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So much worse in 2nd year doubting I will recover


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I have been so much worse this year doubting will ever recover.

 

Started with intrusive thoughts when driving walking past people made just venturing out going fir walk very difficult.

 

Since starting anti depressants nearly year ago now have OCD with compulsion inside the home checking everything before it is thrown away normal life impossible.

 

Last year did manage to go away this year barely able to leave the house.

 

Initially trying different hobbies etc was distraction but now nothing helps.

 

Desperately want to break the OCD cycle but tried CBT and exposure therapy for months without success. Don't know what else I can do, find mindfulness too difficult to do.

 

Going outside has given me such anxiety and now don't even feel comfortable in my own home despair setting in.

 

How can I accept I will ever recover when things just seem to be getting worse. My husband had take over some of cooking as sometimes can barely eat.

 

Keep telling myself I was normal before stopping zop but starting to think this is the new normal for me as most people seem to improve with time not get worse.

 

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As I suspected most people seem improve as things go on and get some Windows. I am sure physical symptoms are hard but I think mental symptoms are worse as they never leave you and seem intensify as time goes on.
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Considering that those crumbs of zopiclone worked for you, you could probably reinstate on a low-dose of diazepam. Can't you find a private practitioner that is willing to prescribe it for you? Benzos are frequently prescribed to treat antidepressant neurotoxicity. If you stabilize on 1 mg / day or 2 mg / day of diazepam, you can then taper off from that dose when you're comfortable.
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They don't like going against your GP in the UK doubt I could get any. Did get some hydroxyzine once but over cost over £100 to see private GP and he wouldn't give me diazapam. Wish  you could get it on web but you can't . Bit wary that taking anything else will make it worse like the anti depressants did. Think I'm stuffed basically..
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my second year was worse!!! it really dragged and seemed it was never going to end.

 

but i made progress and then my third year i started seeing massive improvements.

 

this is totally normal hang in there, you’re on your way!-

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Did you have any therapy or did they just go? When you don't get get many replies you start thinking Raiz is right and not everyone does recover. Doesn't seem anyone else seems almost housebound as ithers still seem be able to do stuff , go for walks, I do think bad mental symptoms can in some ways be harder than physical. Good you are recovering anyway.
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Does give me a bit more hope did things ease in your 3rd year? Think it's when you don't have any let up and end up semi housebound I find so hard. None of activities used go to running because of virus so just end up with no distractions stupid OCD thoughts going round and round all day. Other people do seem be able to do stuff outside the house at least.
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It definitely sounds like it's the antidepressant that's done it in my opinion. Unfortunately the medication normally used to help are benzos. I know you can only see a doctor in your local area in the UK, but normally have a few options. Have you tried another?
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Yes I'm sure anti depressant gave me lot more symptoms and made existing ones worse only off it 3 months so guess still withdrawal from that don't have much experience of AD. No other options really as private GP's won't go against what your GP has said. I am starting seeing a psychotherapist, can't afford to see a private GP and therapist as well. CBT or being dosed up with anti depressants is the only help you get here. If you are taking  street drugs or an alcoholic seem get lot more help.
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