The Long Hold Support Group

[[va...]]

Janice,

Its ok you can flirt. That can be more fun sometimes. I gave a thing for jerks too. I have been yrying to figure ut out. Is it me? Do I make them jerks. Why ro we like jerks or not know rhey are jerks. I feel like I am always trying to save them. You need someone who has there life together and treats you with respect. 

I was watching this lady Susan Winters on utube. Omg. I have bern so dumb my whole life. Not a clue how men work and the games and who to avoid. I did it all wrong. You should watch her. Seriously, it answered alir of questions for me. Lol. 

 

Suzan Winters noted down in my to do list for tomorrow. I'll watch it with my daughter. We usually gravitate to what's familiar. To our subconscious, the way your parents treated you is love, and it's familiar. And if they abused you, you unconsciously gravitate towards abusive guys or callous guys or whatever you were used to being treated as a kid and teenager. We were programmed. We didn't choose that program but now we run by the program. My program has nearly gotten me killed in the past, so now I don't trust my feelings when it comes to men. If I find a guy attractive I then think "OK let's discover what's wrong with this guy". Except for Ryan gosling. I like him and he seems OK, but I think I don't have too many chances with that one  :'(

[[va...]]

Off to bed. See you tomorrow Suzy and everyone.

 

Stutt, if tomorrow morning my internet is not working well again, I just want to say thank you so much for advising me on what to do if I ever end up in hospital. I'll ask my psychiatrist for the letter but he's never willing to do that 

 

Thank you for always taking the trouble to help us Stutt.

[[De...]]

Janice;

It does make sense. We are aware of it now. So we can find ways not to get into these situations again.  G'night ly Suzy

[[Tr...]]

Hey peeps! Just popping in quick. I hope you're all getting by ok with the holidays literally on the doorstep. I'm frazzled and so wound up. I'm feeling very anxious but I know it's bc I pushed myself way beyond what I should have. My nervous system is just not capable yet 😔..

 

So the kitties are doing great! Rich and I took them to our own vet today to get their wellness check up and the vet said they look great. They have to go back in 6 weeks. Most of their vaccinations are being taken care of by the humane society. A lot was included in the adoption fee.

 

Ok so I'm sorry to say that their names have changed and it's final this time. Their names are now Luna and Eli! My granddaughter changed her mind and I told her that was it! We can't give them new names everyday!!  :laugh:

 

I wish all of you here a very merry Christmas!! May it be sxs free for all! 🎄🎅

 

TT with trailing, trimmed trees 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎅🦌😁

[[Ma...]]

Hey peeps! Just popping in quick. I hope you're all getting by ok with the holidays literally on the doorstep. I'm frazzled and so wound up. I'm feeling very anxious but I know it's bc I pushed myself way beyond what I should have. My nervous system is just not capable yet 😔..

 

So the kitties are doing great! Rich and I took them to our own vet today to get their wellness check up and the vet said they look great. They have to go back in 6 weeks. Most of their vaccinations are being taken care of by the humane society. A lot was included in the adoption fee.

 

Ok so I'm sorry to say that their names have changed and it's final this time. Their names are now Luna and Eli! My granddaughter changed her mind and I told her that was it! We can't give them new names everyday!!  :laugh:

 

I wish all of you here a very merry Christmas!! May it be sxs free for all! 🎄🎅

 

TT with trailing, trimmed trees 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎅🦌😁

 

My little chihuahua's name, who I adored, was Eli  :D. Love on those babies for me Too Many.

Love you very much, MM.    🐱🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾.    💜💜💜💜💜

[[Ol...]]

I had a cat named Luna! Can't wait to see photos.. Nighty night everyone.

[[Tr...]]

Good morning all, wow, another productive day on this thread.  Love all your stories about hunting for men, a knack for picking losers, getting hair done in all kinds of colors. It's beats reading a book or watching TV. Distraction at its best!

 

Hope you all had a good sleep and will have a symptom free day! 

 

[[va...]]

Stutt good morning. Thank you for your advise on things we can do if we ever end up in hospital. The letter from the doctor would be great, but I asked him once and he brushes it off shaking his hands and says don't anticipate don't anticipate. Sssss..t he's so annoying. If this is actually a possibility and you KNOW that if it did happen it could ruin my life or even kill me as I know how bad my SI when I went into severe withdrawal, why is it so hard for him to acknowledge how important that letter can be and just do it? I think begood carried a letter around. He wouldn't even have to write it. If type it and he'd sign. The man is much more benzo wise than the others I've seen, although he'd learn if he stopped arguing with me about withdrawal symptoms and just listened. It's not like he's ever gone through it. It's amazing that we have to di this on our own but still we depend on them. Maybe if I went to a few neurologists I'd eventually find a benzo wise one, but it's exhausting to talk to them in search for a good one.

 

I guess you won't even pop in today ss you have so much work with the Christmas dinner. I'm sure everything will be perfect. How are your symptoms going? Do you still get the terror after this long taper? I could deal with everything if it weren't for the terror. Are you giving the doggies and socks a bit of the leftovers of the Christmas dinner? They must be looking forward to it. I'm getting my daughter up from bed and see if we can have breakfast at the bar. I love that. Then we walk in the forest. No work today. My students abandon me in this season. Yesterday I went to the bar to try have breakfast but I couldn't even park. There were about a hundred people there, you'd think they give breakfast for free. I need to go today hoping baldy sees my new, blonder hair!! I had such a massive wave yesterday and so did Suzy. Depression and fear. Will we ever be able to cut again without risking going back to the hell I went through last summer? I would push through if I KNEW that it wouldn't get that bad again. But I was already thinking what would be the best places to jump from. I absolutely can't risk that again. You'd think that is a good reason for my doctor to write that darn letter, but no.

 

I'm so sorry for the rant, I hate to be a burden. Paint that smile on your face and let's hope all this Christmas stress is over soon. I prefer work a million times, but my daughter is happy of course.

[[be...]]

http://bestanimations.com/Holidays/Christmas/santa/santa-claus-animated-gif-10.gif

 

"May All Have Peace and Healing This Holiday Season".

[[De...]]

You too begood!!

[[Ma...]]

I am going to be gone this morning,back later, but just incase people are traveling or just busy, I wanted to wish everyone "

 

Happy Holidays, love you all so much, Mary 💚💚💚💚

[[Tr...]]

Thank you Mary,  Merry Christmas to you too! X

[[va...]]

Happy Christmas to all those who like Christmas. I hope you enjoy as much as possible.

 

Troschetter I missed your post this morning. I'm so sorry the pain is so hard on you. I hope you at least got those five hours of sleep last night. I'm glad our disastrous dating stories entertain you a little.

[[Tr...]]

Hi Valiumnomore,  my sleep was OK with almost 5 hours. That seems to be the new normal.

 

Not much pain anymore after I got up.  Just went for a short walk to deliver some Christmas cards to neighbours.  But it's been raining all morning and now there's a drizzle. So not much fun to go for a walk.

 

Yes, please continue with those adventure stories .  I really like them.

 

Enjoy Christmas.  X

[[Gu...]]

I am so cleaned out from yesterday in which I spent every 4 minutes in bathroom.  The funny thing is my tinnitus is just a silent hiss io the loud roar it’s been for years.

 

I almost put toothpaste on my hairbrush just now.  Trying to take my dogs for a walk next.

 

Does anybody have a good recommendation for glass jars to keep daily solution in?  I had little mason jars like baby food containers only the tops are rusted.  I guess I need plastic tops.

 

Happy day to all.

[[De...]]

Thanks mmn,

You too!!!

[[De...]]

Hi everyone,

I am so depressed. I was triggered watching a video last night. I have a sx were im restless ans anxious and feels unxomfortable doing anything.  Like sitting on the couch. 8 cant s5ay there so its like im anxious there . Walking around trembly like. I feel like I am permanently damaged from  antifepredssnts and a few anti pychotics i took. I didn't inow. I was a mes. Feeling for a few yrs but has improved. Soery i an s9 sad on xmas eve. I cant even get it. Someone said inner akathesia. I am afraid of that and i dont pace.

[[De...]]

I think it might be agitated depression. 

[[Tr...]]

Hi Suzy, so sorry to see it's your turn again to feel down. Hope you"ll feel better soon. Maybe listening to some music or watching something nice on TV might help to distract. This isn't the best time of the year for us, is it? Could you go outside a bit and get some fresh air? Sunshine and oxygen can lift a depression a bit. Stay strong!

[[De...]]

Thanks Troch,

I will. It all started from that dumb video. It probably some kimd od ental anxiety and it makes me feel all revved up.  Ly Susy. Hope you are ok.

[[Fi...]]

Hi DD,

 

I dont believe you are permanently damaged.  There are people on this site that have been pollydrugged, like EastCoast,  and has recovered. 

 

I too get very triggered by tv and videos.  All I can reall watch are light sitcoms and the Great British Bakeoff on Netflix.

 

Depression is a side effect of Clonzapam and the fear and anxiety comes from the part of the brain,  the amygdala, which is front and center during wirhdrawal.  The other parts of our brain that regulate joy, and calm have been injured by the benzos.  That's why our fear can be so high.  We are not able to access the gaba we need at this time.  This is only my laypersons explanation based on some research.

 

Remember you have had days where you have felt better and that is a good sign your brain is still functioning well. 

 

Can you do anything, like Troch mentioned, to help ease things even a little? Some ginger tea, heating pad, walking or light tv? You haven't done anything wrong, it's just one of those days and it will change again.

[[Fi...]]

I am so cleaned out from yesterday in which I spent every 4 minutes in bathroom.  The funny thing is my tinnitus is just a silent hiss io the loud roar it’s been for years.

 

I almost put toothpaste on my hairbrush just now.  Trying to take my dogs for a walk next.

 

Does anybody have a good recommendation for glass jars to keep daily solution in?  I had little mason jars like baby food containers only the tops are rusted.  I guess I need plastic tops.

 

Happy day to all.

 

Hi GP, I was thinking if I switched to liquid that I would use my old jam jars from the supermarket.  The brand I use is Pollaner? And it has a screw on lid.  Maybe the the same problem woikd occur but I'm not sure. 

[[De...]]

Thanks fh;

I never would have taken them and switched so much. I had no idea what bwd was. Neither did drs. So thats what happened. I am just always in an uncomfortable state of anxiety.  Its like i rush thru things cuz i am trembly and cant stand how i feel. It only happens at home.  I am ok in my room. Once i get up snd i wslk around the house  it starts. Its def better. A few yrs ago omg. So bad. Thank you for telling me i will get better. I was so afraid. I never should have watched that video. I have ready to.throw in the towel all night. I should blast her. She is usually pretty ok to watch.  She was talking about permanent damage and said something i could relate too. That is a good explanation. I hope you found a tspet plan you are comfortable with. I omow as we get lower it can somerimes get harder. Who knows. I hate benzo

s. Ly dd

[[va...]]

Hi everyone,

I am so depressed. I was triggered watching a video last night. I have a sx were im restless ans anxious and feels unxomfortable doing anything.  Like sitting on the couch. 8 cant s5ay there so its like im anxious there . Walking around trembly like. I feel like I am permanently damaged from  antifepredssnts and a few anti pychotics i took. I didn't inow. I was a mes. Feeling for a few yrs but has improved. Soery i an s9 sad on xmas eve. I cant even get it. Someone said inner akathesia. I am afraid of that and i dont pace.

 

Oh Suzy I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. You're having the shaking again? But it does come and  go doesn't it? I really think that as long as you hold all of your meds you'll continue healing. You did make a cut of your antidepressant quite recently didn't you? Don't you think this shaking could be related to that? I do know I had tremors during the four years I tapered the lexapro, and to this day I often get a wave from that, making it hard to tell the difference from the bwd. I hope you remember that not so long ago you felt better and you were even thinking of cutting on January 2nd, so I believe this is a bad wave and you'll get better again. Then you'll keep holding, all the meds, until we really get to a point where we find ourselves feeling better for a while, before cutting again. I send you a big big hug and please don't give up on yourself. This will take as long as it has to take but we'll keep the fear at bay together.

[[Fi...]]

Thanks fh;

I never would have taken them and switched so much. I had no idea what bwd was. Neither did drs. So thats what happened. I am just always in an uncomfortable state of anxiety.  Its like i rush thru things cuz i am trembly and cant stand how i feel. It only happens at home.  I am ok in my room. Once i get up snd i wslk around the house  it starts. Its def better. A few yrs ago omg. So bad. Thank you for telling me i will get better. I was so afraid. I never should have watched that video. I have ready to.throw in the towel all night. I should blast her. She is usually pretty ok to watch.  She was talking about permanent damage and said something i could relate too. That is a good explanation. I hope you found a tspet plan you are comfortable with. I omow as we get lower it can somerimes get harder. Who knows. I hate benzo

s. Ly dd

 

But it also can get easier.  I've connected to several people, who were on Clonazapam, who felt better as they got lower.  Like the grip of the medication was loosened after a certain point. That's what I am hoping for and hanging on to.  As long as I move slowly and steadily, I'm hoping my brain will adjust.

 

I'm also scared lots of times too so I really know how you feel.  Having a disregulated brain makes it scary.  Again, nothing we have done wrong, just what the benzos do.