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question about anhedonia


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Hi all!

 

I have a question on anhedonia (emotional flatness). I am one of those who loved too much and devoted my life to my family. During my whole w/d ordeal anhedonia comes and goes...there are moments when I cannot access my feelings of love for my family which makes me want to die really...but even with many other symptoms present I had two weeks where my feelings of love for my family were almost back 100%...now I am emotionally flat again and hate it!  I have read that some people stay emotionally flat for long periods of time in w/d...and that would devastate me...

 

But the fact that it comes and goes for me I hope means that it is not going away completely, right? I am so afraid of this symptom...I am no one without love, no one... :(

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Hi Mmir

 

I suffer from anhedonia as well, big time.

 

The difference between who I am on the inside, and the layer of indifference this beast has laid upon me is devastating. I am about to become a father, and many days I could not care less. On the inside I loooove kids, and the opportunity to nurture soothes my soul, but most days I just cannot feel it.

 

The good thing though, you just had two weeks where it lifted a bit. Look upon the anhedonia as a layer, a layer that has been put upon you, that covers up who you really are, but when it lifts you get a peak at who you will be again after you have won this battle. We feed from our emotions, and without them we forget who we really are. Just remember that the layer is not you, it is something upon you that tells you lies.

 

Every day that goes by (benzo free) you peel off just a little more layer, until you get underneath where all your emotions are hidden. 

 

 

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Your sig line say's it all. "IT'S THE MEDS, NOT ME!"

 

Congrats too!!!!!!!

 

Maybe the child birth will trigger euphoria that comes with being a new daddy,, and stay.

 

Since my nest emptied I've tried to get mum to have 5 or 6 more,,,,,it's a no go..  I can rent the grandkids any time I want though.. WHOO HOO! It's a blast. And I'm going to have another one soon.

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Thanks Noolie! I need to feel love...I was always a very sensitive person (in the good sense of the word) and without love I am nothing... But like you said, it is all underneath somewhere...just have to wait for it to peel back.

 

Thanks smoke! Kids are the best gifts from God! If I ever become me again I would like to have another...if it is not too late...I am getting old!

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Your sig line say's it all. "IT'S THE MEDS, NOT ME!"

 

Congrats too!!!!!!!

 

Maybe the child birth will trigger euphoria that comes with being a new daddy,, and stay.

 

Since my nest emptied I've tried to get mum to have 5 or 6 more,,,,,it's a no go..  I can rent the grandkids any time I want though.. WHOO HOO! It's a blast. And I'm going to have another one soon.

 

OOPS,, I forgot to address the congrats to Noolie.  It's my benzo brain. Plus, I never was real smart. Mom swears she only dropped me on my head once. The rest of the damage was self inflicted.

 

 

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I believe this has a lot to do with cog/fog or mild d/r- what you are describing. I had it too - and it is awful - but it's lifting now for me.  The brain is just on overdrive and can't feel much of anything because of the inability to counteract the glutamate overexcitability that is occurng for the lack of GABA to counter it.  Hang in there - as GABA heals this will start to come back into balance. I really believe it will be sooner than you think!

;)Parker

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Thanks parker! Well cog fog and DR and anhedonia were all lifting for me...but now anhedonia is back (even without having cog fog and DR). I think the 3 symptoms can come and go together but not necessarily...I hope you are right and that things will soon improve ;)
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I have had anhedonia since probably before I started my taper. When I go into a big window the feelings flood back in but aside from that my emotions were flatlined the entire year of 2011. Later in the year I started getting bursts of negative emotions but I considered that a good thing. ANYTHING that showed I was waking up couldn't be bad.

 

Now I am closing in on 14 months and it's hard to tell where I stand with the emotions. Since I don't have a lot of fluctuations it would seem that I'm still in pretty deep but I am feeling so much better overall I think that could just be me reacting positively, so it would seem to me that this is getting better.

 

I would consider the fact that it comes and goes a good thing. For me it was flat all the way through.

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Thanks for your reply FloridaGuy! Like I said, for me, it comes and goes.  The anhedonia was almost completely gone a few weeks ago, but now it's back :( I force myself to look at pictures of things/people I used to like/love and try to take some time each day to work on my arts and crafts which is something I used to love, but the joy/love is not there completely...

 

One question for you FloridaGuy, do you have derealization and cog fog too?  I find that these three symptoms tend to fluctuate together...my DR and cog fog are going down and so was anhedonia, but now anhedonia is back...

 

Sorry if anyone finds the comparison offensive but for me it's like an orgasm that never gets to be...like the feelings are almost there under the surface but never completely reach the surface...

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One question for you FloridaGuy, do you have derealization and cog fog too?  I find that these three symptoms tend to fluctuate together...my DR and cog fog are going down and so was anhedonia, but now anhedonia is back...

 

Oh yea. The cog fog, dp/dr, lack of motivation and anhedonia were my most stubborn symptoms. And yes, they do go together for the most part.

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