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life review overwhelming at 4 months out


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Hi,

 

I have this horrible life review at 4 months out. I've effectively wasted my life and i'm only now starting to do things at 27 years old.. I was abused and all that and whatever else.

 

I can't take this anymore. I'm 4 months out from a 2 year taper from 20mg diazepam..

 

how long will this symptom last for? I can't concentrate because i have all these horrible memories coming back.

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This is a rough symptom - a dimension of pain all its own.  At 4 months out I was in the thick of acute symptoms including life review/intrusive thoughts about my past, stuff long buried and unprocessed.  It felt like my brain was dredging up unexamined memories of loss and trauma, and forcing me to deal with them no matter how painful.  Over time I realized that dealing with them was actually part of healing. 

 

The part that's toughest to cope with is when your brain in withdrawal tells you you've wasted your life and everything you've done is bad, you're all bad, etc.  These are products of your brain trying to readjust without benzos.  Don't believe these lies.  Tell yourself this is you and your life seen through the clouded lens of your healing brain and nothing more.  This is a great piece: What's happening inside your brain

 

As you heal and as you use your wise mind to process the memories and old feelings (hopefully with a good therapist) this symptom will fade away and you will see life through a clear, fresh lens. And you will experience joy. 

 

Hang in there.  Healing is happening, but it takes time.  Give it time. 

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This is a rough symptom - a dimension of pain all its own.  At 4 months out I was in the thick of acute symptoms including life review/intrusive thoughts about my past, stuff long buried and unprocessed.  It felt like my brain was dredging up unexamined memories of loss and trauma, and forcing me to deal with them no matter how painful.  Over time I realized that dealing with them was actually part of healing. 

 

The part that's toughest to cope with is when your brain in withdrawal tells you you've wasted your life and everything you've done is bad, you're all bad, etc.  These are products of your brain trying to readjust without benzos.  Don't believe these lies.  Tell yourself this is you and your life seen through the clouded lens of your healing brain and nothing more.  This is a great piece: What's happening inside your brain

 

As you heal and as you use your wise mind to process the memories and old feelings (hopefully with a good therapist) this symptom will fade away and you will see life through a clear, fresh lens. And you will experience joy. 

 

Hang in there.  Healing is happening, but it takes time.  Give it time.

 

But I have wasted my life. I've only just starrted doing life this year , i isolated myself for 10 years since leaving school. i've never had a job cause i had severe depression./anxiety..

 

I've only just started volunteering in a couple places and I'll be getting my job/going to college /doing life in a few months time..

 

How long until this symptom faded for you? I can't deal with this shit anymore..

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For me it faded after about 6 months.  But remember, everyone is different.

 

We're all human and none of us is perfect.  Like you, I carry regrets and I know I will try to do better.  Withdrawal is so hard. 

You've been through a hard time with depression. You made it through and you'll make it through this. 

Now's a good time to learn to be kind and compassionate with yourself.

 

It sounds like you have some great plans!  The distraction can help take your focus off your symptoms.  :thumbsup:

 

 

 

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I know it may seem like you've wasted your life now but you're 27, and many years ahead of you to get that life back. I too have wasted the last 10 years on these drugs and I'm 46 soon to be unemployed and no family, but I refuse to admit it's over.

 

We will bounce back, and leave this horrible chapter of our lives behind. These feelings you have will pass, and you will enjoy your life knowing how bad things can actually be. FREE

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cookiemouse, you likely won't believe me but 27 is SO young!!! Your brain isn't even fully formed yet, probably. (That happens from about 27-29.) So much is ahead of you, I promise you, if you just stick with it. Not everything will be wonderful, but some of it will, and some of it will be everyday small pleasures like hot chocolate with marshmallows when it's 20 below outside. I am decades older than you and have a perspective you don't, please trust me on this. The life review will let up, too. With abuse, you may need a good therapist to help you through it, but things will get better, I believe.

xoxoxoxoxox

 

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