Day 19 and terrified Please help is this normal?

[[LE...]]

Jen,

 

Like you I am turning 71 this month and having one hard time coming off valium. I think because of the long half life and our age, things tend to go much slower than the young ones. You are in acute right now and we really don't know how long nor bad things will get during this phase. I am just hoping the horror will be over soon, but it will take as long as the brain needs to recover. I hope you at least had a short window by this time. I know my sxs are much worse than during the taper and I think being off the drug completely is needed to really start the healing process. I was on it for a very long time so I understand my long painful process. I hope you start doing a little better or at least see a glimmer on hope so you can relax a little while waiting out the process. You can PM me if you want to talk about this seeing as we are close to same age.

 

Lenny

[[Sk...]]

I was in your shoes last summer. It gets better with time 

 

For the agoraphobia I forced myself from the very beggining to go out each day, and each time a little bit further. 1 hour for each exposition, and if I was in a panic, I waited until I felt better to come home. These are the basics of exposure therapy, you just need to go SLOOOWLY. I'm happy I did it even if it was a living hell because I think my brain didn't really had the time to forge a strong link between being outside and anxiety.

 

I was afraid to even go to the local supermarket 5min away from home (walking distance), and to see friends. Just like you I was on my phone with someone to give me courage. 1 month later I was totally autonome in my block, still not able to go downtown, and had a tendency to wander around my local hospital "just in case", it comforted me. 2 months later I was fine walking in my city. 3 months later traveling in another cities far away and taking local transportation. At 6 month, end of january, I go travel abroad alone in a country I already know, by plane. And in march in a country I never visited.

 

For the insomnia you might want to try a weighted blanket. I don't have money for it, since it's pretty expensive, but there are good results for insomnia and anxiety. I bought a tiny mattress with a lot of acupression points on it, it helped me to calm a bit.

 

I was also afraid to test any strange foods and drinks, but gave a try with chamomille. No problem with it. Only way to know is trying. You are entering a hard phase of test and learn. Some things will work, some won't, some might make you worse. Try not to push things and test one thing at a time.

 

You are doing great by staying positive, even if it's difficult for now. It might seems to be the end of the world, lasting forever, but it's not. For me the most difficult part was accepting how long it was (and is, still not healed). I thought after 1 month it'll be over. How wrong was I. But the more withdrawal progressed, the more I became patient. It makes everything easier to handle. Each timeline is different. What is important now for you is not how much time it will last, but what coping skills you can develop. This way you stay in control. Because there's no way to control time, and it makes us desperate, the last thing we need during this difficult time.

 

Walking in nature is really great and I took my camera with me to keep a protective screen between me and the world. It also helped me to focus on something else.

 

Distraction might be hard on the beggining. I did manual tasks to ground myself in my body instead of staying only in my brain. Reparing things for example. Or touching trees outsides. Or chores like washing dish, and take time to feel the water on my hands.

 

I wish you the best ! You'll make it I'm sure 

[[Ma...]]

chinchuck,

I think the other members have given excellent advice and I agree with everything said. I just want to add that I have the highest respect and I think its AMAZING that you did the taper and could bring it to an end at your age. I know so many elder people who are too afraid to try or who have given up themselves and sink deeper and deeper into a depression (caused by the meds they take). I know you feel like this is the end right now but actually you have completed a long taper, which is awesome and just shows how strong you really are. The best thought you may add into your mindset is "OR maybe I am doing everything exactly the way I need to, in order to heal". Cause actually that is what you are doing!!!! Your body has a real chance to recover and there are still years in which you can have a wonderful life. What I like and see in your words is, that you take responsibility for your life, YOU make the decisions and I think I feel a real strength there - and thats yourself in withdrawal, I think you are even stronger when you are out of withdrawal.

We have all been where you are now. I still remember what I had to do while being in a non stop panic attack. After a while, you get used to it and you will find ways to do things no matter if you panic or not. This seems to be the way it goes for the most of us. If you are afraid to walk outside, take walks around the kitchen table, all that counts is - you walk. If you cannot do something non stop, do it in little sessions. But do it.

Maybe you will find something that will lead you out of withdrawal, for me it was Tai Chi Gong which you can do sitting first or even laying in bed. There is a way - always. or maybe you remember what you loved when you were a little child, and you do that again, just to reconnect with a former self you loved.

In the end - its about self love.

You have already made a good decision, to care for yourself. You and your body, you are the best team. Time to love each other and to cherish how far the both of you have come!! This is the best outcome I have since I am out of withdrawal.

 

Best wishes,

Marigold

[[ch...]]

Thank you so much for your replies , #

Now onto day 21 and I feel  just awful, and terrified that this is something really badly wrong

 

How can I be this bad from just 4mgs of valium and such a slow taper, down , It took 17 months , Maybe I was too fast at the end but I needed to be free, .

 

I know going back wont help but this is a nightmare,

 

the terror is so strong, panic  is there but I am more worried about my ears that are so bad and getting worse ,

The hissing and the deep droning are so loud , the deep sound is painful as is all sound including my own voice , the sound of the vac, the sound of a you tube meditation video , its all deep , booming and agony, ,

 

The numbness is really bad in my hands and face and now the eye lid infection is returning , I am so run down and thin,

 

Not sure how  I can keep going but I know I cannot take the valium so I feel totally lost ,

 

I really should not have been started on this when I was 73  , It's too hard,

 

Your words of support are a comfort,  Just don't know how to deal with my ears right now,  I am deaf and wear hearing aids , lost more hearing , I cannot even hear the fan I have going for white noise,

 

Has anyone had this ease down , I cannot stay this way surely?

 

Sorry to be a pest

 

Trying to distract by walking but the sounds out there are terrible , painful,

 

thank you for any help , day 21 is really proving hard ,  Little sleep has not helped

 

Jen

[[pi...]]

Hello chin,

 

All your senses are hyper aware once off benzos and everything seems larger than life. I remember this myself.  You are still very early days so the symptoms can be strong during this period.

 

I am not a spring chicken, I started my taper when I was 60.

 

Having hearing issues can make things more difficult to tolerate. Have you tried some deep belly breathing when the panic starts. The method I used was to breathe in slowly and deeply to a count of 3, hold for a count of 3 and slowly exhale for a count of 6.  I tried to visualize my panic leaving with each exhale.

 

I also 'allowed' the symptom of panic and anxiety to be there and try to float around it. I visualized myself floating in the ocean and let the awful feelings move under me knowing that it's OK and it won't hurt me.

 

I had to learn to deal with these things because I had never experienced panic before I was put on benzos. They did help me.

 

PG 

[[ch...]]

Hello chin,

 

All your senses are hyper aware once off benzos and everything seems larger than life. I remember this myself.  You are still very early days so the symptoms can be strong during this period.

 

I am not a spring chicken, I started my taper when I was 60.

 

Having hearing issues can make things more difficult to tolerate. Have you tried some deep belly breathing when the panic starts. The method I used was to breathe in slowly and deeply to a count of 3, hold for a count of 3 and slowly exhale for a count of 6.  I tried to visualize my panic leaving with each exhale.

 

I also 'allowed' the symptom of panic and anxiety to be there and try to float around it. I visualized myself floating in the ocean and let the awful feelings move under me knowing that it's OK and it won't hurt me.

 

I had to learn to deal with these things because I had never experienced panic before I was put on benzos. They did help me.

 

PG 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for the advice . I will try to do the breathing,. I do try my best , but just now  I am panicking because this noise and the sound sensitivity is incredibly painful , Just someone speaking is a torture, sounds going in and out,  I live near a flight path and the planes are agonisingly cruel to my ears,  the sounds in my head are so strong,  hissing and deep down droning, I tried to vacuum my room and that was too painful, hard to deal with for anyone but when deaf it's torture

 

I am used to tinnitus a I have had it 40 years but nothing like this, . I do hope it eases down , I don't expect it to vanish over night but at least some reduction, It really is so bad  as time has gone on it has gone worse,

 

I cannot blame anything else as I am not taking anything , not even supplements,

 

It might be my use of the phone for contact that has added to it, I don't know , but it's all I have left,

 

Any reassurance on this would be oh so gratefully appreciated,

 

Thank you for the tips

 

Jen 

 

[[pi...]]

Hello chin,

 

All your senses are hyper aware once off benzos and everything seems larger than life. I remember this myself.  You are still very early days so the symptoms can be strong during this period.

 

I am not a spring chicken, I started my taper when I was 60.

 

Having hearing issues can make things more difficult to tolerate. Have you tried some deep belly breathing when the panic starts. The method I used was to breathe in slowly and deeply to a count of 3, hold for a count of 3 and slowly exhale for a count of 6.  I tried to visualize my panic leaving with each exhale.

 

I also 'allowed' the symptom of panic and anxiety to be there and try to float around it. I visualized myself floating in the ocean and let the awful feelings move under me knowing that it's OK and it won't hurt me.

 

I had to learn to deal with these things because I had never experienced panic before I was put on benzos. They did help me.

 

PG 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for the advice . I will try to do the breathing,. I do try my best , but just now  I am panicking because this noise and the sound sensitivity is incredibly painful , Just someone speaking is a torture, sounds going in and out,  I live near a flight path and the planes are agonisingly cruel to my ears,  the sounds in my head are so strong,  hissing and deep down droning, I tried to vacuum my room and that was too painful, hard to deal with for anyone but when deaf it's torture

 

I am used to tinnitus a I have had it 40 years but nothing like this, . I do hope it eases down , I don't expect it to vanish over night but at least some reduction, It really is so bad  as time has gone on it has gone worse,

 

I cannot blame anything else as I am not taking anything , not even supplements,

 

It might be my use of the phone for contact that has added to it, I don't know , but it's all I have left,

 

Any reassurance on this would be oh so gratefully appreciated,

 

Thank you for the tips

 

Jen

 

I have had a low level of tinnitus my entire life, or most of it. I can easily ignore it. During withdrawal it really ramped up to honking, blaring level.  This was in the early stages, like you are in right now.  This did ease up, in fact it was one of the symptoms that eased up sooner rather than later.

 

PG 

[[Bl...]]

Jen, I know things are really difficult right now, but just keep dealing with each moment as best as you can.  I wonder if you can use visualization to help you.  I know it sounds weird but that is one thing I am trying to do to help me.  My tinnitus is not roaring like yours, but I try to imagine it as something else besides what it really is.  So maybe for you, you are right close to a huge, beautiful waterfall.  You hear its roaring and you can see the water cascading down the many levels of rocks, down to the pool below.  Imagine the sun is shining on your face and that as you breathe in the fresh crisp air, you see a rainbow in the mist.  Sounds corny I know, but revisiting these images in your head and associating them with the roar and hissing you hear may help to turn them into a more positive thing.  I grew up going to our family cottage and learned how to use a motor on a steel boat that was operated by hand.  The sound of the motor so close to my ear was associated with good times like going fishing, driving to the marina to pick up family, just taking a ride to see the beautiful nature around etc.  When my tinnitus gets annoying, I see myself going for a rip in the boat.  I can even picture other loved ones in the boat with me.  This helps to get me off to daydreaming, like a meditation, and sometimes I just wake up, not even knowing I've fallen asleep...even though my head is full of horrible noise.  See if you can trick your mind.  Maybe you're watching a train passing by in your head, or can hear the roar of a plane as you're off flying on your way to a relaxing vacation.  Mindfulness is not an easy thing to do, but when you can be present with those sounds, but transform them into positive experiences, it may just help to give you some relief.  Obviously not all the time, but if it can work some of the time, that would be helpful.  Our minds are very powerful and self talk can help. I still say my positive mantras over and over.  I really do believe they have helped me to deal with so much of this experience.  It is worth a try, you've got nothing to loose.  It may take time and you may think it is not working but the mind and body are so connected.  Believe you will get better, because you will!  ❤ Thinking of you my friend!😘

[[ch...]]

Hello chin,

 

All your senses are hyper aware once off benzos and everything seems larger than life. I remember this myself.  You are still very early days so the symptoms can be strong during this period.

 

I am not a spring chicken, I started my taper when I was 60.

 

Having hearing issues can make things more difficult to tolerate. Have you tried some deep belly breathing when the panic starts. The method I used was to breathe in slowly and deeply to a count of 3, hold for a count of 3 and slowly exhale for a count of 6.  I tried to visualize my panic leaving with each exhale.

 

I also 'allowed' the symptom of panic and anxiety to be there and try to float around it. I visualized myself floating in the ocean and let the awful feelings move under me knowing that it's OK and it won't hurt me.

 

I had to learn to deal with these things because I had never experienced panic before I was put on benzos. They did help me.

 

PG 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for the advice . I will try to do the breathing,. I do try my best , but just now  I am panicking because this noise and the sound sensitivity is incredibly painful , Just someone speaking is a torture, sounds going in and out,  I live near a flight path and the planes are agonisingly cruel to my ears,  the sounds in my head are so strong,  hissing and deep down droning, I tried to vacuum my room and that was too painful, hard to deal with for anyone but when deaf it's torture

 

I am used to tinnitus a I have had it 40 years but nothing like this, . I do hope it eases down , I don't expect it to vanish over night but at least some reduction, It really is so bad  as time has gone on it has gone worse,

 

I cannot blame anything else as I am not taking anything , not even supplements,

 

It might be my use of the phone for contact that has added to it, I don't know , but it's all I have left,

 

Any reassurance on this would be oh so gratefully appreciated,

 

Thank you for the tips

 

Jen

 

I have had a low level of tinnitus my entire life, or most of it. I can easily ignore it. During withdrawal it really ramped up to honking, blaring level.  This was in the early stages, like you are in right now.  This did ease up, in fact it was one of the symptoms that eased up sooner rather than later.

 

PG 

 

 

 

I am sorry you had to go through this noise, but am glad to know that it did ease.

 

Being deaf makes it so difficult to mask it..

 

I have never had it as loud as it has become, and to at least have the hope that it will ease down is something to hold on to.

 

The sensitivity isn't quite as others have it, probably because of being deaf and is more very painful sound distortion, I have to hope it will ease off too  along with all the other symptoms that are blaring at me right now.

 

People are so kind to me here, I gain so much from knowing others have experienced the same and are fine now,

 

I keep hoping that tomorrow  the symptoms will be gone, It can happen but I have to accept that things are the way they are , and not permanent, 

 

Thank you for the reassurance 

[[ch...]]

Jen, I know things are really difficult right now, but just keep dealing with each moment as best as you can.  I wonder if you can use visualization to help you.  I know it sounds weird but that is one thing I am trying to do to help me.  My tinnitus is not roaring like yours, but I try to imagine it as something else besides what it really is.  So maybe for you, you are right close to a huge, beautiful waterfall.  You hear its roaring and you can see the water cascading down the many levels of rocks, down to the pool below.  Imagine the sun is shining on your face and that as you breathe in the fresh crisp air, you see a rainbow in the mist.  Sounds corny I know, but revisiting these images in your head and associating them with the roar and hissing you hear may help to turn them into a more positive thing.  I grew up going to our family cottage and learned how to use a motor on a steel boat that was operated by hand.  The sound of the motor so close to my ear was associated with good times like going fishing, driving to the marina to pick up family, just taking a ride to see the beautiful nature around etc.  When my tinnitus gets annoying, I see myself going for a rip in the boat.  I can even picture other loved ones in the boat with me.  This helps to get me off to daydreaming, like a meditation, and sometimes I just wake up, not even knowing I've fallen asleep...even though my head is full of horrible noise.  See if you can trick your mind.  Maybe you're watching a train passing by in your head, or can hear the roar of a plane as you're off flying on your way to a relaxing vacation.  Mindfulness is not an easy thing to do, but when you can be present with those sounds, but transform them into positive experiences, it may just help to give you some relief.  Obviously not all the time, but if it can work some of the time, that would be helpful.  Our minds are very powerful and self talk can help. I still say my positive mantras over and over.  I really do believe they have helped me to deal with so much of this experience.  It is worth a try, you've got nothing to loose.  It may take time and you may think it is not working but the mind and body are so connected.  Believe you will get better, because you will!  ❤ Thinking of you my friend!😘

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your suggestion of visualisation, I just need to be calm enough to do this and perhaps then distract from the noise and sound distortion.

 

 

I do try to use positive mantras, and hope my brain takes note, 

 

Lots of walking round and round the block , helps a little to bring oxygen to my brain and pass some time.

 

I am afraid to take supplements or other medications as I feel my brain is crisis right now trying to sort things out, but do wonder sometimes if I could have protected myself from some of the damage by limiting glutamate somehow.

 

Too late now though, I am where I am and wanting this noise to ease, it's so strong ,and it's stopping me using sound for distraction,

 

I am so glad you have found ways forward that help you,  You must be about a month off now, 

 

Thank you once again ,

 

Jen