Help

[[Ch...]]

With everything going on I did not need this. I had to take a little extra piece of klonopin.  My heart is racing my inside feel like rumbling all the time. I have to leave for Texas for 10 days for work. I read and obsess about the people bedridden during taper and years after the taper. I don’t think I can last very long. I sit in my bed with my computer when I am not traveling. I am suppose to work. I don’t even know if I can pack a suitcase. My daughter does not care my father in Canada can help me. I am so alone and scared. I cursed the day I took my first klonopin. I had issues before never was put on benzo in Canada. I am hopeless. 

[[Ch...]]

Looking at side effects of klonopin abd cataract is one of them. I am 56 years old 

[[Th...]]

Both my parents had cataract surgery within the past couple years and recovery was swift. These surgeries are very straightforward (good examples can be seen in the multiple documentaries about groups restoring sight in Nepal, where doctors are doing one cararact surgery after the next under very rural conditions, restoring the sight of dozens of people a day without the benefit of a modern hospital setup). As far as surgeries go, cataracts are by far one of the better and more easily treatable conditions to have. 

You are not a hopeless person. Things feel overwhelming and you’re scared, but the fact that you’re here shows you’re a survivor and you have the spirit and guts to try and get better. That is a huge first step, and is already more than a lot of people manage. You know how to persevere.

[[An...]]

On 15/09/2023 at 18:24, [[C...] said:

I am already on such a high dose at 2mg. He will be here in 1,5 months. He said he will take over the taper. I don’t know anymore. Have you ever heard of someone suffering like I am on tolerance. From 2008 to March 2021 I had no issues.  

FYI: 👇

I know I got about 11 good years out of Klonopin when I was on it before I hit the proverbial benzo tolerance wall.

[[Ch...]]

How can I get surgery and start taper at the same time.?  Should I wait for taper after surgery? @[Pa...] @[An...]  I am already in tolerance. They are going to give me antibiotics eye drops, steroids eye drops something for the surgery. I am already sensitive to a lot of things. I have to do surgery while I have insurance. Bottom line my question is when do I start my taper now.

[[An...]]

I am trying to put myself in your shoes here Chantal after reading what you have written. If this were me, I think I would probably halt my benzo taper until after I had recovered from the eye surgeries. I also have cataracts and will need surgery at some point. I am not sure how much benzos play in the development of cataracts if any. My mother had hers removed over 15 years ago and she has never taken benzos chronically. According to WebMD, anyone who lives long enough usually ends up with one. I have a yearly eye exam and my eye doc told me the same thing.

I am curious Chantal. When you 1st began taking Klonopin, what dose did they start you on and how long was it before you had to increase from the original starting dose? I basically stayed on .5 mgs only for 11 years if my memory serves me correctly.

[[Pa...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

How can I get surgery and start taper at the same time.?

You have a month before your friend arrives to help you taper, can you schedule the surgeries for sometime in the next 4 weeks? 

[[Ch...]]

No I tried. I will be lucky if I can schedule by December. I am still so worried about being bedridden like a lot of benzo buddies and other sites. They say a year without working. I can’t do that. I am so desperate. I am not doing well mentally and physically. Please help. 

[[Ch...]]

56 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

I am trying to put myself in your shoes here Chantal after reading what you have written. If this were me, I think I would probably halt my benzo taper until after I had recovered from the eye surgeries. I also have cataracts and will need surgery at some point. I am not sure how much benzos play in the development of cataracts if any. My mother had hers removed over 15 years ago and she has never taken benzos chronically. According to WebMD, anyone who lives long enough usually ends up with one. I have a yearly eye exam and my eye doc told me the same thing.

I am curious Chantal. When you 1st began taking Klonopin, what dose did they start you on and how long was it before you had to increase from the original starting dose? I basically stayed on .5 mgs only for 11 years if my memory serves me correctly.

I was 1mg to start. I am not sure when my prescription went to 2. For most time I was taking 1 mg but with the stress of divorce in 2021 lost my job in 2022 after 26 years went to 2 mg. They had me on all kind of stuff. In March I decrease to 1.5 mg lost 30 lbs and ended up in psych ward. I am now in 2mg with clonidine 0.1 mg. I have a call with my psychiatrist today. I don’t know what to tell him. 

[[Ch...]]

Also I have not started the taper yet. 56 years old is young for cataract surgery. I have to work in order to live. I sometimes wonder if I just should just increase but I know it is a vicious cycle. I am at a crossroads in my life. My life will never like I had. I am an executive in health care. I need help. 

[[An...]]

It is Tuesday. Are you working today Chantal? I try not to focus on the horror stories. I do read them and I know how bad things can get bc I have personally been there myself. The Benzo horror stories don't bother me personally but they do trigger some ppl. Just because someone else was bedridden does not mean that you will be also. I know it may not feel like it but recovery is possible from these drugs. Are you reading the success stories on this forum? They inspire and give you hope.

[[Ch...]]

The success stores are also scary. I am petrified to be bedridden no income no one to take care of me. I see myself homeless somewhere having seizures or in a state psych unit. I am so petrified. Yes benzo can cause cataracts 

[[An...]]

You said this is a new job and you have to work. I totally get that but you said you lost your old job after 26 years. Why did you lose that job? Then, you had the divorce.

Those are major life stressors.  Are you over the divorce stuff now?

[[Ch...]]

I am leaving for Texas until the 20 th. I don’t know if I will make it. I have a flight a ride and my bag is packed. I can barely see in my left eye. I see that my teeth are also getting bad. Which was never an issue. I am so confused with all of this. I wish I was never been born. My life has been a disaster and most of it self inflicted like the benzo. My mom does not understand she thinks I can just stop. Maybe that is what I will do.  Lord help me. 

[[Ch...]]

2 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

You said this is a new job and you have to work. I totally get that but you said you lost your old job after 26 years. Why did you lose that job? Then, you had the divorce.

Those are major life stressors.  Are you over the divorce stuff now?

My position was cut. I was over the divorce doing ok but since this happened I go back there a lot. 38 years with my ex husband. Left me for my fiend and left the country. 

[[An...]]

True, some of the success stories are scary but they do show you that recovery is possible. You are on 2 mgs per day of Klonopin. How do you feel right now at this very moment?

[[Ch...]]

In a fog headache  I get zap in my brain once in a while. Very very depressed. I stay in my bed if I am not traveling for work work in my bed. Crying all the time. Scared to drive scared to go anywhere. 

[[Th...]]

Do you have access to a therapist with whom you can start learning CBT skills? It’s exceedingly difficult to plot a path for ourselves when literally every possibility feels like a terrifying worst-case-scenario, and then our own fear spirals in on itself and makes things even worse. If you can start learning some therapy techniques to distance yourself from the emotions and limit your own visceral reactions to them, it doesn’t make the stressors go away, but it makes them less intense (because you’re no longer further escalating their power), makes it easier for you to make logical decisions, and gives you more of a sense of control over what happens. 

There are plenty of other therapies that may work as well; I’m just suggesting CBT because that has the most research backing for dealing with panic and anxiety.

I personally found CBT incredibly helpful as one of the two tools that helped me out of the severe depression and panic disorder that had trapped me for over ten years, and had led to benzo usage of up to 6-10 mg a day for several years; the benzos were discontinued over six months after I got better. I didn’t need them again for over 20 years, until Long Covid caused nonstop panic attacks and I went back on low-dose benzos for a few months. I am currently withdrawing from those.

But the point is, CBT and an effective psych med were what enabled me to escape high-dose benzo use, depression, and panic before, and there are studies showing that success rates for withdrawing from benzos are far higher when CBT is part of the process. 

With the level of panic and depression you’re dealing with, I’d strongly recommend therapeutic assistance and learning some coping tools for those issues, and doing so before your taper would give you more skills to handle intensification during your taper. Can you schedule the cataract surgery for ASAP (December if they can) and work with a therapist in the interim, so you’re better-equipped after your surgery to have a successful taper? 

[[An...]]

👍Excellent @[Th...]

Might I add, self-help things like meditation really help also if you practice them religiously and consistently. 

Daily light aerobic exercise is also good but you may not be able to do this right now.

[[Th...]]

Definitely. I’ve been doing ten minutes of pranayama breathing (there’s an iPhone app called “Pranayama” that I use that guides the breathing with a rising and falling tone and a visualization of someone breathing, but there’s also lots of other apps that can help guide meditative breathing) morning and night, and that’s really been helpful. It’s tough to do if you’re already having anxiety-based breath restriction, but you just do the best you can and over time it gets easier. Even if one can’t draw a deep enough breath at the start to hold for as long as you’re supposed to, the simple act of trying and doing your best will help the autonomic nervous system start to calm.

[[Ch...]]

Can you get CBT online. I travel for work I need work to get a therapist.  I found myself in Houston airport in a basically catatonic state. I could not move. Talk to my psychiatrist wanting 5 mg tablet he said no. He is also said he is ordering me  something else I don’t even remember. I need him to continue to prescribe my meds. But I need to see him face to face and I can drive because I can’t see. They dilated my pupils yesterday and I could see better before. Now I can’t. Please help I will not last very long like this. 

[[Pa...]]

Have you called your doctor about your reaction to the dilation, this doesn’t sound normal. 

[[Ch...]]

I did and he said to call him back Thursday if still like that. Could klonopin had an effect on the dilation?  I know it does something to pupil reaction @[Pa...]

[[Th...]]

There are many therapists who do CBT and will do online therapy over Zoom or other video-call platforms. The really nice benefit to online therapy is that your therapist doesn’t even need to be local to you, so now you can just find one anywhere.

Though if you have work benefits that will help cover therapy costs, then find one that’s licensed to practice in your state so you can get reimbursed through your benefits. You can try Googling for “CBT therapist Maine” (insert whatever your state actually is instead of Maine); almost every therapist offers online therapy options since the pandemic began.

I hope your eye situation resolves ASAP. Do you have lighter-colored eyes? I was reading online that it isn’t super uncommon for dilation to last up to 72 hours for people with lighter-colored eyes. (I’ve had dilation last about 24-30 hours before personally, though it doesn’t happen every time. Sometimes it fades in 8-12 hours. It’s never 3-4 hours like the optometrists say it’ll be.)

[[Ch...]]

@[An...] my dose of 2 mg that I take at night last me a few hours now. I am in full panick mode. Can’t sleep. I am at work in Texas.