What am I in for this time? 5th time withdrawing

[[JL...]]

As it says in my signature below... I made a huge mistake. I had a lapse in judgement and took benzos after I felt 80% healed. I'm scared this time. There was a year of my life not so long ago that I experienced the most terrifying emotional, psychological and physical pain I could imagine...

 

I'm doing a proper taper with an understanding doctor this time around, but I'm scared it can somehow get worse than last time. Right now my doctor had me starting my taper at 2mg Valium once daily in the evening, cutting .5mg every two weeks, and it worked perfectly until today. I'm having 50% of the symptoms from my previous PAWS right now at 1mg, and 50% is still terrifying. I can't think, my skin burns, my heart is racing, breathing is uneven, I can't think straight (writing this has taken nearly 20 minutes), when I close my eyes I have horrible intrusive thoughts. It's now 6:30am here and I haven't been able to sleep. I can tell that I'm exhausted but I feel wired.

 

I have a couple questions and as this is my first time doing this not CT or rapid taper...

 

Is there a way to make it so I can sleep and work still?

 

Is this time going to be worse than my last?

 

Does kindling occur in everyone?

 

Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I slow down my taper?

 

I'm truly, truly scared. Reality of the situation is settling in and I'm worried for my life. I've spent 8 of my 24 years on this earth dealing with either the side effects of taking the substance or it's cursed withdrawals. I'm scared these pills destroyed my life before I ever even got to start it...

[[Pa...]]

How long have you been on the Valium, your signature doesn't say. 

 

Your taper is too fast, your body is telling you this now, is there anyway your Dr will agree to slowing way down?

 

Your previous use and discontinuations of this drug may have an impact on your current situation, why risk becoming incapacitated, use this possibility to inform your current taper strategy.

 

You can still work if you slow it down, maybe using dry or liquid titration, it's imperative you listen to your body's cues, sleep is going to be a problem, it is for most of us.

 

There is no reason to be scared, thousands have gone before you and paved the way back to good health, you can do this. 

 

Educate yourself as much as you can about this process, to understand it is to lessen the fear.

[[jo...]]

I understand I failed 3 times . Now having to taper 2mg of clonazepam slower last time I did it in 53 days and 7 weeks later horrible side effects I thought I could reinstate with a slower taper of 300 days .It’s been 50 days and I still haven’t stabilized . On top of that I’m having to taper 900 mg a day of gabapentin. I started Liquid titrating that it’s taking me 12 weeks just to remove one of the 300 mg doses. And I feel like I’m being cut all over my body with shards of cut glass.

[[He...]]

Sorry you’re suffering.  Kindling doesn’t happen for everyone every time.  Each titrate is unique even in the same person.  Remember, anxiety is the reason you were medicated.  So you feel anxiety and that’s normal.  Feels bad but normal given your situation.  Insomnia happens.  Also miserable but probably unavoidable.  May I suggest some things to soothe?  They may seem like not enough but altogether they really do.  And consistently done, help.  And are a distraction to the fear and discomforts.  Activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the one that calms you down.  Lay on floor with feet and legs propped up on wall, and breathe 4. 7.  8.  Inhale to belly to count 4.  Hold breath to count 7.  Exhale count 8 as if blowing out birthday candles.  Do this even and slow.and repeat as many times as you can.  Persist.  Change sensory experience by running wrists under cold water.  Take a warm lavender oil bath.  Try 20 jumping jacks and run in place 5 minutes.  Take magnesium capsule.  Try Bach flower remedy rescue remedy.  Trust it will pass.  Have a mantra:  all is well or I am ok.  Envision a beautiful place.  Call crisis line if you just need to talk and be heard.  I’ve done it all.  It works and time passes and healing happens.  🤗