After 18 months off Xanax I went back to a benzo. I feel stupid.

[[ma...]]

I wish I found this page sooner.  I have a long history with anxiety.  I think a longer story with meds.  

Edited June 18 by [ma...]

[[...]]

Hi, @[ma...], and welcome to BenzoBuddies!) We're glad you've found us in the end. Hope this community will be able to help you.

Just would like to elaborate. What benzo did you go on after being 18 months xanax free? How long have you been taking benzo all in all? This time? How often? What other meds do you take or were taking?

Anyway, you shouldn't feel stupid. Most of us were there. It's quite natural to seek help in any medication when we feel unwell, even if it's not necessary. Good luck to you here and everywhere

 

 

[[ma...]]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I went on Valium 5mgs. twice a day.  I have been taking 8mgs. of Xanax for about 15 years.  I have been on countless, and seemingly useless antidepressants.  I used to take trazadone 300mgs for sleep.  It no longer works at all.  I now take Doxepin 25 for sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

@[ma...], how long have you been taking valium this time? Are you planning to come off it? I think benzos can only complicate our condition since they don't treat anything in fact, just hide some symptoms and can turn on us used long term. But i know it's all so difficult. I was messed up by benzo myself and not long ago.

[[ma...]]

 

 

 

Only 2 days of Valium.  I can't seem to function or have a life.  Coming off the Xanax was so hard.  I know I am back in a dangerous territory.  This has been a never ending nightmare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Only 2 days of Valium.  I can't seem to function or have a life.  Coming off the Xanax was so hard.  I know I am back in a dangerous territory.  This has been a never ending nightmare.

Yes, i can understand it and feel for you with all my heart. I wish i knew for sure how to come off benzo without the seemingly neverending torture most of us go through. My journey isn't completely over yet either. I really hope other members will join in and share their advice and opinion. 

[[ma...]]

Can I ask how long it generally takes someone to feel "normal" again?

[[ma...]]

l am looking for some advice everyone.  Anyone who could share with me, I would certainly appreciate it.  I feel like I'm walking a tightrope.

 

[[Po...]]

Hi. You said you were on 8 mg of Xanax for 15 years and that you are now taking 5mg of Valium. I assume you are attempting to cross over to Valium in order to get off the Xanax. It’s not surprising unfortunately that you feel bad. The dose equivalency of Valium to Xanax is 20mg of Valium to 1mg of Xanax. Check the taper method developed by Dr Heather Ashton of New Castle university in the UK. That’s what most of us have used for a successful taper. I was on Xanax for 20+ years but only 1mg. I crossed to 20mg of liquid Valium and tapered 10% every 3-4weeks. For me at least my taper was relatively painless. But I’ve dabbled with Valium off n on since and that has caused its own grief. Wishing you well 

pokey 

[[ma...]]

Thank you for responding.  Actually, I have been completely off Xanax for 18 months.  No benzos at all.  Life has been unbearable.  I only recently turned to the Valium and I'm scared.  I can't help but think I might have made a bad decision.  Thanks again.

[[Rh...]]

First off, don’t feel stupid for going back on a benzo.  We all make mistakes and can become desperate in this situation.

The fact that you were able to come off Xanax after so many years is a success and proves that with the right taper and knowledge you can again be free of benzos (and all psych meds) if that is your goal.

How are you feeling on the valium now? How were you feeling prior to taking it?  The “normal” healing time line when someone jumps off psych meds is anywhere from 12-18 months and longer for some.  You were approaching that 18 month mark and things could have started shifting for the better.  But no worries, you’re in a setback and doing the next best thing is possible.

I would suggest looking into making a liquid or getting a compounded liquid and then SLOWLY taper off following the Ashton Manuel recommendations.  That is to taper no more than 10% a month (or every 4-6 weeks) and recalculate your starting dose every month to the dose you just cut to, not your original dose. So if your on 10 mg’s a day (total) and wanted to cut 10% your cut would be down to 9 mg’s.  Then you’d wait some time, and if you feel “good” with the 10% cut then your next cut would be from 9mg’s minus 10% of that, which would be a cut to 8.10 mg’s…and so on.

Some people are able to go faster and some slower, so really listen to your body and see how you do. You can always do less % cute or wait longer in between as well.  You can customize your taper to suit your needs but always make sure your not going too fast or making too large of cuts or withdrawal symptoms will creep in and slam you.

Best of luck and you can do this!!!

[[Cr...]]

3 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Can I ask how long it generally takes someone to feel "normal" again?

@[ma...], has the Valium given you any relief? If so, is the relief enough to warrant staying on it?

Since you only have been on it for 2 days, you should be able to just stop the Valium now without a need to taper. I doubt you are dependent on Valium after two days, but if you spend several weeks or months tapering that could bring you back into physical dependence.

At twice a day, you are on 10 mgs of Valium a day. When you were on 8 mgs Xanax that was roughly equal to 160 mgs of Valium. So luckily by comparison you are not on such a high dose.

It is not unusual for members to be suffering from symptoms at 18 months free. It is understandable why you sought relief in Valium, but try to remember why you came off of Xanax if you need to mentally convince yourself to stay benzo free.

No matter what you choose to do (stay or stop) regarding the Valium we will support you. 

[[Le...]]

3 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Thank you for responding.  Actually, I have been completely off Xanax for 18 months.  No benzos at all.  Life has been unbearable.  I only recently turned to the Valium and I'm scared.  I can't help but think I might have made a bad decision.  Thanks again.

Did you experience gradual improvement over that 18 months?

 

Me and many others seem to experience something often around that 1.5 year mark. I describe mine as clarity of thought starting to return and there are challenges there. It is hard to cope with what has happened once it gets easier to think clearer again. Can be a tricky time. 

Edited June 18 by [Le...]

[[or...]]

@[ma...] I agree with Crono. You ought to be able to just stop the valium and regard it, as Ashton says, a "one-off".  Your body has not had time to get used to it. It's just me, but when  I finished my taper I threw my leftover benzos away. Again, it's just me, but I once my mind was clear after benzos, my therapist and I really worked on my anxiety . . . the thing that drove me to take benzos in the first place. Xanax to be exact. I'm so much better off for that work we did (and are still doing) and will never need to take another benzo. 

Congratulations for being off Xanax. It's a tough drug to taper. As for clarity of mind, mine came at about 2 years off. I felt "normal" then.

Best wishes 

Katz

Edited June 18 by [or...]

[[Ye...]]

6 hours ago, [[R...] said:

First off, don’t feel stupid for going back on a benzo.  We all make mistakes and can become desperate in this situation.

The fact that you were able to come off Xanax after so many years is a success and proves that with the right taper and knowledge you can again be free of benzos (and all psych meds) if that is your goal.

How are you feeling on the valium now? How were you feeling prior to taking it?  The “normal” healing time line when someone jumps off psych meds is anywhere from 12-18 months and longer for some.  You were approaching that 18 month mark and things could have started shifting for the better.  But no worries, you’re in a setback and doing the next best thing is possible.

I would suggest looking into making a liquid or getting a compounded liquid and then SLOWLY taper off following the Ashton Manuel recommendations.  That is to taper no more than 10% a month (or every 4-6 weeks) and recalculate your starting dose every month to the dose you just cut to, not your original dose. So if your on 10 mg’s a day (total) and wanted to cut 10% your cut would be down to 9 mg’s.  Then you’d wait some time, and if you feel “good” with the 10% cut then your next cut would be from 9mg’s minus 10% of that, which would be a cut to 8.10 mg’s…and so on.

Some people are able to go faster and some slower, so really listen to your body and see how you do. You can always do less % cute or wait longer in between as well.  You can customize your taper to suit your needs but always make sure your not going too fast or making too large of cuts or withdrawal symptoms will creep in and slam you.

Best of luck and you can do this!!!

 

Hi Rhernanhtown, I saw that you said that the "normal" recovery date is between 12 and 18 months. It's been 15 months since I took the last Klonopin without any reduction and I have anxiety that barely allows me to go outside.

Aside from the first two months, which were even worse, I haven't seen any improvement and no "window." I've stayed just as bad all the time. Rhernanhtown give me some hope my friend 🤷🏻‍♂️

[[Le...]]

It really is an odd experience to go through. There is definitely a time where everyone is strung out from the WD but more recovered than they think too. Your recovery is well on its way and the advice I have to try to let go a bit. Start to consider that more than just the physical causes are what affect you and see if you see any improvement. I definitely delayed my recovery some because of this. The way we live trying to survive WD is often too prolonged and starts delaying recovery because we arent getting back to living in a healthy way. Anyone would be a real mess living how I did after the first year. I would run everyday but spend half the rest just waiting to recover and brooding. 

Edited June 18 by [Le...]

[[ma...]]

 

 

To everyone that has responded, a sincere thank you.  I really never felt like anyone cared or understood, namely doctors.  This is day 3 of Valium.  Last night I slept through the night.  I woke up feeling refreshed. My physical symptoms are minimal(right now anyway).  In my heart, I know this drug is slippery.  I have been through misery coming off the Xanax.  I feel like i'm almost misbehaving, if that makes sense to anyone.  My mind is clear.  It has been for sometime.  The physical toll and psychological fear, intrusive thoughts is the reason I went for relief (in a bottle of pills).  Doesn't even sound good when I say that.  I must reference what Lee1978a , commented "waiting to recover and brooding", this is me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ma...]]

One more thing, I have read several comments referring to tapering.  I know that the options here were go to a rehab facility where they give you Librium for 5 days, (no matter what benzo, what strength, or how long you were taking the drug).  They release you home on maybe Trazadone and tell you to take Melatonin.  I have spoken to several people regarding their experience with these rehabs.  I was told ambulances were constantly summoned for patients having serious seizures, extreme blood sugar drops causing people to pass out, and a plethora of other serious withdraw effects.  I'm confused how tapering was done by liquids, powder etc.  They left these patients hopeless.

[[ma...]]

After reading endless comments etc.  I don't understand why more docs take this more seriously.  They sure are covering their butts when it comes to prescription painkillers, so much so that patients who really need some help are now literally stranded.  When it comes to Benzos only a small portion of docs seem to recognize the withdraws are just as bad, perhaps worse, and longer lasting.  Why?! Thus far I have yet to hear about the "U.S. Benzodiazapine Crisis".  I don't think I ever will.  This is a sampling of suffering.  Any thoughts?  Why is this almost a "non-existent" news item?  

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi @[ma...], this subject has been talked about here for years, its a sad state of affairs when the dangers of these medications aren't taken seriously.

There are organizations that are working to bring change, BIC is one of them, are you familiar with their work?

Home - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition (benzoinfo.com)

 

[[ma...]]

Thanks Pamster, I am familiar with BIC.  However I got the impression these strides are made mostly in the U.K.  I don't see alot of data in the U.S.  it seems to me this topic is being taken more seriously in Europe.  Am I missing something?  Doctors seem almost dismissive or simply uneducated.  It is amazing to me how many drugs are available for a realm of opioid withdraw, yet not anything to ease withdraw of benzos.  What I understand is the available option is a rehab facility, which apparently is too rapid and does not have much success for the patient.  Although much success for the rehab in the way of dollars.  Here these rehabs are nothing more than big business and certainly don't seem like health care facilities.  Thoughts on rehabs anyone?  I would like to hear all feedback.

[[Pa...]]

I believe strides are being made in the US as well, you can read about some of those efforts here: 

Benzos in the News - Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support (benzobuddies.org)

If you'd like to discuss rehab facilities, a good place to do it is here:

Chewing the Fat - Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support (benzobuddies.org)