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Withdrawal and feelings towards my kids


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[87...]
Is it normal to not like your kids in withdrawal? It is so sad, but I have no love for my children, they dont even feel like mine. I feel so detached from them. I get cranky and annoyed with them all the time.  I am fearful whenever they act up that there is something wrong with them and they will be messed up forever. They cause me so much stress, and I dont know how to deal with this. I feel like I hate them, and I keep trying to tell myself that this isnt me.
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[87...]
No I wasn't. I remember not liking other peoples kids, but I loved mine for sure. I'm trying to remember what it was like to love them, but my brain just cant. Like when I'm in a wave I cant remember what it was like to feel good.
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I actually went in the opposite direction. When my BWD was really bad, I became MORE loving toward my family … but in an excessive way. Like I was constantly trying to give them hugs and I would tell them over and over how much I loved them. I remember embracing my dad at Costco, and I was actually crying because I loved him so much! Now, I DO love my family of course, but this wasn't normal for me to be so emotionally gushy. So it's definitely a part of BWD. I think I may have also been afraid of my impending death, so I wanted to tell my family that I loved them (kidding but not kidding). Also, I was going through an incredibly difficult and scary time during BWD, so I was grateful and appreciative to have my family's support.

 

So I actually think it's a similar symptom as yours, but I just went in the other direction. (I've actually never heard of anyone else who became MORE loving during BWD! If this has happened to anyone, please speak up.)

 

Now that I am 19 months off, my emotions have normalized. I still love my family, but I don't go over the top expressing it all of the time.

 

I'm sure you'll go back to normal in this area as you recover. I hope this reassures you.

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Is it normal to not like your kids in withdrawal? It is so sad, but I have no love for my children, they dont even feel like mine. I feel so detached from them. I get cranky and annoyed with them all the time.  I am fearful whenever they act up that there is something wrong with them and they will be messed up forever. They cause me so much stress, and I dont know how to deal with this. I feel like I hate them, and I keep trying to tell myself that this isnt me.

 

This isn't you, it's the drug, please know that we lose our sense of self so how can we feel for others when we don't even know who we are anymore?

 

You're going to be okay and your kids are going to be okay, you know how incredibly resilient they are, they'll be there when you emerge from this, just do your best to be present and the love will return when you heal.  :smitten:

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[87...]
Thank you for the replies. I do feel encouraged. My love for them just can't come back soon enough. I know its the drugs and their effects on my brain, but the reassurance is wonderful. Thank you.
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i had this towards my younger brother and sister who were in high school during my acute phase. These drugs are like a hallucinogenic nightmare in terms of the recovery phase. Just keep an eye on yourself at all times around your family. Have a second level of awareness about what your going through and how it can alter your personality and traits and check yourself constantly when not feeling normal and in control.  :thumbsup:
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Hopeful Heart I’m so sorry you are going through this symptom. I have a daughter and I love her very much but can not feel a thing nothing, I look at her and I’m in despair because I feel nothing, as if she was not my child. I feel extremely guilty and shameful for not being able to feel love. There is no attachment to her or my husband and everything and everyone. I listen today to Dr. Gabor Mate and he explained about dopamine or luck of it to be responsible for not be able to feel those basic human emotions.

Wishing you fast recovery this is by far the worst symptom I have.

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I had it both ways.  For quite a few months during the taper my overwhelming love for my kids was constantly overflowing to the point it was very painful with constant tears.  Then I spent a few months extremely irritated with them over the stupidest little things and would have to leave the room for 20-30 minutes so I didn’t explode with irritation and anger.

  Now with my current return to acute via Paxil withdrawals, I am experiencing periods of total inability to feel emotions.  They all suck, but that goes without saying.

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I had it both ways.  For quite a few months during the taper my overwhelming love for my kids was constantly overflowing to the point it was very painful with constant tears.  Then I spent a few months extremely irritated with them over the stupidest little things and would have to leave the room for 20-30 minutes so I didn’t explode with irritation and anger.

  Now with my current return to acute via Paxil withdrawals, I am experiencing periods of total inability to feel emotions.  They all suck, but that goes without saying.

 

Oh wow you’re the only other person I’ve heard of who had the same symptoms as me (overwhelming love).  Glad I’m not the only one. I knew it wasn’t normal and that it had to be a withdrawal symptom!

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  • 1 month later...

i struggle with this. hugely. my stiry began when i came off zoloft then developed intrusive thoughts directed towards my son. then they absolutely drugged me until i had some of the worst side effects (the ones they mention on commercials and some they dont). drs didnt beleive me. tomd me i was becoming more mentally ill. really? at age 40? my son was my world. now i spent a yr in and our of psych wards and bedridden and i didnt recognize him at all. i could say about 15 words and would just repeat them like an old person with dementia. i would ask "are you my baby?" over and over. then told i should abandon my family. told i was unfit to be a mom

reported to the cops even though i did nothing

my son is well cared for. last night at church he was acting up and i thought "i dont evem want to be a mom anymore" it scared the poo out of me and broke my heart im just now healing but even if i heal 100% ive spent 3 yrs already in bad shape and my world is destroyed. i cant love myseld.  my family literally didnt believe me and jist abandoned me and those places dumped me abused me shuffled  me. i was in hell and no one knew what to do so they did nothing. i was the best mom before. i was a lot of things before

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It's all because of the meds if you have reference points and know you weren't like that before. I wasn't either. I didn't feel insane with intrusive thoughts and urges before all this. I was having the crazy thoughts toward every person I knew at one point and it's gotten lesser and lesser toward other people and it seems to be lessening toward my daughter too but ever so slowly. Some nights are still really tough. But every month there seems to be slight improvements. I was not saying any of this even last spring. It basically took me 29 months to start noticing consistent improvement and it all started with sleep.
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Thank you for the replies. I do feel encouraged. My love for them just can't come back soon enough. I know its the drugs and their effects on my brain, but the reassurance is wonderful. Thank you.

 

this is the thing that kills me the most. i know what kind of mom i was before psych drugs broke my brain. i was head over heals for my kid. now ive thoughts such awful things.

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