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What the heck is going on with my thoughts


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[03...]

Why does everything I do feel wrong and like a compulsion?  Normal things like wanting to know something about something I have read feels like a compulsion.  It seems like everything triggers my brain to want to know the answer to something otherwise I feel like I am going insane.  This is 24/7 and never stops.

 

I will read something and then my brain will be like "lookup that persons" name but it feels wrong and like i am performing a compulsion even though its just a normal curious thought.

 

can anyone relate to this?

 

It's by far the worst symptom I have because I don't know what's normal anymore.

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Can definitely relate, although my compulsive directives seem to manifest a bit differently than yours. I went through a rather manic/ocd-like period where I would constantly be weighing myself or brushing my teeth while asking myself, "Am I doing this right? Am I going to be okay? Did I really read the scale correctly?" It was as though I had lost control and couldn't just let it all go and be done with it. It was quite maddening while it lasted, but thankfully, it did pass.

 

I can also relate to not knowing what "normal" is. I'm reminded of the novel title, "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me".

 

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