

Hi Rico, I have been having similar issues as of late.

 

I am almost 13 months out, about 10 months if you count the 1 week reinstatement.  I have noticed that things seem to gradually(matter of weeks) get worse until a pinnacle is reached and then they quickly(matter of days) get really bad.  That is how waves have been for me ever since August. 

 

We go from thinking we have finally made substantial progress to feeling like we have begun to slip backwards.  My morning issues haven't been too bad lately, but now I am now getting nighttime problems.  Not only do I not sleep so well anymore, but quite often I am having physical/mental anxiety as I try to fall asleep, something that had not plagued me too much in the first 8 months or so of withdrawal.  Some nights are better than others, but what used to be a time of relief and escape is now a time of frustration.

 

It is very disheartening to be this far out and still have such a strong emergence of symptoms, especially after a decent period of relief.  However, this is not unusual... just unpleasant.  I am sure you will once again feel like you did in month 8, if not better, if you give it more time.

 

 

[[...]]

So sorry about the fear. I know it is just awful

 

[[An...]]

Rico

 

I have had the fear as well.

 

For those of us who have never suffered from anxiety before, I think this morning anxiety is peculiar to withdrawals and will eventually go.

 

I try to get out of bed as soon as I wake up and I find it wears off within an hour or so.

 

I hate it too. 

 

But it should pass.

 

Keep in touch with me by PM if you want to check progress as we are similar times off.

 

Angel

[[...]]

Sorry to hear that things haven't been great for you either, Crono.  I can't imagine not having some relief in the evenings.  Congrats on being off for 13 months; I'd expect things will improve for you soon.  I know that I need to be patient, but I've never been very good at that.  Angel, I've always noticed that our off dates are similar and I'll do my best to keep in touch with you via the boards.  I appreciate reading your updates as well.

[[...]]

Is it mostly psychological symptoms? Because sometimes anxiety does exist outside of withdrawal. In general when it pops up after months like that there's a chance it could indeed be an underlying issue.

I don't think waking up in fear with a pounding heart is normal for anyone, no matter how bad their anxiety is. That definitely sounds like withdrawal.

[[Li...]]

Hello Rico,

 

I am sorry to hear that your 9 month mark is turning in the wrong direction. Is there something going on in your life that is triggering the anxiety? Are you worried about or suppressing something that you need to resolve? Our CNS is still so very delicate at 9 months out that drama and excitement could still spark anxiety overloads...

 

When you look back at where you were at the start of this mess and compare it to where you are now, do you have a reason to celebrate?

 

Take care,

 

Lida

[[...]]

Hi Lida - Haven't seen you around in a while, hope you are feeling well - would like to hear how things are for you lately.  No issues to address, just regular life, something that never gave me any trouble whatsoever prior to this mess.  I have seen some improvements and I've documented all the symptoms that have come and gone, unfortunately there are still many that have yet to leave the party, the biggest being anxiety.

[[...]]

Is it mostly psychological symptoms? Because sometimes anxiety does exist outside of withdrawal. In general when it pops up after months like that there's a chance it could indeed be an underlying issue.

I don't think waking up in fear with a pounding heart is normal for anyone, no matter how bad their anxiety is. That definitely sounds like withdrawal.

agree completely with Trig!

[[An...]]

My anxiety today is off the wall.  I must have had 4 or 5 bouts of anxiety today.  Am having one right now this evening which is unusual.

 

I think it really must be withdrawals me and some suffer from anxiety more than others.

 

Let´s hope we both have better days tomorrow.

 

Angel

[[...]]

Maybe me bringing up this subject caused your anxiety to flare a bit today, Angel.  Here's to a better tomorrow!

[[An...]]

Not at all Rico!  I think I posted a thread with a query on the cortisol earlier than you posted yours today.  I didn't go into detail about the anxiety.

 

You are not alone.

 

Tomorrow is another day.

 

Angel

[[Sa...]]

Hi Rico

 

My month 8 seemed better then my month 9 so far.  Yesterday and today I've felt really off. Like I can't get comfortable, and nothing seems to relax or calm me.  I seem to be having an enormous amount of cog-fog and nerve pain the last few days as well.  Sometimes it's really hard for me to tell if I'm in a window or a wave or baseline. Usually the only way to tell is when I fall into a wave and feel like complete crap. My previous c/t I made it out to a few months over a year, and when I was in a window it was a night and day difference.  I felt great and almost healed. I feel like from previous experience that I(hopefully you too) will be seeing noticeable improvements after the year mark. Only a few more months of missery

[Guest [Pf...]]

I'm at 9.5 months off.  Things were pretty good at 8 months and through most of the 8th month.  I would say that about a week before I hit the 9th month I started getting uncomfortable muscle tightness and it has been that way most of the time since.  I hope this is just a temporary setback and not foreshadowing a long-term problem or trend

[[...]]

Sam, the past month has been like that for me in that I just cannot get comfortable.  I don't feel all that bad (with the exception of mornings); however, I've never been able to totally relax during my entire w/d but idle time was more tolerable just over a month ago.  Sounds like you have been through this before - you mentioned that you almost healed?

[[Sa...]]

Rico-

 

Yes I was almost completely healed.  I believe I was roughly 14 to 15 months out.  I took 2 doses of ativan, during 2 consecutive days, which put me back to square one.  I went from feeling really good and enjoying my life again to feeling the harsh pains of acute withdrawal.  That was 8.5 months ago, and here I sit.  This is the danger with rescue doses that people fail to realize, and usually is the case for withdrawing off anything, that If a few doses are taken, you run the risk of resetting withdrawal in the brain. I didn't understand this concept before, but I do now from this experience. It feels like I've been withdrawing most of my life sometimes...

[[...]]

Sam, I'm sure you have posted that info before, I simply must have missed it.  Really sorry to hear that - these drugs are just awful.  I know they work for some people, many of which have little to no w/d.  I wish I could truly understand why others (like us) take so long to heal.  Very frustrating.  Well, the fact that you were almost healed leads me to believe you will get there again.

[[Sa...]]

Thank you Rico for the reassurance. This is a really hard process, especially when you have to go through it twice.  Whats more horrible in my opinion is tolerance withdrawal. The idea that someone could be feeling like crap for years, sometimes many years, because they're stock in tolerance and the doctors say nothing is wrong, and that it's all in their head. This didn't happen to me, but I have the utmost condolence for the people suffering from it.

 

Hopefully I will get there like I did last time. Hopefully you will to.  We're at the stage in the game now where we should start to see noticeable improvements soon.

 

-Sam

[[Li...]]

Hi Rico,

 

I sign on to check messages from time to time and respond to some of the more desperate "Introductions" (giving back). I am doing very well...I would say 95% healed. I had some night time anxiety a couple of weeks ago where I would wake up vibrating after falling asleep for an hour or so. I did not freak out because I had the experience early on in withdrawal. I allowed the anxiety to run its course for a few nights before it went away.

 

Insomnia creeps up once or twice during the week but I think it is more of the organic kind...nothing like the early stages of withdrawals.

 

I know I am nearing my complete healing because I am no longer angry with the doctors that prescribed the medications. I can now find the upside to this mess and I harbor no more resentment and frustration. I can actually appreciate the journey because there was a time I would take diet pills, over the counter meds, and cold medicines without a thought (never street drugs). Now, I totally respect drugs and understand the importance of resolving matters naturally. I have come a long way and I am so glad that I did.

 

Take care,

 

Lida

[[Sh...]]

I had this fear bad and still do get it... its disgusting but must say it has calmed a lil and I'm at 13 months off..This w/d stuff is very weird and scary up and down... I am still very sick this far out and can't tell whats getting better but have to believe something is cuz at times I feel like things are getting better then pow they get worse if that makes any sense.. I have a newer s/x tinnitus that i used to get every now and then but lately seems so strong and steady especially at night and morning... d/r d/r is one of my worst s/x i still live with everyday its just that it goes from bad to almost intolerable at times... Fatigue is at its worst n a lot opt pain i never had... i hope I'm not discouraging anyone exposing how i feel so far out but my situation I think is very complicated and a lil different... I have been diagnosed with lyme disease back in sept and don't know which is which being they are so similar...I have Also been on benzos for 20 yrs and  I believe the longer on the drug the more damage it has done and longer it will take to heal... Hope for better days and keep all of you in my prayers.... Shan