12 day detox off Ativan.. now going through HELL-o@@@

[[be...]]

ARRRRRGGGGGHHH.... I just don't know what to do...... let me explain a simple overview of me..

I  have had anxiety/panic disorder since I was 11... been taking benzos on and off since that age, but not really heavily until the last year or so...

 

started to have inter-dose withdrawal,,, memory and cognition problems, and feeling depressed and lazy, so I decided i needed to get off the benzos...... i wanted to do it 'safely' so i went to a 'rehab',,, and ended up with a 12 day klonopin taper to wean off my 4 mg a day ativan habit.....

 

my last day of the taper was when i was at rehab, on jan 27...........................i took no benzo until....... today..... gulp.. yep i gave in.....  I had NO sleep last night,,, my thoughts were racing, my heart was pounding, and I thought i was gonna die... I kept feeling dizzy and having hot flashes, so i popped that little 1 mg sublingual ativan,,,, and the calm washed over me, temporarily................................... about 6 hours later, i feel extremely HOT, like I can't feel cool and comfortable, and i'm paranoid i'm having SEROTONIN syndrome or something, id unno..

sorry my post is so jumbled.. I am normally more articulate..................... as per my moniker, i am an RN, and know the dangers of these meds, but was convinced by my doc that they were needed for my panic disorder......................................    however, i didn't like feeling 'foggy' and depressed due to the benzos, and i didn't like that i was getting tolerant...

 

my question is, what can i do now???          i broke down and took a benzo this morning and i just toook one an hour ago... . I can't stand the internal shaking, tremors, obsessive thoughts, and nervous stomach................... PLEASE oh PLEASE somebody tell me it gets better???

I 'm not able to function at work,, I can barely take care of my kids..................... i want to be benzo-free,,,,, but I can't handle this extreme anxiety....

 

I"ve prayed to God, I've tried deep breathing, walking, meditating,,,,,, but i just can't shake these horrible symptoms.......... my boyfriend is not sympathetic, neither are the people at work... nobody believes that withdrawal symptoms can happen this far out.

 

Should I reinstate and do a slow taper,,,,,,, and maybe think of switching to buspar or vistaril to manage my panic disorder????/ i want as little amount of 'chemicals' in my body as possible........

any herbal remedies, supplements that are good for sleep, relaxation, and mood boosting?  St john's wort, 5 HTP, melatonin????/  Any help will be tremendously appreciated guys!  I want to be able to LIVE again and function as a nurse, and as a MOMMY..........  how can I stop being such a hypochondriac and freaking out over body symptoms and causing more panic?              GRRRRRRRRR...... i hate my brain/body sometimes.....  sorry for rambling, all!!!!!

[[Pa...]]

I don't know what advice I can give you, I hope others will chime in. You've definitely come

to the right place, there are some very knowledgable people here. I hope you find some relief in knowing you're not alone. I imagine the general consensus will be to reinstate and cross certo Valium and taper according to the Ashton method.

[[fl...]]

I tried c/t too and was in hell for 5 days before reinstating and starting a slow taper. Everyone is different, but generally speaking a c/t of benzos is sort of a shock to the system and can be dangerous. I'm sure that others will be along soon with their thoughts and experiences regarding c/t vs reinstating. Whatever you decide I hope that you feel better soon, just remember it will get better.

 

Jeff M.

[[Co...]]

Hi, Im a fellow detoxer...thought it would be safe and humane. That I would be in good hands, cause Im an RN too...trusted the medical community...Im 23 months off and still not healed..no taper for me ct with three days of subox for the morphine, anticonvulsants for 3 days( two anticonvulsants) and zyprexa for 5 days and home on nothing. Im not healed yet and Im angry. Go back on and taper...detox is very risky you could go protracted like me. Dont mean to scare you but you need to know.

[[be...]]

Wow!!  I didn't expect replies so fast, you guys are great!!!!  

Colleen,,,, it's encouraging to me to know that I"m  not the only nurse here that has dealt with this issue..

Ironically, I work at a drug rehab, and we give a 10 day phenobarbital taper to our benzo clients..... yeah, the goal is to prevent seizures, but does it really help with long term benzo withdrawal??  i mean, this stuff sucks!!!!      heroin addicts come in, get detoxed, and feel better in a couple days or weeks, but the benzo peeps keep suffering!!!!

 

so , anyway, I went to a different rehab to do my 'detox', so i could be monitored for seizures and adverse effects... Strangely, I didn't have many symptoms during the rapid 12 day detox (but i also used vistaril for anxiety and remeron to sleep while at the facility),  but now that i've been home for 2 weeks, the symptoms are bad!!!      Coincidentally,,, I've been on 20 mg prozac for only 3 weeks now,, soo......... hard to decipher if my symptoms are benzo withdrawal,,, or prozac side effects??

 

I have NOOOOO appetite,, have lost weight,,, h ave hot flashes,, constant tension and feeling anxious,, belly pains, headaches.............    I"im about ready to throw in the towel with the prozac,,,,, and maybe try to reinstate to a valium taper,,,,,,, and ultimately use vistaril or herbal rememdies to manage my UNDERLYING panic disorder.............. the benzos took that away for awhile, but sadly, the anxiety is back and I need to figure out the best way to manage my lilfelong panic disorder (  had it since age 11, and i'm 31 now.....)        it doesn't help that I have 4 kids who needs me (age 10, 7, 3, and 2!) 

 

I want to wake up, eager to enjoy life,,,, not feeling anxious and like i need to hide inside all day.... I want to get up wtih my kids, take them to the parks, have fun with them... but this situation is ruining all that!  this withdrawal/panic disorder/prozac side effects... whateVER it is,,,, is ruining my life!!! 

Please, God up in Heaven,,,,, I want to be healed... to wake up without panicking,,, to go outside and feel the sun on my face, feel calm, and content,, and not be such a hypochondriac......

My patients need a nurse that isn't on the verge of passing out every day at work from excess anxiety or dizziness~~

[[Co...]]

Hi again, no you arent the only RN here...unfortunately lots of us here...I think cause we are too comfortable with meds. Id think about reinstating, you are still in the timeframe for a good out come. The best way to stay functional is tapering. Good luck in whatever you decide. 

[[li...]]

BenzofreeRN,

 

I had the same sxs from my cold turkey from Klonopin.  I also thought I might be having Serotonin Syndrome.  It was actually LOW GABA from me dropping my Klonopin.  Most people don't understand how long symptoms can come about with these benzos.  I also beat myself up over reinstating on my original amount of my benzo.  This, over being at that amount for a few months, then slowly tapering, made me feel better.

 

You will make the right decision.  I learned for me, that after I sporadically took my klonpin (not knowing that I should not do this), then did a rapid taper, that my liver did not keep my klonopin in my system as long as it used to.  I don't think that most docs understand that this is part of what happens with a benzo.  You may be dealing with this too.

 

Don't feel bad for taking your benzo.  You're trying to feel better and live your life.

 

Good luck!

Lisa67

[[Be...]]

Hi BenzoFreeRN.

 

I really don't know what to advise about reinstating.  Prof Ashton advised against it in her 2011 update to the Ashton Manual but know we have had members who've been through detox programs and ended up reinstating.  I'm afraid I don't remember if they reported tapering off later on.  However, I did want to encourage you to work on self-calming techniques regardless of what you decide to do about reinstating.  After nearly 20 years of relying on benzos to "manage" my anxiety, I had to try a lot of different things before I found what worked best for me and in what situations.  There are a number of good suggestions on this thread on the Anxiety Board:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=13001.msg180729#msg180729

 

Here's one post from within that thread that seemed effective, too:

 

"Hi - I have a method that my therapist gave me....seems to work (at least when I'm not so panicked that i forget to use it..lol)

 

Here are the steps during an anxious episode (you do them simultaneously):

1.curl all ten toes downward into shoe or on floor

2. turn palms upward

3. gently place tongue between teeth

4. turn your head to either left or right and hold to that side

5. breath your deep breaths

6. envision a relaxing thought

 

Usually within 4 breaths or so I can get a yawn out which means I've broken the anxiety....yawning is a good sign if you're panicking."

 

I know things are difficult now but they can be much, much better.  You can have the life you want; it's just a matter of time. 

 

[[Ti...]]

Hi BenzoFreeRN,

 

I was also c/t'd in detox as I didn't know any better, I was on 0.5 mg at night before bed. 

 

Rapid or c/t at a detox centers should not be allowed IMHO! 

 

I had no idea what was to come.  I wish I would have known about tapering I would have done so

as I have no idea how long the withdrawals are going to last for me.  I am 5 months out and still

very ill and unable to do much of anything.  I was also put on Seroquel 12.5 mg at night before

bed (not advised) to manager the crazy amount of w/d sxs I was having. They were very painful

and frightening.

 

As far as suppliments and herbs, be very very careful.  A great many people have problems with them.

Especially ones that work off of Gaba like Valarian, Kava Kava, Passion Flower, 5htp, Melatonin.  Some

people have good luck with Unisom or Benedryl.  Also Z-drugs such as Ambien and Lunesta are no good...

they are essentially 1/2 benzo and are what really sent me into major w/d sxs after getting home from detox.

 

Good to use the search function here on BB to see what people say about the things you may want to

take for anxiety or sleep etc. that's how I learned. 

 

I hope this helps.

 

I wish you the best with what you decided to do.

 

 

Tink

[[be...]]

Here I am, six a. m..... unable to sleep...   the ativan i took at 10 pm last night or so, isn't holding  me llike it used to.......... this is a terrible feeling.......... perhaps I do need to reinstate....... but i  don't know to what amount?  and how can i convince my doc to give me VALIUM? especially after she knew i went to a rehab to detox.......

 

i just want to sleep normally, stop suffering, and stop feeling the early morning anxiety..

 

And, thanks for your replies and tips so far!!!!  it IS a big help to know I'm not alone..... Thanks everyone!!!

 

[[Fl...]]

Hi BFRN,

 

So sorry for what you're going through. It's such a shame. You were probably trained that these drugs have addictive properties, but had no idea how bad they truly were.  That's how most doctors feel or think. It's so heartbreaking.

 

I can't add much to the good advice you've been given. You essential have reinstated if youre taking Ativan daily. Now the question is whether to taper off Ativan or cross over to Valium.  Your doctor is going to have to know because he/she will eventually need to re-subscribe. Best to be honest and ask for help.

 

 

I did a 11 day detox, too. I came out drug free, too.  By that afternoon I started hallucinating and by the next morning I was in full blown psychosis.  The detox was a waste of time and resources. It just doesnt work for benzos. Eventually, that will be common knowledge.  It's not our fault it didn't work.

 

One thing you may explore when you feel well enough - the childhood anxiety reminds me of celiac disease.  This intolerance to the protein found in some grains can make you feel very anxious.  Here is a website. 

 

Celiac.com

 

I urge you to talk to your doctor. You have children and for their sake, you need to be functional.

Good luck to you, 

flip

 

 

[[of...]]

Hey there,  I too detoxed off of my last 20 mgs of valium.  See my sig line.

 

Its hard for any of us to say what you should do.  The pain and confusion that occurs after jumping off these drugs is pretty horrible.

 

My thought it, that if you are going to reinstate it will take time for you to figure out how much you will need.  Ativan is probably not the best choice at this point, and sadly any relief you get from ativan will be very temporary.  Valium as you mentioned is probably you best choice , if not that then klonopin.  To proceed with reinstatement , the best way to go is to add the equivalent of 2.5 to 5 mgs of valium at a time til you feel some relief.  The one issue you will face is that firstly your body is already pretty compromised and secondly which ever benzo you choose will take some time to build up in your system.  Any way you slice it , it will be painful. 

 

On top of all of that , having children to raise and having to work is a ton of added pressure.  When I was off I had no responsibilities other than taking care of myself.  If I had been in your position I probably would have not detoxed, but like you I probably would not have figured that out til it was done.  We become very compromised getting off benzos,  the goal here is probably to try and stay as functional as possible and try to manage suffering as much as you can, the only way to do that is to do a very slow and managed taper.  Reinstatement can be tricky business,  if I were facing what you are now I would probably reinstate to the lowest dose possible, try to get stable , and then proceed cutting at a very conservative rate so that I could continue working and taking care of my children.  Also it might be a good idea to try and find a more supportive doctor.  I am not advocating here,  I am just sharing how I  would handle things if I were in this situation.

 

I am so sorry for all of your suffering,  slamming off benzos is very very painful.  Keep coming here for support and keep us posted on your decision.

 

Feel better soon,  much love to you zoe

 

PS  if you decide to stay off, there are plenty of us here who are willing to support you through that as well.  We have been there.  xo

[[Im...]]

So sorry you're going through this. My situation has some parallels, although my dosage was lower. I went c/t off of .5mg klonopin and .5mg xanax, which I had been on (give or take .5mg) for four years. I stopped sleeping, couldn't get out of bed, answer emails, or talk on the phone because it was too overwhelming, had panic attacks, and just generally felt so much worse than I had ever felt before taking the pills. I'm a doctor's daughter, have been on and off many medicines to deal with my dysthymia and major depressive disorder, both of which I've had since I was a very young child. The depression had always been my primary issue, with anxiety kind of following the general track of my depression, but as a secondary thing. Now, I had extreme panic and anxiety WITHOUT depression (my depression has been under really good control for years with Cymbalta and Lamictal). It was possibly the worst two weeks of my life. Stomach problems, horrible headaches, rapid heartbeat, you name it.

 

After two weeks of hell, I went back to the doctor and was put on (at first) .25mg alprazolam, which was not enough - after another week I moved up to .5mg. I've now been on the .5mg for a few weeks, and I feel so much more human - although it took time, and it's not perfect. I just had a meeting with a specialist yesterday, and they're going to help me to cross over to Valium and taper slowly, about 1 mg / month - so I should be off completely in 10 months (.5 xanax ~ 10mg V).

 

Two things that might be useful for you out of this. One: It took TIME for me to stabilize after reinstating. I'm still experiencing some of the physical symptoms (stomach issues and rapid heartbeat primarily), and that may just be something I have to deal with for a while, but the horrible anxiety and panic have steadily lessened since I reinstated. I feel human and functional again, and I'm grateful for that. However, I'm even more determined now that this is not a good medicine for me, and I am going to try the recommended methods to get off of it. Two: At least to me, it really sounds like your symptoms are benzo withdrawal. Although it's possible that the Prozac is causing problems, you may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater by getting rid of it too. If you have had underlying anxiety problems for that long, a solid a/d may end up being very helpful to you - it has been to many members here. The difference is that you DON'T develop tolerance over time, the medicine is designed to work long term, unlike benzos which pretty much universally lose their efficiency at anything but keeping you out of withdrawal. You definitely have to get the benzos stabilized as a first step, but I would definitely recommend keeping your options open with regards to using an a/d.

 

Just my 2 cents - I hope you feel better soon!

[[Im...]]

Forgot to mention - I'm just using an antihistamine for help sleeping, which has been working well for me. The doctors I've spoken to seem to think it's a pretty good option, as it's nonaddictive, has a short half life, etc - it's not really designed for long term use, but then no sleeping pills really are. Sleep is SO important to this process, you do what you have to do to make it happen. I know a lot of other people on this board have had a lot of success with Remeron as an adjunct to getting off the benzos - I have no experience with it. I was on 12.5 - 25 mg of Seroquel for sleep at one point several years ago, which worked well, but as I recovered from the depression and my sleep problems lessened, I found that even half a pill of the lowest dose (12.5 mg) was too much for me, and I was feeling very groggy during the day. Your mileage may vary :-)

[[Ti...]]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

 

One thing you could do is take a copy of the Ashton Manual with you to your doctor

that shows the tapering options and schedules.

 

It might help.

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

 

*Hugs*

Tink

[[Ti...]]

I tapered too quickly (even though I was a low-dose short-term user) and suffered severe withdrawals for over 3 weeks.  I went to a doctor and added some valium in and have been crossing over.  I finally feel stable and loving life again.  I will begin a super slow snail pace taper, as I have two young children as well.  I was not sleeping, eating, high heartrate, etc. when I went into acute w/d.  It was hell.  I am hoping to avoid that by doing a slow taper from now on.  Also, I see you keep mentioning that you are a hypochondriac.  Please do not think that.  You are not.  I was normal before these meds, and the w/d made me feel crazy and very, very ill.  I have never had any sort of psychological problems and I am 33 years old.  Benzo w/d turned me into a different person and I have suffered immensely.  I now appreciate that I feel stabilized (to a point-I am not 100%) but know I have a long way to go before off the meds.  I want to keep my quality of life, so I will go slow.  It's not worth the suffering getting off quickly.  I am so angry that I was put on these meds in the first place.  I trusted my doctor and it has changed my life.  I had a perfect life.  I will get it back.  You will too.

[[be...]]

You guys are fantabulous!!!!!  I really appreciate all of your input, and you have all made excellent points.      As we all know, most docs are completely oblivious about the withdrawal from these benzos, and probably  not many have the knowledge about Prof. Ashton's work......

IF I could get my doctor to even take a LOOK at the manual,,,,, what are the chances that she will go for it, and say okay, let's do the Valium Taper??

 

My doc is so pressed for time (and due to my insurance and other factors, I CAN"T just find another doc), so what is the most concise worksheet I can bring in , that outlines the benefits of a slow valium taper......

 

Also,  should I try to stabilize on ATivan first, or stabilize on klonopin, and then do the crossover?  I"m not sure how to do this...

I took some ativan again this morning, as I couldn't handle the early morning anxiety and D/R  .......... 

 

Also, next month I will be having a surgical procedure done, which i know will put a lot of stress on my body, so my question is.... should i continue to ride out the withdrawal and not take any more Ativan....... or should i reinstate to klonopin or valium and take those through my surgery/healing period, and then taper later?        The surgery is getting done regardless, but i don't want to complicate my recovery by benzo withdrawal symptoms........ 

any advice or direction you can offer?    Thanks so much guys!!

[[Ti...]]

You guys are fantabulous!!!!!  I really appreciate all of your input, and you have all made excellent points.      As we all know, most docs are completely oblivious about the withdrawal from these benzos, and probably  not many have the knowledge about Prof. Ashton's work......

IF I could get my doctor to even take a LOOK at the manual,,,,, what are the chances that she will go for it, and say okay, let's do the Valium Taper??

 

My doc is so pressed for time (and due to my insurance and other factors, I CAN"T just find another doc), so what is the most concise worksheet I can bring in , that outlines the benefits of a slow valium taper......

 

Also,  should I try to stabilize on ATivan first, or stabilize on klonopin, and then do the crossover?  I"m not sure how to do this...

I took some ativan again this morning, as I couldn't handle the early morning anxiety and D/R  .......... 

 

Also, next month I will be having a surgical procedure done, which i know will put a lot of stress on my body, so my question is.... should i continue to ride out the withdrawal and not take any more Ativan....... or should i reinstate to klonopin or valium and take those through my surgery/healing period, and then taper later?        The surgery is getting done regardless, but i don't want to complicate my recovery by benzo withdrawal symptoms........ 

any advice or direction you can offer?    Thanks so much guys!!

 

Hello,

 

I would perhaps highlight the cross over that she states in the manual.  That way it's quick to read.

 

I'm not sure what to recommend on the Ativan or Klonopin, I think it is a choice only you can make.  Did you reinstate the Ativan? 

 

All I can say for myself is if it were me I'd stay on that and perhaps hold until after the surgery, then do the cross over and taper if I had decided to do that after I am very stable after the surgery.

 

Also I have done some research here on BB about what med they can give you during the surgery to put you under etc. and give you after you wake up.  Some things are not so good for us anymore I have learned. 

 

I'm sure others will chime in.

 

Good luck with everything! 

 

Sending lots of Healing and Light.

 

 

Tink