Going to try a reinstatement

[Guest [pe...]]

I've officially reached my breaking point. It's been 14 months straight 24/7 of extreme racing thoughts, looping, earworms, hyperawareness, mental arguments. Psychotic mental torture.

 

I'm trapped in my mind and can't get out. Can't distract or anything.

 

Most of you will say push through but it's not possible at this point.  Nothing I do distracts me from my mind.

 

I'm scared of every thought that comes into my head. It sends terror through my brain and body.

 

Im praying the reinstatement makes the symptoms more manageable. I know it won't take them away. If it doesn't work then at least I tried.

 

Please pray for me

 

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[[pi...]]

Your other thread mentions that the symptoms of pylouria are similar to benzo withdrawal and that you experienced them prior to your benzo use. Might it be wise to treat this first to see if that is the cause of your continuing symptoms?

 

pianogirl 

[[ea...]]

Oh gosh, I agree with  pianogirl. Don't reinstate until you get this checked out again.

east

[Guest [pe...]]

Your other thread mentions that the symptoms of pylouria are similar to benzo withdrawal and that you experienced them prior to your benzo use. Might it be wise to treat this first to see if that is the cause of your continuing symptoms?

 

pianogirl 

 

What I am experiencing now is nothing like my old anxiety.  I didn't even know what an intrusive thought was until 14 months ago.  The pyroluria could be the cause of my old anxiety.  Treating it requires supplements that I am extremely sensitive too.  It's complicated to treat and even if I did get it sorted out I am still going to be exeriencing the mental anguish/akathisia symptoms.  I see no way out.

[[Li...]]

I know you having a hard time. Mental symptoms are the worst. And youre tired. We're in the same boat.

 

Please dont reinstate. Good luck if you do.

[[bl...]]

Stay strong Change your thinking shifts the thoughts I had hard  day yesterday but today it is better you never  know when it  will change it could happen tomorrow for you!

[Guest [pe...]]

Information is just constantly racing through my head. all my thoughts scare me. I don't know if anyone has experienced this level before but it's brutal.

[[Ro...]]

I hear you. That sounds really hard. When my symptoms get like this, I remind myself that although I feel like I'm at my breaking point, although I believe I am falling apart, miraculously, my body is still holding itself together. I remember that there is breath is my lungs, the earth still holds my body, my cells hold me together and I am still alive. Over and over, I have to remember this, it's normal to forget when we are in extreme distress and our fear system is healing and dysregulated. You are not broken, you feel broken because your nervous system is damaged and telling you that you are. But look, you are alive. You are whole.

 

Remember that you can be suffering your worst symptoms, and still be ok and alive at the same time. It's the inability to see both at the same time that really causes us to spin out in the thought loops. It's the belief you shouldn't be experiencing what you are that is driving you insane. Trust me, I've come back from psychosis from these drugs over and over. 

 

You are not ok, and you are ok. Breathe. You can heal, you are healing. Breathe. It's really really hard and you are also surviving it already, breathe.

 

For me it was making the lifestyle changes that helped me stabilize and learn to tolerate this whole process. Diet, exercise, meditation, working with my thoughts. One behavior change a time. Little by little. I worked my way up to a whole self care routine. Control the things you can.

 

I understand wanting to reinstate but it won't really solve anything, love. You know that. You are just really suffering right now. Can you hold yourself in the suffering and be kind to yourself? We often have so much fear we are fighting the pain and that makes the thoughts loop out of control.

[[Me...]]

14 months out isn’t very far in the scheme of things <3 in case you want to give it some more time

 

[[ea...]]

Meganz is right. 14 months isn't that far out in this weird world of benzo wd.

Perth, listen to me. Reinstating may just makes things even worse. I have read so many posts here on BB about this. I know you think that if you reinstate you might stabilize a. bit, but sometimes it works in the exact opposite way. People have reported feeling worse when they go back on a benzo.

 

I can tell you that I too had an extremely difficult wd. It took me about 2 years to feel like a human being again. I thought I had gone insane. I had all the symptoms you mentioned and a whole lot more. For me the mental symptoms were always the worst, but I also had a lot of really nasty physical symptoms. What got me through this disaster was: BB. BB saved my damn life and I can say that and know it is very true. Distracting myself was enormously important. When you feel THIS awful, getting you mind OFF it does help. I had to learn some more healthy ways to cope with anxiety, although for me, that first couple years all I felt was this weird and consuming FEAR....of everything.

 

Whatever you decide to do, do it with pride in your decision. Only YOU know how bad you feel. But hopefully knowing that someone else had just as awful a withdrawal might help you. Feel free to visit my Blog, because I always respond to posts there. "Eastcoast's Trip."

east

[[...]]

Hi Perth,

So sorry you are going through this. I so hear you. I am at about 6 months and yesterday felt like there was no hope whatsoever and full of rage that this has happened to me and so many others under direct doctor orders. I wish I could do something / say something to help you with your healing. I also think about reinstating and then much slower tapering at times. Ultimately you have to choose what is right for you. It is a horrible choice you have to make. I am wishing you well Perth.

PHMG

[Guest [pe...]]

14 months out isn’t very far in the scheme of things <3 in case you want to give it some more time

 

I understand 14 months into it is far out but it seems like the people that get HARD from the beginning take a long time to recover.  What happens when I'm 3,4,5 years out and still like this?

[[Me...]]

14 months out isn’t very far in the scheme of things <3 in case you want to give it some more time

 

I understand 14 months into it is far out but it seems like the people that get HARD from the beginning take a long time to recover.  What happens when I'm 3,4,5 years out and still like this?

 

Most people are better by 3 years.

At the 2 year mark for me most of my physical symptoms are gone now

The mental ones are annoying but I’m also pregnant - so hormones involved

Everyone is different but I’ll tell you now that my acute was effing brutal and I’m somehow ok now

I still have light tremors sometimes and you know, occasional little symptoms here and there like dizziness  but wow....I’ve been feeling pretty darn good compared to where I was

[Guest [pe...]]

It feels like I am in extreme acute 24/7 at 13 months off benzos. I don't see much getting better in another year. I can only hope

[[Ba...]]

Some of us don't have ton of years left.  Birthday will mke me 68, with some 40 years on benzos and what n idiot i was to try and come off.

Don't know if I am some purist or masochist, but never went up, just down, and now am off clon about a month and it is worse still.

 

Not seeing a point to this.  I don't think taper taper taper, slowly, works for some of us  Maybe with the damage nothing would work, up or down.  Anyhow, if you do reinstate I sure hope it helps.