Just need to rant

[[ho...]]

This is so hard.

I am trying to be positive

I am trying to be grateful for what I do have.

  *&(*&^%^

I want my life back.

I am so tired of this.  It isn't living --- is it even existing? 

I am so done with this.

Wave?  Waves used to be fun... ocean, remember, nice times.  Fun playing in the waves. 

Now it is torture.  I don't know what to expect, when/what will happen to me next. 

I do my F&^%ing affirmations and positive thoughts.  It doesn't matter...... BAM - hit  ....  This is BS!!!!!

All because of a little white pill that was supposed to help me??  WTF.

 

I guess I'm going through an anger phase.  Sorry to rant.  Need to......  have to put on a positive face for my real world.  Hubby is too getting worn down.  I don't know how much longer I can do this. 

I was feeling so much better the past two weeks.  more good days than bad and then HIT.  this is day 3 of this wave. 

 

God Bless Us All.    This is so hard.

[[en...]]

It is hard. I am tapering and still have problems. I am having a bad morning. I can't say i have good days and bad days...I have good hours and bad hours.

 

Hang in there and may the force be with you.

 

endeavor to persevere

[[...]]

Hi hope,

 

This is a good place to rant.  We have all been there, and totally understand.

 

I can laugh about this now, but when i was into the third month of going c/t, one night with no warning, i was hit with benzo rage.  I started throwing whatever i could get my hands, from my kitchen, down into the basement.

 

Frying pans, pizza pans, sauce pans, some dishes, you name it, down it went..

 

My poor dog went and hid under the bed.  He knew this wasn't the 'real' me.  He had always seen me as very even- tempered, and composed.

 

Believe when i say to you that it does really end.  You will get your life back.

 

the best to you

 

pj

 

 

[[ho...]]

Hi hope,

 

This is a good place to rant.  We have all been there, and totally understand.

 

I can laugh about this now, but when i was into the third month of going c/t, one night with no warning, i was hit with benzo rage.  I started throwing whatever i could get my hands, from my kitchen, down into the basement.

 

Frying pans, pizza pans, sauce pans, some dishes, you name it, down it went..

 

My poor dog went and hid under the bed.  He knew this wasn't the 'real' me.  He had always seen me as very even- tempered, and composed.

 

Believe when i say to you that it does really end.  You will get your life back.

 

the best to you

 

pj

 

 

 

Oh My God PJ......    I am holding myself back from doing just that.  I can see myself picking up each item around me and smashing it.  Only thing that stops me is the reality that I will have to clean it up

 

 

[[...]]

Hi hope,

 

This is a good place to rant.  We have all been there, and totally understand.

 

I can laugh about this now, but when i was into the third month of going c/t, one night with no warning, i was hit with benzo rage.  I started throwing whatever i could get my hands, from my kitchen, down into the basement.

 

Frying pans, pizza pans, sauce pans, some dishes, you name it, down it went..

 

My poor dog went and hid under the bed.  He knew this wasn't the 'real' me.  He had always seen me as very even- tempered, and composed.

 

Believe when i say to you that it does really end.  You will get your life back.

 

the best to you

 

 

pj

 

 

 

Oh My God PJ......    I am holding myself back from doing just that.  I can see myself picking up each item around me and smashing it.  Only thing that stops me is the reality that I will have to clean it up

 

And what a mess it was!  I could not believe that a  tiny pill like Aivan could cause me to do what i did.     There is nothing that would ever make me take another benzo!