Man, I Hate Rainy Mornings!

[[mo...]]

Wow! Another tough morning. I'm really missing the "old me" today. The person who used to fly out of bed without a care and tackle that to do list without the slightest hestiation. Getting glimpses of her over the past week makes days like today even harder to cope with.

 

I have to remember how fortunate I am to have had a pretty significant window lately.  I have to be grateful for that. I just find that when I'm in a funk like I am right now, I can't even SEE the blessings that I have and the healing that I've received so far. I just want to feel sorry for myself and cry. And most of all, lament over the old me. I really wonder when she'll be here for good.

 

The only people who can understand this are my BB's. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Now, I'm gonna wipe away the tears and go to the grocery store. Here's hoping the d/r doesn't try to drive me insane out there in the big, bad world! ;-)

[[Be...]]

I'm with you.  I'm riding a rough wave brought on by PMS this past week.  Currently sitting here trying to figure out how to accomplish to-do's and pretend to my husband that everything is cool when all I want to do is put my head between my legs and hide.

[Guest [Da...]]

I hear you.  We had rain this morning and on top of that I have to deal with many days of gloomy (overcast) winters that I am getting where I live.  Definitely not a mood booster but the sun will come out eventually.  Hang in there.

 

Hugs,

 

Danni

[[ro...]]

Hey, monyd,

 

Glad you were able to enjoy a window.  I'm so looking forward to one.  I think it would reaffirm that the real me is in here somewhere.  Although, when the last (and only) window I've had left after 3 days, I could only feel disappointed, as well.  But I still desperately want another window again, even if it doesn't stay open permanently.

 

It's rainy here this morning, too.  It's weird, I sometimes prefer a rainy day during this withdrawal.  It seems like, when it's sunny and nice, all I can do is ponder about how life used to be, only 5 months ago, and it brings me down.

[[ca...]]

It's really strange but, for me, sunny days are worse when I'm home all alone. If I am at work around other people then I like sunny days. But when I'm at home all alone and the sun is shining it makes me a little depressed. I guess it reminds me of when all this started for me when I was home alone during the summer. I would much rather it be dark outside and I can get in a warm bed and watch movies. That relaxes me more than the sun beaming in through the windows.

[[mo...]]

 

It's rainy here this morning, too.  It's weird, I sometimes prefer a rainy day during this withdrawal.  It seems like, when it's sunny and nice, all I can do is ponder about how life used to be, only 5 months ago, and it brings me down.

 

Roberr2222, I am so sorry that you have not had another window. It will come. You are in there still. Some days it's just hard to believe. I know exactly what you mean about tormenting yourself about "how life used to be".  I think those are the worst moments for me and is exactly what happened to me this morning. It was the scent of my perfume that set me off. I started wearing it last summer, before I got "sick".  It's always that time frame that my mind returns to, again and again.

 

It's really strange but, for me, sunny days are worse when I'm home all alone. If I am at work around other people then I like sunny days. But when I'm at home all alone and the sun is shining it makes me a little depressed. I guess it reminds me of when all this started for me when I was home alone during the summer. I would much rather it be dark outside and I can get in a warm bed and watch movies. That relaxes me more than the sun beaming in through the windows.

 

Cav500, it sounds like you are stuck in the same mind set. Remembering last summer. A lot of us seem to be wishing we could be back there. When I look at photos of our summer vacation, where I am all smiling and so obliviously happy, I just cry for that girl, because she had no idea what laid in wait for her around the corner. In a way I wish I was back there, thinking that if I could go back knowing what I know now, things would be so different. But we all know we can't go back. We can only move forward and really, we will never be quite the same, will we? We'll never have that blind innocence again. We can only hope that what we are currently going through will only make us stronger. Oh crap! Now I'm crying again!! LOL!!

 

Thank you Danni and Betty for your words of support and encouragement. It is still pouring outside and it has been an incredibly dark, wet, winter where I live. Not so unusual, and normally I don't let the weather get to me. But this has been an especially dark winter for me. I can't wait for the sun to come out and stay for awhile. All long while.

 

Betty, were you able to be "superwoman" and tackle your to do list?

 

On a good note, I went to the grocery store and took my cat to the vet and believe it or not, did not experience any d/r - at least not enough to bother me. Usually my mind checks out completely in the grocery store. So, that made me pretty happy. Perhaps I am finally getting over that horrible sx after 6 weeks straight??? One can hope, right?

 

Thanks again everyone for your support. Here's hoping for sunnier skies (metaphorically speaking) for everyone! 

[[Be...]]

Oh I wish.  I was able to putter about and look busy.  I did the minimum.  Now, making food I don't feel like eating & waiting for tomorrow to bring a better mood.

 

I'm hitting the tanning bed for some vitamin D if this continues tomorrow.  It's been dreary here as well.  I'm guess all those with rain are on the eastern side of the U.S.

[[ca...]]

Cav500, it sounds like you are stuck in the same mind set. Remembering last summer. A lot of us seem to be wishing we could be back there. When I look at photos of our summer vacation, where I am all smiling and so obliviously happy

 

Oh that's not what I meant. My summer 2011 was a complete and total living hell. That's when my alcohol w/d all started and I was having panic attacks every day. I couldn't work and I had just started benzos. I was home everyday by myself with the sun shining in the windows in my room and feeling miserable. Now, the sun shining in my room kind of gives me flashbacks to the really bad days. It will fade in time, I'm sure.

 

[[mo...]]

 

 

 

Oh that's not what I meant. My summer 2011 was a complete and total living hell. That's when my alcohol w/d all started and I was having panic attacks every day. I couldn't work and I had just started benzos. I was home everyday by myself with the sun shining in the windows in my room and feeling miserable. Now, the sun shining in my room kind of gives me flashbacks to the really bad days. It will fade in time, I'm sure.

 

 

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That must have been an awful way to spend your summer. Hopefully this summer will be better for you and you'll have some new, good memories to attach to sunny days.