Don't you just know that you're going to have a long recovery?

[[...]]

I am usually a glass half empty kind of girl, I have to admit it...but I also have a very strong feeling that my recovery is going to take a long time...probably protracted...

 

Just based on how badly and immediately I reacted to all meds I was given...I feel as crappy now at 2.5 months (really closer to 4.5 months off since I was on a tiny tiny 5% dose for 2 months) as I did the first month...in many ways worse...

 

I have some of the worse symptoms which come and go (anhedonia, intrusive thoughts, DR, mania, anxiety, terror, rage, and gulp---even some psychosis every now and then)...some of the symptoms that I thought were leaving me seem to be coming back and I feel back to square one...my CNS feels SO RAW I just do not see how it's going to put itself back together...I am so disappointed

 

[[Fl...]]

A couple of months ago I was thinking the same thing. I was counting on taking at least 2 years to get through this. I am still prepared for it to take that long if it does go that route, but these days I am a little more optimistic about being recovered by the 18 month mark or even sooner. No way to know for sure but I have seen some pretty good progress over the past month and a half and it looks to be holding out. Between the depressing reality of the situation and the benzo brain it's easy to get caught up in thinking worst case scenario but try to keep some faith.

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks FloridaGuy!  I know people can turn a corner overnight but every time I seem to find my corner I end up making a "U-turn"   I've had semi-windows in bursts (a few hours every other day for a week for example) but the improvements do not stick... 

 

I try very hard to be optimistic but days like today where the 2 symptoms that I thought had left me are back I loose my hopes

 

(Yes, that's 3 sad faces in a single posting <---Make it 4)

[[Fl...]]

You are very early. When I was 2-3 months off I had resolved myself to the possibility of anything and everything bad happening to me. I wouldn't have done anything to harm myself but I was perfectly ok with whatever was going to happen to me, including death. It was the only way I could cope with the severe negative thoughts.

 

Then I hit 4 months off and things got a little better. Then at 5 months off things really improved. In retrospect I was still very sick but it was a huge improvement from where I was.

[[re...]]

MMIR

 

I am in the same boat with you. At 8 months out I am pretty sure I am looking at 2 years. I feel horrible and the mental stuff is intense.

 

I hope we both heal faster than we think.

Keep us posted.

 

[[...]]

I hear you RFB! My husband thinks I'm being negative and that it may get better sooner than later...but this is one of those things where my gut feeling is telling me to buckle up and get ready for a long ride...

 

FloridaGuy, I felt like maybe 20-30% healed a while back, but now I feel closer to 0 again TOUGH STUFF!

[[Pa...]]

Hi mmir,

 

This is a frustrating journey, that's for sure.  Last week, I had a bad cold, and even though it's been years since I went through benzo withdrawal, I marveled at how my cold was taking it's natural progression.  I felt bad, then a little worse, then slowly I started feeling better.  With benzo's, nothing makes sense and we seem to keep getting worse, never seeing any progress.  It comes though, the day will come when you'll know you've made it through.

 

Pam

[[...]]

Thanks Pam!  It's strange because I thought I was turning that corner but this wave is of planetary proportions...I feel much worse than at the beginning of the journey...I'm so glad to hear from those who have healed and are living a normal life.  Thank you!

[[su...]]

Mmir,

 

I'm only a little farther out than you and am in the same boat as well.  Had a setback this week after starting to wean off a med I am unable to tolerate.  After I was put on it to cope with some bad sx and had it help.  :'( 

 

I am normally a glass half-full person but I want to be realistic, especially for the people in my life.  I can't have anyone expecting me to go camping this spring! 

 

You taught me a new word for one of my sx tonight - anhedonia.  So... thanks?   

 

Keep in touch, we can get through it together.