Opportunities and Gifts

[[Sa...]]

Hello All,

I joined BB earlier this year but have not been active. I was too cognitively impaired to figure out how to navigate the forum plus I have never been on any other forums before. However, my cognitive abilities have improved since I first joined.

There is still so much I cannot do... Yet! I try to add "yet" after anything I am not currently able to do.

I am tapering Diazepam (and Seroquel) and my husband and I are currently living with my parents. I am amazed at the amount of healing that is taking place within my family. And it's not just between myself and my parents but it's having a positive impact on my parent's relationship, their relationship with my sister as well as other family members. 

Unfortunately, I went off my Diazepam and Zolpidem after 25 years of benzo use cold turkey. It's a terrible story as I no doubt have to tell anyone here! I did reinstate a very small amount and am tapering under the guidance of a doctor who is truly understanding of my circumstances for which I am grateful. 

I am struggling but I wanted to post about some of the opportunities and gifts I am finding during this difficult time. I hope it brings some comfort to someone else here.

The greatest gift has been the reunion with my family. There were so many unresolved issues and hurts from the past that are healing. There are difficult days but all in all, the love and support is amazing. I know not everyone has understanding family so I hope I don't trigger anyone. There are many things I have lost in this process and the suffering has been intolerable at times but I am receiving love and I am sending that out to everyone here.

I do feel like I have lost so much of myself in this process but having been medicated since a teen, I am excited to discover who I am without medication. Although I am tapering, I do find tiny little things that are making me feel alive in ways that I didn't even know were missing. 

There's much I can say about the difficulties of this ordeal but I am trying to see the opportunities and gifts right now to help bring down my morning panic. Would anyone like to share with me any gifts or opportunities they are finding in this experience? If you are in the throes of horrific symptoms, I totally understand if this message comes across as annoyingly optimistic. Believe me, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am doing my best to have hope and courage.

 

[[...]]

@[Sa...], thank you for sharing loving atmosphere and the gifts&opportunity you've been finding since you start getting better! I'm soo glad you feel the healing and have all your understanding family around. That's just wonderful

As for the gifts I've been recieving due to this torturous process, the greatest one is I've  realised whatever, life is wonderful, I love it and how much I want to live. Never before I was so happy about simple little things.

Besides, I could never dream of the opportunity to have so many buddies/ friends all over the world as I have now because of the horrible benzo experience🙌✨ 

[[Sa...]]

That is awesome, Kate! I am SO happy to read that you love life. To go through this and love life and want to life is a testament to your courage and beautiful spirit. I'm so sorry we had to meet this way but I am so grateful you are here supporting this community. You are a gift! Thank you <3

[[Gr...]]

So glad you found benzo buddies Salle, we would like to welcome you. If you get a chance on your homepage, fill out your history, and this will help others to relate to your situation as well as your tapering method, or if you’ve already made the jump. I’m not the one that should be encouraging you to fill out your history. It only took me a year and a half.  LOL, I’m similar to you in a way, I to am learning a lot about me and who I really am. I’m was a alcoholic and went into my first treatment at age 15., so like you my mind really never had the chance to develop without being medicated, I’m so glad that you have supporting family that means a lot, and I don’t think any will take offense that you have that we’re glad for you. Some of the things I’m finding out about myself. I will probably need to work on, But like Kate was mentioning life is so much better being free of mind altering medication, i’m a little over 2 1/2 years free of that I’m by no means healed completely but if I had to live the rest of my days the way I am right now. I would be okay with that because I can sure tell you I’m in a much better place physically mentally and more stable than I’ve ever been, i’m looking at this as a second chanc it’s exciting finding out new things about my old self, but I have the ability to become what I want. It’s taking a lot of effort and some areas but it’s worth it. You’ll find out all of us can relate to you in someway so I encourage you to reach out put your post out there and get to know all of us,  you take care, your fellow buddy,  GREATFUL

[[...]]

 

@[Sa...], thank you, although I'm sure you should feel the same when the worst WD misery is over. I hope it won't take you too long to start enjoying life or, at first, just its moments, again even while tapering.

We are all here supporting each other because it's very hard to find true understanding about this process in real life. Good luck to you, Salle, and smooth tapering🌤️ 

 

[[je...]]

What a lovely post @[Sa...]! I’m so glad you have the support and that your relationships are improving. My gifts are being grateful again for the little things. I appreciate enjoying time with my family. During withdrawal it was a struggle to do family things. I appreciate having breakfast on my porch and just enjoying the peace and calm. The little things I took for granted before - those are my gifts. 

[[Sa...]]

Oh my gosh, I am so touched by these replies. I appreciate everyone’s words so deeply, more than I can articulate!

I struggle with agoraphobia but I am getting out of the house a few times a week. I guess I do get out everyday to walk my dog. Oh how I love that good boy! But venturing into the world can be challenging; however, support from those who get it makes all the difference.

I’m going to get ready to head into town for an appointment and then I will post some more but I wanted to be sure I said thank you… Thank you Kate, Grateful and Jelly Baby. I appreciate you all. I hope this post finds you well. Hugs 🤗 

[[Gr...]]

3 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Oh my gosh, I am so touched by these replies. I appreciate everyone’s words so deeply, more than I can articulate!

I struggle with agoraphobia but I am getting out of the house a few times a week. I guess I do get out everyday to walk my dog. Oh how I love that good boy! But venturing into the world can be challenging; however, support from those who get it makes all the difference.

I’m going to get ready to head into town for an appointment and then I will post some more but I wanted to be sure I said thank you… Thank you Kate, Grateful and Jelly Baby. I appreciate you all. I hope this post finds you well. Hugs 🤗 

 

[[...]]

 

Thank you, @[Sa...], once again🙌 

I hope your trip to town was successful as much as possible. Just an idea. You could post a pic of your dog here (?) Of course, only if you don't mind. Those four-pawed friends are always so clever and cute and help us stay 'here and now' even while withdrawing

[[Ro...]]

@[Sa...], this benzo ordeal gave me the gift of putting little frustrations into their proper perspective.  No longer do I sweat a lot of the small stuff.  I saw tapering, withdrawing, and now recovery as a challenge.  Facing this new challenge, I was given the opportunity to learn a new skill, that of tapering.  Tapering calls for relative precision, and through the tedium of breaking, filing, and weighing tablets, it reinforced the importance of patience.

In addition, this benzo experience has given me knowledge.  I now know never to take benzos long-term again.  I learned the importance of research beyond anything gleaned from the medical Practitioners.  Having accomplished a successful benzo taper, I am now more confident when I discontinue other medications.  I have tapered off Abilify, mirtazapine, and am now working on venlafaxine (Effexor).

Dealing with benzos has opened up social opportunities, most notably at BB and SurvivingAntidepressants.  Even though all of our benzo stories are different, I've been given the opportunity to meet online many fantastic but struggling people.  I'm able to empathize with many and pay forward the gift of knowledge I obtained through my own withdrawal experience.

@[Sa...], I'm sincerely glad you have reaped gifts and opportunities from your benzo experience.  It's great to hear that it has brought your family closer together, even though withdrawal is something none of us wish to repeat.  Your story really shines with   optimism.

[[Sa...]]

Hi Kate, I would LOVE to post a picture of my dog! I'll just need to figure out how as I'm not very tech savvy but this will be a good goal for me this week. You might regret asking me to post a pic bc then I may not be able to stop posting pictures of my dog and all of the dogs I have had the honor or adopting over my life. I hope this post finds you well <3

[[Sa...]]

Hi Rocknroll,

Thank you so much for posting! I really enjoyed reading what you wrote. I didn't sleep last night but I am taking deep breaths and trying to just allow the racing heart and sweats without attaching any meaning to them. Sometimes it's far easier said than done but I am successfully doing it now. Plus reading your post brought me inspiration and courage, which sure do help with this journey.

Congratulations on tapering off of your benzo completely!!! That is so awesome!!! And congrats on continuing to taper the remaining meds!

I abruptly stopped medications last year and rapid tapered some others without knowing better. I did reinstate 6mg of Diazepam and 75mg of Seroquel this past summer and am tapering them with an amazing coach. She has reminded me of a quote from Maya Angelou, "When you know better, you do better." I love that!

I was so naive before all of this just trusting most medical professionals. Now I know I need to research everything myself so I am as informed as possible. I worry I may not have reinstated enough but it seems like many people I have met feel some fear and confusion around whether they are tapering correctly. But no matter what, what I am hearing and seeing is that we all heal. Our biggest healer is time. I am certainly unlearning the idea of a pill being a quick fix!

I am so touched by the replies I have had from my original post. You are right that there is so much community to be had and treasured while we go through this. I hope this post finds you well. Thank you again for reaching out. I sure do appreciate it <3

[[...]]

 

Salle, you're welcome 🤗 The more dogs the better! Actually, It's never too much of dogs here, there or everywhere:))

I hope you'll solve the riddle of posting pics quickly. I myself managed but not at once...🙌

If anything, please, ask questions. Oh, and if you need to address a particular buddy, type the '@' and the first letters of their username straight away without a space. There will be a list of names unrolling. Click the one you choose and the buddy will know you mentioned them. Like @[Sa...] or @[Ro...] )

[[Sa...]]

@[Ro...]

You may have already seen me post this above but I am still learning how to use the forum and Kate showed me how to address others so I just wanted to send what I posted earlier directly to you :-) Thanks again for reaching out!

Hi Rocknroll,

Thank you so much for posting! I really enjoyed reading what you wrote. I didn't sleep last night but I am taking deep breaths and trying to just allow the racing heart and sweats without attaching any meaning to them. Sometimes it's far easier said than done but I am successfully doing it now. Plus reading your post brought me inspiration and courage, which sure do help with this journey.

Congratulations on tapering off of your benzo completely!!! That is so awesome!!! And congrats on continuing to taper the remaining meds!

I abruptly stopped medications last year and rapid tapered some others without knowing better. I did reinstate 6mg of Diazepam and 75mg of Seroquel this past summer and am tapering them with an amazing coach. She has reminded me of a quote from Maya Angelou, "When you know better, you do better." I love that!

I was so naive before all of this just trusting most medical professionals. Now I know I need to research everything myself so I am as informed as possible. I worry I may not have reinstated enough but it seems like many people I have met feel some fear and confusion around whether they are tapering correctly. But no matter what, what I am hearing and seeing is that we all heal. Our biggest healer is time. I am certainly unlearning the idea of a pill being a quick fix!

I am so touched by the replies I have had from my original post. You are right that there is so much community to be had and treasured while we go through this. I hope this post finds you well. Thank you again for reaching out. I sure do appreciate it <3

 

[[Sa...]]

I'm trying to upload a pic of my dog but it says the file is too large. I'll try again later. I'd love to see anyone's pets who feel like sharing. Sorry if I am not posting this in the proper place. 

[[Pa...]]

I saw some cuties on this thread @[Sa...], I'm thinking of posting a photo of my new dog there too.  

 

[[st...]]

I think the gift for me was to know suffering and understand how people overcome it. Now when I look at others, it’s with love and gentle curiosity, not judgment. I also don’t yell at myself anymore
Thank you for this lovely topic!